I am struggling at the moment

@Teej 💜

It is ultimately what my brother is trying to do @Faith-and-Hope. I have had to go through financial statements as my brother is putting together spreadsheets of contributions. During this process the wheels have come unstuck for both of us. I’m hurting because I know he is angry at me too. I know had things been different I’d be in a much different scenario just now. I’m angry because I feel so ashamed by it all. That anger has been all consuming.

Sorry i I dropped out. I needed to emotion sleep. I will need to get through tonight the only way I can again but maybe not as risky as last night. Thank you for caring and being kind when I am struggling with this. 💜🤗

Part of your brothers feelings are likely to be frustration presenting as annoyance @Teej ..... and this is all in the height of the process ..... please allow for settle-time ..... for all of it, and all of you .....

Bug hugs Hon 💜💜💜

Feeling kind of messed up still. Tears from Rockpool moving on and much else. I’m glad the tears are finally here though. She has been pretty instrumental in helping me get to this point. Although this point just now doesn’t feel far enough.

I am so so so lost. I am supposed to go away tomorrow. I don’t know why they even want me to come. I have big shame feelings still of burden stuff. I’m struggling to know what is real.

💜🌷 @Teej ....

Are you busy @Faith-and-Hope? I’m thinking you may be

Not at the moment @Teej .... just home and settling in. I will be around for a while ....,

Not sure where to start @Faith-and-Hope . I am scared that I’ll not ever get better than this. This being a roller coaster and no consistency to complete goals. I change goals like the wind. I’m the queen of 'going to' and never complete stuff. I can’t be the same person fr long enough to make real changes happen. A new thing comes up and all my focus and energy goes on that.

You are far from alone in that @Teej . Many people do that you know ..... it’s not wrong.

Perhaps what you are talking about is the main, more settling things, like a return to work or study somewhere in your future, and you have pulled out a dirty big brush and tarred everything into the same category, maybe ?

Its not unusual for creative people to be “jack of all trades, master of none”. They are very good at catching the wave with something new, and riding it until the next big exciting (engaging) thing comes along.

Many creatives (and I don’t just mean arty ones ..... there are sciencey , and mathsy (don’t say that one fast) and wordsy ..... all kinds of other creatives too) often hold down three or four bits-and-pieces jobs, because it’s easier to work that around creative interests, and to keep interested in them, and to be flexible .....

If you know that your moods are still quite changeable, perhaps you can allow yourself a number of “mental health” days a week, which means deciding each day whether that day is going to be one of the, say, three ...... it might help to take the pressure off @Teej .

When you’re finding that you are tending to use only two days a week as mental health days, then two will become the hsual for a while, with the third one still available if you need it.

Ita a baby-steps way of

allowing change to come in gradually, naturally.