I am struggling at the moment

Hello @Former-Member,

Hello @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member

I am struggling a lot lately. The last few days have been hell. On Saturday I crushed up a concoction but have managed not to take it yet. But there is still a yet. SH and SI are so high on the agenda 24/7 at the moment. I have regressed back to before I started on the forum where it was all I could think about. I can't push myself to do anything. After being up for 10 min I'm exhausted and go back to bed. I haven't been out of my bed for days now. Since Thursday night I've had probably only 6 hours out of bed. 4 of those hours were to watch a movie in the lounge.

The battle of good and evil is so alive in my mind. Every thought has both sides arguing their way and I'm so tired of it all. Bad Teej tries to get me to take said concoction every hour or two, Good Teej says I need to hold on. I am not doing so good without my professional supports around. It's pathetic, it's only been 2 weeks. I pretty much hate myself.

Im so sorry to everyone I'm not around, it would be like having the devil around. No response required, just giving you a heads up I'm not really well.

Hi @Former-Member

thats just awful.

Can you phone your supports/hospital to let them know how bad things are? its not fair that things are so hard. keep looking after you.

keep fighting,

lj

Hi @Former-Member

Good to hear from you but not good that you feel so crappy 😞

You sound totally depleted so probably need all that sleep. Are you having any phone or other contact with helplines /CAT team / friends? Staying connected is a vital part of your survival plan. It's good you can talk to us on Sane and we are here for you anytime.

Christmas / NY break is long this year with extra PH and of course alot of workers take their holiday now. But tomorrow we are through it and services will be starting to re-open etc.

I understand that feeling of hating yourself but how does it help you? Can you find some compassion for you, like you do for others here with a MI? I have been amazed by your words of wisdom and encouragement when others are struggling at times. Please keep yourself safe.

Try to find something you can do each day that feels positive for you: make a simple meal, nice bath, sit in the sunshine for a while. Are you taking your medication as prescribed? I would suggest that you flush that concoction down the loo as an act of defiance and a choice to stay here....with us 🙂

If you run out of meds, please see a Dr asap. Call Lifeline 13 11 14 if you feel very unsafe.

We'll be keeping an eye out for you. Take care.

Frog

I don't really know what else to say. The hardest part is that one of the biggest arguments in my head is when I try to think of something that will make me feel ok the bad bit jumps in and says I don't deserve it because I've done nothing but been in bed so much again. I had a one week reprieve before Christmas but it's back worse than before. I'm supposed to be changing medication but everyone is too chicken to prescribe it for me, even after a letter from the psychiatrist, so I have to wait for the psych to return from holidays mid Jan. No one wants their name on my medications. I have been off my meds again, bad side always says 'what's the point'. I havent had contact with any agencies since before Christmas, just SANE.

I'm so sorry this is so messed up. I feel very messed up. Writing it here gives me some accountability so it helps.

thanks for the support @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @TAB, @Faith-and-Hope

@Faith-and-Hope its way too early for you to have to deal with this. I'll try to be here fore you too.

@TAB, @Former-Member I hope your day gets better too. I had a quick read. It seems a bad day for lots of us