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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor30 Mar 2018, 7:59 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Thanks @CheerBear. It helped to share that and hear your response. Feeling very exhausted again now so might try to nap. Thanks again.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

CheerBearSenior Contributor30 Mar 2018, 8:09 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I hope it helps to have a nap @Teej. Thinking of you lots.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

KurraSenior Contributor30 Mar 2018, 11:06 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I'm in the car and so is dog on our way to sit with you for a few days. All working together we can win this battle.
Luv n Hugzzz 💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Mar 2018, 11:34 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Teej ...,, is there a respite centre anywhere near you, where you can book in that sort of time out periodically when you need it, and have it written into your care plan ?

Having a circuit breaker at intervals maybe part of what works for you in this section of your journey.

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

TeejSenior Contributor31 Mar 2018, 12:52 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

There are no public respite places here anymore @Faith-and-Hope. The funding was cut for them all and all the brand new purpose built places have been closed less than two years after they were opened 😡. It is what I need. Mostly because I become highly sensitive to the smallest thing. Everything becomes a reason to not be here anymore.

I spoke to my therapist tonight in a very emotional phone call. I finally told her therapy wasn’t working the way we were going. She said we’d try other things and that she’d ring tomorrow to check in on me. It’s helped a bit, enough to take away the strong urges I’d been having before we spoke. Nothing’s changed but I’m not pushing myself so hard to pull the trigger for now.

Hi @Kurra. Pretty awesome to see you pop up too. 💜🤗

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

ethSenior Contributor31 Mar 2018, 10:25 am AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hey @Teej sending love to you All I can say is remember to breathe - one moment at a time. When I feel overwhelmed I honestly get into diversion activities - read, watch a movie or TV, do some creative cooking (research recipes on-line, work out shopping lists ets - it's a bit of a hobbie). Are there activities you can do that take your mind off things? Colouring, crafts ...? Hopefully you'll hear from your therapist today and that they have helpful suggestions for you.