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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 1:29 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

❤️💕 @Former-Member ....
It's a down cycle .... and glad you can see the hormonal influence there as well .... keep safe and ride it out ... we're all here for you.

4am here .... just ducking my head in .... fell asleep @early" last night so I'm awake early ... hearing WH coughing inside .... bit worried about him with this cold.

I might yet doze off again, but want to let you know I'm around.

Thanks @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Diprotodron and @Change123 .... feeling the strength of your compassion .... your experience at riding the waves ....

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 1:45 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member. Am here with you. Our hormones have a lot to answer for with regards to iur emotions.
I'm like @Change123. I've just started the menopause game. No period for nearly 2 months. Lots of night sweets. Dry skin. And a bit tetchy at times - which you may have noticed the past few days.
This afternoon with your skills test - you do what you can. I bet you surprise yourself. Your brain will take over & will demonstrate all that you know.
And you are surrounded by support here.
♥♥

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 2:15 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member .... above ..... 💕

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 3:06 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member .... I agree with @utopia .... I think with the skills test your autopilot will kick in .... you know the stuff so it will likely start to drive itself once you begin.

Can you take a walk to burn off some adrenaline ?

💜

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 4:12 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That was beautiful @Former-Memberxx

Love the picture @Awake2day

hello @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @utopia, @Change123, @Appleblossom, @Decadian

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2017, 4:43 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Well buggered the test up. Didn't read or remember the criteria for one part. Failed writing only completed a third of it because I didn't follow instructions 😡 Will respond to other responses later when I'm calmer.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2017, 5:15 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Change123. Im quickly just replying to you before you leave. I just turned 50 but no sign of menopause yet just lots of hormones around that time. Nearly every hospital visit has coincided with my periods. My body is going to hang on to this for grim death I think. Thanks for your comments though. Definitely having some beautiful BPD moments this minute. If I drive right now I'll get done for all sorts of traffic infringements 😡 So I'm staying still until I calm a bit. Really want to drive fast though. I hope your weekend is ok. Looking forward to your post on Monday. Enjoy your time off

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor25 Jan 2017, 5:37 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Oh dear @Former-Member .....

Maybe you can cite a headache or virus and ask for a re-sit ?

We all have off days .... even if you don't feel it was just an off day, when you consider everything you are juggling at home and on the inside, it's fair to cite it as that to the test people.

Whn my oldest three were little and every day was pushing trucks uphill, I was still dealing with the outside world as if I were an anybody .... then one day, when I was trying to apply for a position in a class for my S1 .... I stopped and took hold of the fact that I wasn't an anybody .... I was someone trying to operate as a single mum, with three kids under two (by then under 4), health collapse, hospitals, surgeries, nebuliser for asthma for 3 kids 4x a day, juggling in-law issues, involved in running our business as a part-time PA .... ???

No way was I an anybody ... it wasn't fair for me to just "take a number" .... self-compassion was kicking in.

You have a strong sense of fairness @Former-Member .... now apply it to yourself .... others in that test line don't have half of what you've got going on in the background .... it's not an even playing field .... so ask to sit the test again .... that's my suggestion anyway.

Maybe cool off first .... this is not your best look .... 😡 .... maybe wait for 😔:face_with_rolling_eyes:😏😊 ..... ❤️💕

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2017, 5:46 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Having a day of it @Faith-and-Hope. Finally got the guts up to enrol S4 back at school. They didn't get back to me so I don't know what is happening. He'll miss the first day of school at least. They are not open until next week now. He is already panicking about school and starting in a new school. She tried to deflect him saying they may not have a place....they have to it's his zoned school. Anyway probably no resit allowed for the test. The tester said to tell them I messed it up as I scored pretty well for the other parts. I am only hope.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember25 Jan 2017, 5:49 pm AEDT

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Oops can only hope. I probably won't make it anyway. We'll see. Will catch up again soon. 💜😊

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