I am struggling at the moment

Started to write a few times now but hit cancel every time. I am confused about so many things. I’m going to try have a shower and something to eat. I really am confused and angry and scared and insecure and paralysed and impatient.

Good move @Teej.

I am working on some art stuff and keeping an eye out here for you .....

💜

@Teej I was plagued by anger for last few years. It is starting to subside a bit. I still have low times and am getting better at defusing and redirecting anger. It does change. I felt that way a lot without having the reminder of being a parent and we can talk ourselves into strange things. Yeah there will be a shadow side, but Keep seeking out the Light.

💜💐💕 @Teej .....

You didn’t come back on after your shower, so I am hoping you’re asleep. I need to go to bed now, despite wanting to keep working on my art project .... starting to see double ..... but holding you close and hoping the tide starts turning again tomorrow.

Hugs Hon.

G’night ..... 💫🌙💤

Coming back with my tail between my legs 😳.

Thank you so much for your support yesterday @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom, @Sans911, @outlander. I’m sorry I was being such a :pile_of_poo:.

@CheerBear I have a feeling that you thought you may have not helped much but that wasn’t the case. I was just really negative and angry at myself.

@Sans911 I hope so much I didn’t affect you. I knew you’d get it too. It’s so hard to get out of that headspace when you are in it.

@Faith-and-Hope Thank you as always for your gentle reminders too. It does help to diminish a tiny bit of the anger and self hatred.

@Appleblossom Cheers for your support too. I know thinks have been a bit topsy turvy for you as well.

@outlander Thanks for acknowledging that I was in a crazy headspace.

Have changed my avatar to somehhing less dark and destructive although I know my brain will be in chaos for the next few weeks as well. It’s depicts my chaos with a little colour for the ok moments.

It’s so hard for us when we have these things hanging over our heads not knowing which way things will fall and the outcome for us if they fall the wrong way. I know at the core is catasrophising but at the same time sometimes these things can make or break us.

I just read @CheerBear that you may have something similar going on. I’m thinking of you through it too. Sorry today hasn’t been so good to start with.

Many grateful hugs hugs to you all for your ongoing support. For @Faith-and-Hope, @Appleblossom that has been for years now which is a pretty amazing feeling from my end.....that you’ve endured years of my crises and are still so supportive. Thank you all.

💜💐 @Teej .....

(I didn’t get a notification for this post, unless I have missed it somehow)

Hugs Hon .... although my experiences are bot

the same, understanding that it is really hard ..... and walking with you as always ..... 😘💕❤️

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-playing-field/201108/courage-working-our-way-towards-bravery

Bravery and courage has not been researched as much as the increase in anxiety would indicate as relevant. There is a form of courage called EMPATHETIC COURAGE.

Take care Bella

Apple

I took a look at that link @Appleblossom. It’s interesting. I think you might have lots of different kinds of courage after reading that. 💜🤗

thanks @Faith-and-Hope 😘

completely irelevent I know but this is the gif of my new avatar. It’s like parts of my brain going off for all kinds of reasons. Lots of little explosions (hmm 🤔 I wonder if you can reverse gifs to make them implosions).....although my implosion yesterday was more like an explosion 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:

Ha ha @Teej

that gif looks like my brain often feels!

I need help to stay accountable 😢😔😖😱