I am struggling at the moment

Thank you @Sans911, @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope.

I didnt drink last night and fell asleep on two sleeping meds probably from exhaustion. I am still so scared and insecure as to how I make my way in this world.

@Faith-and-Hope Thank you for writing what you did last night about our friendship. I still feel that I had so much more of a life force and so much to give a year ago. I don’t know how to get any of that back.

I spoke to someone on lifeline last night who was actually understanding of why this has hit me so hard. I guess that helped a little.

Last night i couldnt accept your first response @Faith-and-Hope but today maybe I can a bit more.

@Sans911 Like you the nights are getting so hard. Si consumes me every night as I’m trying to go to sleep. I wish we had a way of skipping that part.

@CheerBear Thanks for your support. I know you’ve had lots of mixed days lately too but it seems some good is coming your way too which you so deserve.

@outlander I need to apologise to you too. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept your support when I’m in crisis. It has absolutely nothing to do with you personally. It has to do with the fact that I have so many kids in my life your age. I hide this from them so much because I don’t feel like it’s fair to burden them with my stuff while they are so young and working the world out for themselves. You are so kind and caring, I think my first reaction is you don’t need to deal with this. I know this choice isn’t mine to make but wanted you to know. I’m sorry if sometimes I don’t respond and open up to you. It truly is nothing personal and is my problem to resolve in a better way.

thinking of you @Teej

💜💜💜 @Teej ......

Hearing you ..... sending big hugs on wings as always. We all have peaks and troughs ..... give yourself a whole lota latitude Hon ...., in proportion with the shite-load of crap you have had to make your way through, and how that has bounced you on your head .....

Its gonna take my kids a while to get their buoyancy stabilised without even starting with my mr ...... gentleigh bentleigh .....

Maybe work at settling the bull-at-a-gate tendencies ? ...... you can’t get through everything head first, and that can be okay ......

Baby steps .......

Breathe .......

💜💜💜

• @Teej Sorry you have had a difficult time.
• I believe it is important to have these honest real direct conversations.
• I found @Sans911 saying she is curious about how things will go .. is a bit close to my experience. A gentle curiosity and being a naive enquirer, have been with me all my life.

Thinking of you @Teej

I’m hanging in there @Sans911.

I have been giving some thought to what you posted and @Appleblossom concurred with.

Also been thinking about my bull at a gate stuff (& black and white thinking) that @Faith-and-Hope mentioned. So far im feeling lost and confused 🤷‍♀️ but I am trying to do this living thing or whatever it is called 😳.

I am feeling defeated at the moment with energy..... and motivation but I hope that tomorrow is a bit better.

💜🤗 to you all

@TeejSome of my story came out in a choir as I was trying to work with a misunderstanding and the musical director developed a criteria for joining

...

being "still alive" ... Over last weekend it was emphasised at the mic a few times. It sounded odd, nothing was mentioned about singing ability or love of music ... lol ... but it was also wryly inclusive and humourous, in a way ....

We are still here .... and that matters.

Good night Bella

Love the daffodil @Teej ..... and I was photographing daffodils this afternoon ..... would you believe .... at a beautiful place where poppies and daffodils grow.

I don’t know how to get past this stuff that has happened. I am feeling incredibly stupid writing this because I have no idea what i need or what would help.

The cycle of the last last few days has been to ring a helpline in distress and cry until I sleep. Once I wake it all builds as I try to problem solve stuff but then the emotion builds and the urges to sh in a substantial way keep coming until I ring in distress and then fall asleep totally exhausted from the emotion. I don’t know how to break the cycle and the longer it goes on the harder it will be to keep myself safe.

Can anyone one tell me if they do this too, and how do you break the cycle? I’m not sure how to keep going with this level of distress.

I didnt make it to see to see my son, I was paralysed by the emotion. I am so scared to face him now too.