I am struggling at the moment

Hello @Teej

Thanks for trusting us and sharing.with us

and I agree with @Former-Member, @Appleblossom, @Decadian xx

Thank you so much for reading and understanding @Shaz51, @Decadian, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom. It means a lot. 💜🤗

@Appleblossom

Thanks for sharing the things you connected with. Yep giving and receiving...what an emotional nightmare 😱Unfortunately the justification part is really strong. Writing a safety plan always seemed so contradictory to me. Obviously I'm wavering between both often now. The other night were the strongest suicidal feelings. I wanted to die so desperately. I think this minute I don't want to die but I don't know how to live. You always give me hope when I read that you have moved a long way past suiciding 💜

@Decadian Thank you so much 💜 And thank you for the likes 😊

Thanks @Former-Member

I remember a long time ago when Life Line was different and it was the "luck of the draw" about getting through and I would be hitting the redail button over and over again feeling desperate

Perhaps the best thig I can say is that more than just available services that are improving - we get better in time ourselves

Also - you are brave to trust us with so much information about yourself - this is a good thing

Likes- Decadian

Thank you for the post and the open and honest sharing and self reflection. That was quite amazing how you can express yourself and be in touch with your feelings and reactions so well. I wish I could express myself like that.

I use to feel like you did and the only way I could express it was "I put up a huge wall", due to childhood scars. But you explained it so well - exhibiting a milestone of inner growth. I second the statement about having a good cry - it does release so much tension, I always feel better afterwards xxxx

Hi @Former-Member

I've just read your post and wow you are amazing. You have shared your inner most deep fears and I can say to you that I understand. I was like you the other day, wondering what i want, who i am and suicidal thoughts.

But I believe that you, me and everyone on here have huge strength to get through this. We can all do it together. I love chatting to you and helping out whever I can, I don't say much but I try to do the best I can.

You are so worthy @Former-Member, you are just struggling and I know what that feeling is like. It desperation, it's powerless, hopeless - but out of all of this comes an inner strength and somehow you, me and everyone of us has to believe in that.

We have all gone through some hardships, stressors, traumas, mental illness etc. but it doesn't mean we are bad; it means things have happened in the past but we can change it; we can get the help we so need, the love, the care, the nuture, we so deserve.

One thing my new psycdhologist told me today was to have a 'mental health kit' ready for the times when I am in crisis just like you the other night. For me I am going to put playing with Jersey, making a cup of tea, waterting the garden - something that will take me off the track of my story and instantly change my thinking.

Hang in there @Former-Member we all love you and if you need to chat pls let me know

Hi everyone .... 💕

@Former-Member .... well done ❣ Not manning to be patronising in saying that ..... just want to acknowledge that it's huge ... and hugely worthwhile ....

Sharing as you do provides scaffolding for others on the forum who struggle with the same or similar issues in their own way .... and there is probably an element of them to all of us.

In my understanding, needing things to be equal amongst everyone comes from self-esteem support, or lack of, growing up .... "tall-poppy syndrome" if you like .... being made to feel that you are "too ___' (fill in the blank.... many options) if you stand out from the crowd, by parents, siblings, peers, teachers, sometimes elements within society we are barely conscious of.

That's the negative overtone, and one that can be worked on over time ....and it's an effect to do with our inner child's feelings of being accepted for who we are. The "L" word can be scary when it pushes that button ....

So good that you can recognise this area of need and talk about it here .... it opens the door to healing for you, and for many others .... you are sharing things that are hard for you, but in doing so, you are also sharing a path forward for so many other people. That opus my hope in sharing as much as I have re WH on here .... that it helps to light the path for others ....

Well done on that score too @Former-Member

The flip-side of a fear of standing out, of being worthy, is a heartfelt desire for everyone to be worthy .... for an equality of worthiness as it were .... and that is compassion in action.

Compassion is a healing force.

Sharing what you have is contributing to the healing power of the forum .... which in turn will help with your own healing.

Lotsa like and hugs @Former-Member ..... 🤗💗💕

I really like that @Faith-and-Hope

I need a whole bunch of little hands with the thumbs up

Maybe I can find something - let's see

🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋🙋

Oh yes - seek and ye shall find

Dec 😊