I am struggling at the moment

Hello @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @utopia @Former-Member @Shaz51

I think i heard you all talking last night and woke up. I couldn't get back to sleep.

I eventually got up at 5am.

husband birthday today so was able to happy birthday him off to work.

am in zombie mode now.

hope you all have a calm day

Did you hear me coughing all night @Former-Member

I am on my second day of rest today

Happy birthday to your husband @Former-Member

Trying not to self destruct. Only made a week since I was last in this place. The few days I had that I wasn't in this space made me feel like it wouldn't come back so easily this time. Back to being a ball of emotions wound to tight waiting for the trigger to explode. Back to looking for my security blanket. I'm not sure what I hope for from this post 😬😔

Aw @Former-Member

You are having a bad time

It's okay with us if it's okay for you to think of us as a security blanket - okay - it's okay with me

We all have our reasons for being here - I enjoy the company - I like being able to be the old wise woman and share my thoughts and also I can share my rough spots

I can trhink back across my life to when I had bad days and bad nights and went in and out of The Melbourne Clinic on a revolving door basis - had times when I could not manage simple tasks - wept a lot - screamed at my husband for his non-reaction about our son and broke my heart about my mother

People told me of course that my studies were all too much for me - but my studies are what got me through

Coming unstuck on a regular basis is a horrible way to live - but it doesn't last forever - at least it didn't for me -

I care Teej - I care

Dec

@Former-Member

When the intense grooves are laid down in the mind its easy to slip into them .. just like tram tracks

.. the journey you are on .. we are all on .. is worth it.

I'm so sorry @Decadian, @Appleblossom

I just wrote a long response and lost it by hitting CANCEL 😬😏

long story short I have to sit my skills test for TAFE in a couple of hours and I'm stressing because all I've done all morning is fight off tears. Yesterday for the first time in over a month I felt invincible for a few hours until I became fused with a few things :face_with_rolling_eyes: I just looked up my calendar and it appears PMS is amplifying everything. Hopefully I'll get through but I really struggle at this time of month to hold it together. Thanks as always for your support.

hello @Former-Member @Decadian @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

The others have all responded in a loving, caring and supportive way.

we are all here for our own issues and even though some of us (myself) feel that we are affecting others when we are in a very bad way, we must still keep on expressing as much as we are able.

some days it might only be hello i am here. you might not even have the energy to say thank you because I know myself sometimes i dont feel in a thankful mood, i feel fed up, angry, hurting, great pain, enough, not again.

the nature of the beast with our illnesses is that we have to ride the storms to get through to the other side. pick ourselves up feel some relief and then more but different weather, if we are able to closely observe.

sorry i am getting too deep now.

i just want to let you know that even though you feel like giving up, you are fed up, you feel as though you are back with the same old.

It is not the same old, that has changed, you are in the moment now, which you have never been in before. You are still feeling similar overwhelming thoughts perhaps, that is also the patterned thinking in the brain nagging you. That patterned thinking will gradually diminish and be replaced with your new thinking, I am safe.

so while you are riding this storm we are here always even when we dont respond straight away.

i have already deleted and reading over this not sure if it will make sense or not. at least hopefully it will show you that you are important, valued and worthy. I am reading your posts and responding.

keep writing please xxx

Keep looking up...

That's the secret to life

(a metaphore for don't give up, hang in there)

@Former-Member

I know the feeling you think - I have control over this now and you think it will never get the better of you - and then bam out of nowhere you find yourself a mess. This morning I'm good but yet I can also feel in the background some depression looming which I'm fighting off. This morning on the way to work I nearly broke into tears for no reason and have no idea why - then I picked up at work.

One thing my GP said and I dont know what age you are but for me I'm going through menopause at the moment and this impacts your emotions even more. So it does make my BPD worse at times. Lately I seem to be jumping a bit all over the place within one day. I still think its probably all the stress from my partners family and then work (just too much crap to soon for the brain to handle). One thing I try to remember when I'm down is that I have been down so many times but I always make it through to the other side and you do too! Its just having to endure those emotions at the time. My control is much better over a lot of my emotions but it doesnt stop them from coming I just am starting to deal with it and realise it will go.

@Former-Member you have accomplished so much you know you can get through this and we are all here to help!

@Former-Member what you wrote - beautifully said!