I am struggling at the moment

Think I lied. I think I did have contact with my care coordinator after Christmas one day. The one who when I asked if she wanted to work with me deflected the answer 😢. She was giving me a heads up she may not be my care coordinator any more because of restructuring, looks like she was planning on restructuring me as part of it.

oh grrrr with the meds from gps.. i have had the same issue... gp wouldnt write me a script for my meds because of the dosage that psychiatrist had me on. He could see from my past prescriptions that my usual dr gave me that i did have that.. but he didnt agree so he gave me prescription for lower dose... which only meant that i had to take more tablets... sigh!! Its all about legalities of 'covering butts' i think.

I agree with the above... please flush away the temptation.

You do deserve bettter than this, and to feel better. please hold on,

take care

lj

@Former-Member

I would like you to consider "unlinking" this "deserve" element to your thinking ..... it's likely something you will need support to do .... but just thinking about it, recognising it, is a start to that process.

I am guessing there was some sort of reward for good behaviour and either punishment or ignore for "bad" behaviour while you were growing up .... usual to our era in fact .... and sorry if I'm way off the mark with this one ....

I know WH will only eat, and even then only the "allowed" foods, if he has been "good" and done the correct exercise to have earned that food intake ....

@Former-Member ... hear me ....

You are deserving of self-care simply by being ... it's allowed ❣....

You have the right to nurture yourself and receive love no matter what you have done or not done ...

It's not something that is earned .... it's a birth-right

I am gonna keep loving you till you learn to love you too, and even then my love for you will go on. I feel so blessed to know you, and I hope one day you can appreciate that.

❤️ n 🤗

Hi @Former-Member

I know 'the moderators' are in on it

You know what i mean

Maybe its something to think about

Love yourself first and then you will be able to love others

Try not to double-guess the care-coordinator @Former-Member .... or under-estimate how much she cares for you .... if you can think in terms of this ..... my WH is a fantastic guy and I love him to bits .... his "condition" is in the way of that, but it's not a condition that will stay as it is .... it will move .... the challenge is is getting it to move in the right direction and be gradually exchanged out for something better ....

That's the path you are on too. Your care-coordinator and most other people involved with you will adore the Teej they know is in there and struggling to come out from behind the "condition" that is currently there in the way ..... I tagged you from @MoonGal's post the other day because I know she has come through it in her own form, as have @Kurra and @Former-Member .... both of whom have been sharing their acquired skill-base with you to help you along ....

Wanna know something ? People who have never had to struggle in this way are as weak as p/ss next to you, but you don't realise that cos you're busy comparing yourself with those who have never been in the arena ..... or ideals set by others while you were growing up .... or media illusions .... or somethin' .....

You're already a champion @Former-Member .... even like there are boxers who have spent many years in training and in the competition ring, but have never attained the belt ..... that doesn't make them useless, washed-up or anything else .... and if you ask them, they will tell you, "I'm a fighter !" That's what they know, and it's what you know, and your tired and miserable and can't see your own progress, but we can ❣ You have had a year of it ❣

Now flush the crush .... pleeeaaase .... and let's get back on the road together .....

Your forum family are here to kick your butt and get you back in here with us ❣

❤️U @Former-Member ..... 💜💐🐠❣

Oh, and @Appleblossom .... I've seen you around here somewhere .... where are you my girl ?

@Former-Member needs a hand to see that we need her on the right page ....

❤️💕💐🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠 ....

Lots of punishment @Faith-and-Hope but I remember good too.

i don't know but deserving something has been attached to my psyche for a very long time, from childhood in fact. Being good enough and deserving of things has been a life pattern. Something broke the other day after I wrote that long post. I don't really understand it but it was mixed in with a huge amount of new year fear. I honestly don't know how I'll get through. As far as I'd thought I'd come I haven't come far enough to deal with what lies ahead. I've been experiencing complete fits of rage at really small things that are throwing SH urges sky high. I've even come close to the other kind of SH which I haven't done for two years. (*note taking a bath is where I SH that way and not in a good way so I need to update suggestions to take a bath not so good for me) I really wanted to take a bath to try and relax New Year's Eve but I didn't trust myself. But through all this I cant flush it, it will spike the need to go further quicker. I know it makes sense to get rid of it but I've never been able to yet.

All through this I keep thinking I dont deserve you guys on the forum. I have been so scared to call out this time, it's actually getting harder each time. Perhaps I need to add you all to my list of reasons to live. I don't have a big list but one is I owe my therapist for all I've put her through, she has been through so much crap with me but keeps showing up for me. I think perhaps I need to write I owe a core group of forums friends who keep showing up for me too.

Hugs @Kurra too. Thank you 💜🤗😘 I hope you are ok. I know you are knee deep in your own stuff.

@Faith-and-Hope Thank you for being here, you've never not yet and it means a lot to me. I hope I can be there when you need. 💜🤗😘

Thanks for the support @Happyness

it's ok @Appleblossom I saw you there, that is enough.

maybe a shower @TAB would be a good idea.

@Former-Member yep im the same too for both reasons. The psych I have now won't prescribe the old amount I was on either. My GP refuses to prescribe me any mental health prescriptions. Such is life