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Something’s not right

I am struggling at the moment

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

3364 replies

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That happens to be a good answer @Sans911. Not one I’d considered.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks for answering @Sans911. I’ll let you go to sleep.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Teej,

I can hear that you're battling some overwhelming thoughts and feelings, but you've also demonstrated so much insight into your hopes, fears and what you'd like your life to look like. Change rarely happens overnight, but that doesn't mean that it won't happen.

The forums are here to support you, dont be sorry for sharing how you feel.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hearing you @Teej .....

Cmh is one form of framework, one system ..... and at this point in time they don’t have the right people on board for you it would seem. In private practice, the consensus would likely be very different, and different state to state, and country to country. The incompatibility with the com organism in this time and place neither makes you a lost cause nor a waste of effort ....

We don’t fit within the current model in both states we are in .... you realise that too, don’t you ? We are in a holding pattern because our mh issues can’t be resolved within the boundaries that operate well enough for many others, but that is how far their net reaches. It’s not the limit of the possibilities.

That’s the reason so many different approaches to education, and faith, exist. There is no one-size-fits-all.

Hugs @Teej .... stay with it .... you are making progress that “they”, and you, can’t yet see .....

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💐💕❣️🌷🌱🍄🌈🍒☕️🎨🎼🎆🔮🎭👭👭👭👭👬👭👫👬👭👭👭😘

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, @flipper. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

The @Teej i met here and grew to love is still very much evident to me here tonight ..... “under the influence” is when your worst fears and insecurities come out, and in a way that is good because you are putting a voice to them ..... and we are okay to hear them aired, because they are valid, and you are in deep pain, grief, mourning from the past suppression of these emotions, it would seem.

If I am right about that, then like with hot mud, it will take some time for that to keep bubbling up to the surface, where talking it out, expressing it, will gradually dispel it all ..... but that is a process, a journey ..... and you need to remain curious about where it is yet to go .... what outcomes lie ahead of you yet .....

We see the possibilities for you, and I think you see the possibilities for others who are struggling here, even when they can’t see it for themselves .... which is part of the beauty of the forums ..... like multicoloured beads strung on a necklace, we harmonise.

Love you @Teej ..... Here with and for you ..... 💜💜💜🌷💕🍒🎆

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Are you still here @Teej ?

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Please check in when you wake up @Teej ..... I will be looking for you ...... 💜💐🌷💕

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Adding to the voices of people who appreciate you @Teej in all the ways you are you. Sitting with things the way they are but trusting that things can and do change is sometimes the only thing that gets me through. Sometimes I get so stuck truly believing that I cant change or that things won't change but every single day something does even if I cant see it.

Thinking of you.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej

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