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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
I'm back here for the record should anything happen. I messed up monumentally. I blew my communication. I didn't read what was coming and spent time focusing on me and what I thought I needed. I missed the boat when it was in dock and now I'm scared it's sailed and I'm left all alone on the dock feeling totally defeated and not knowing who I am or what I'm supposed to do. I feel like I can't ask for help because it was me that messed up and that I'm damned because I got caught up in my own stupid agenda. I didn't think I would feel this broken again. I thought I was slowly going forwards, but apparently not at the rate i neeeded to. I'm so sorry to everyone I've hurst and messed up with. I've not liked myself even an inch for a long time but I thought I was finding ways to move forward with self acceptance but apparently not. I've screwed up and hurt people I care for. I've been more selfish that at anytime before and so wish I could find that kind caring person who used to post on the forum and cared for everyone so deeply but got caught up in my own vortex of my needs. im so sorry for messing up my forum time and offline relationships too. Enough for now but really really wanted things to be on record that I'm the one who messed stuff uppp
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Ps sorry but probs won't be able to respond tonight. Due to circumstances of my control. Hopefully will tomorrow
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Teej🌻💜💜
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Your not alone @Teej we're here with and for you. Your not a bad person either, we all make mistakes. Baby steps in moving forward now 💜
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Here with you too @Teej💜🌹
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Thinking of you @Teej ..... 💜💞🌷
Can we have a check-in Hon ?
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Here for you and with you @Teej
Lots of love and hugs hon 💜💜💜
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
rosesSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I am feeling a little better, but I still feel like I am living in automatic pilot. My daughter said I need therapy, but I don’t know who to go to and whether I can afford it.. Thanks for your encouragement, roses
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Speak with your GP @roses. They will be able to explain what is available to you, and provide a mental health plan that gives you access to free counselling sessions.
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