I am struggling at the moment

Some great suggestions from @Kurra & @Faith-and-Hope - I love hearing different strategies people use. I haven't heard of either of them, but I will be storing them away for a rainy day. If either of you feel up to it, feel free to add your suggestions to the Coping Box

@Former-Member, do you have strategies and/or distractions that have worked for you in the past when you're feeling like this?

@Faith-and-Hope Have just implimented your 'run, do, come back and hide' program to cook tea. It may be helpful for you to remind me of this from time to time.

@NikNik I never know if those questions are meant to be rhetorical🤔. I'm in new territory at the moment and not made it this far before without SH or hospital or respite. I have been distracting so much in the last few weeks that everything keeps compounding but I'm still here and hope to get through. It seems coming on here is helping both with distraction and problem solving.

@Former-Member

Our most difficult year to manage with WH was last year, and when I found there was no cavalry without a diagnosis, I started looking for support facilities everywhere and anywhere I could find them, because, as you have seen with your lot, when everyone is in a crisis of some description, it also impacts everyone else in the household.

One of the first strategies for us involved getting all our able-bodied family members rowing in the same direction. We had to make a commitment to sustaining the "body corporate". By this I mean that everyone had to decide that we were going to stay together and try to see this through as a team - as an intra-dependent team - apart from D2 who has a significant disability, and D3 who was still considered a child at that point, so neither of them could hold as independent members helping to support the whole.

You can think of it this way .... if you care cooking scones, placing them close together helps the who,e batch to rise higher .... but each scone is itself an independent entity.

We remained mindful of our individual crises, and were careful of each other's boundaries, but there was only so much crisis any of us could cope with as individuals, so whatever outside facility or support we could find needed to be accessed.

For D3 that meant the school counsellor.

D2 and I joined an art class for a term.

S2 visited the uni careers counsellor, then took a six month study break and signed up for community art classes.

D1 quit as WH's P.A. And sought outside employment.

I confided in our priest, EDV, sought local services, talked to a circle of close friends and family.

I asked the kids to confide in close friends.

It is important to try to spread the load.

Thank you for always sharing your real life stories @Faith-and-Hope. I always take something away from it. At this second every thing you just wrote makes sense but in my head and circumstances right now I don't that I have the mental capacity or skills to do that. The irony is that I probably come across in control on here but in real life I'm finding it so much harder. There is no false representation of me on here but having time to write and not deal face to face is soooo much easier. I had a real life example this week where I realised this and fell in a heap over it. When I walk away from here my brain goes to mush, can't remember anything, lose everything, mess up everything (although I do that here from time to time too). Sorry ranting and it's sounding very much like self pity. I'm not sure what else to say.

Yay @Former-Member ❣

Seeing you do that is likely to give your kids confidence that they can problem-solve in baby-steps too ....

If they see you reaching out, or talking a little bit sometimes, it can give them courage to seek some outside help and perspectives too.

Late teens and young adults, while social with each other and needing peer approval in a lot of ways, are also highly insular at other times, and will stay in their rooms for long periods of time too. We all do in our house, and it's okay. I try to get us all to the dinner table together, and WH has started to try to align his dinner time with ours when he's here .... I see that as a baby-step on his part.

Texting is another major form of communication for us, even within the house. It keeps things to the point and everyone up to date with the family calendar.

And car trips are an opportunity to talk, or just listen to favourite radio stations.

Humour is big on the radar, and we have a ridiculous communal sense of fun ... like almost no rules ....

We try to get all of us, including S1 and DIL to the movies together every couple of months.

A little bit of everything seems to carry us forward.

💜🌷

Maybe just rest for a while and listen to music @Former-Member ?

Its a lot of information to digest, and none of us is all together all the time .... 💜

I'm watching TV on my own in my room.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I'm running on empty now and think I need to sleep. Thank you so much for all your responses. 💜😊💐

G'night @Former-Member 💕💤

Think I'm not far behind you ...

💗🌷😘

..am also watching tv on my own, and running empty..sleep a while off tho 🙂

Goodnight @Faith-and-Hope and @TAB. I hope you both sleep well when it comes 💜😊😴