I am struggling at the moment

enjoy your day tomorrow with your mum @Former-Member

I am just hoping to get to the gym or pool.

I was feeling tired about hour or so ago and now wide awake.

I have had a headache for a while now and don't know why but then when I just though about it I think its all hormones and maybe sinus as well.

I hope you sleep well

Thanks @Former-Member

I am okay - just had a bad day with my back - and now - when I should be in bed - I am feeling fine

That's great news about your nephew - as I said - I get so clucky when there are new babies about

Dec

Your welcome @Decadian

I really hope you get some relief from your back.

I agree with you about the public health system and how they treat patients its not good enough, and more should be done to help and support patients. I am sure if one of their family members was suffering from a MI I think they would sing a diiferent tune.

I'm going to try and get some sleep soon.

Goodnight @Former-Member !!

@utopia

I spent a few weeks in a public facility - it was a long time ago and there was so kind of glitch in the private system - but anyway

It was not a good time and I found no help there - but I did indulge in the worst kind of verbal bad behaviour possible - yelling and shouting and bad-language - I don't think that would have been tolerated in a private clinic - but then - I was never pushed that far in a private clinic

I felt kind of ashamed of that for many many years - but then - my psychologist told me that was the best place to act out - bad behaviour? Very normal I think now

It would take up too much time to explain why I was there and why I stayed there - maybe I will some time - but you are right @Former-Member - the public system is not the best place for a person who is a fragile as you can be at times - and being fragile is something I understand very well - more than anything else I think

Decadian

IIt can be a cruel place @Decadian. The worst stigma I have faced has been from nurses in hospital who treat you like a dog. I went into hospital last year for a small procedure and couldn't believe how differently I was treated. It's like I was two different people, two different medical charts I guess. I do have to say though my last three admissions have been different because I hadn't self harmed and was put in a short stay mental health unit. It was much better. I know if I'm admitted again for self harming I'll be treated with contempt again.....because that works so well.....NOT.

I know you have had a lifetime of suffering @Decadian and have made your way through. I guess SH is a weird thing. I was surprised when I found out what I was doing was called SH. I was very very messed up for a while but I guess I know I've come a long way in the past 6months, I still regularly fall back but just not as far as I was. It's kind of really hard to explain but sometimes I think it's harder now but I think that's because I'm trying more. Before I didn't care what happened to me I was very wreckless. I played Russian roulette a lot with my life. I got scared this weekend because I wanted to do that again and had a constant battle in my head about it. But I've made it and I think until next time I'll be ok.

Anyway @Decadian you always help by just being around. Ultimately it is me that has to help myself. It often helps to have support around when I'm ready.

Take care of you. I read about your cat and the dentist. I hope that all goes well too. Sending hugs and best wishes💜😊🤗

Hi @Former-Member

I hope there will always be someone around to help - I am around when others are not because I have few commitments away from home - and glad that just hearing can help

I am disgusted with the stigma placed upon people with mental disorders - as if we have any control over extreme emotions - we don't

Yes I have had a life-time of suffering - of all different sorts and conditions - somethings could not be helped and other things have been caused by toxic family members - but the good news

Yes - I did make it through - and if I did - then it is possibly - and I was not always rational - I could totally lose myself in my sorrow - I knew my son would die - he was self-destructive from a young age - and I am not sure when I realised he was into SA and SH I knew the end would eventually come and knowing this nearly destroyed me. That was when I was in and out of a private clinic - I was part of the revolving door - they were very good to me there - and I forget the year - 1985 - yes - it was - they private health system limited the days a person could stay in a private hospital and the public system was all that was left

But yes - I survived all that came before and so far all that has come after his death 30 years ago - so I guess I will make it all the way. I hope this gives hope to other people - because it was not easy but it was the only way

Decadian

That's gorgeous about acting out @utopia. You sound like me. I'm awake again too. It took me ages to reply to @Decadian. I wanted to say the difference for me was getting those three letters next to my name BPD. I had been admitted before when I was diagnosed as having major depression and was treated sooo much better. The day they put those three letters everything changed I became a second class citizen. The stigma for BPD is huge. During my last psych ward stay last year I knew the mental health nurse from prior to me being unwell. He was shocked and tried to get them to remove BPD as he said it was more major depression but they wouldn't change it. The mental health nurses in the psych ward are much better. I've never had an issue there.

Also you didn't get it wrong. This afternoon I was on the verge of going to hospital myself but I was so scared and then played mind games with myself. I guess I'm just more proud that I managed to ride it out, I was very much doubting that I could all day.

Have you done the catch up with your friend or have I got that wrong? You don't need to tell I was just wondering how you were?

Maybe I was small potatoes too @utopia

After all - all I did was shout and scream and tell them what I thought of them - I didn't even throw anything

It was cathartic though - actually - I realised I was grinning here all by myself in the middle of the night

Dec