I am struggling at the moment

all the links are important in a community@Former-Member

it is one of the reasons I turned towards choirs and harmony .. and away from competition .. please Bella

Go easy on YOU

We are all unique beings

Your spidy senses are important to us

Hi Teej,

Lola here, one of the moderators.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time and I want re-assure you that you are not 'the weakest link on the forum'. As many others have stated I too think you are courageous and brave in discussing what is going on for you. Remember you have your fellow forum members and us moderators here to support you.

take care!

Lola

Hi Teej,

Lola here, one of the moderators.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time and I want re-assure you that you are not 'the weakest link on the forum'. As many others have stated I too think you are courageous and brave in discussing what is going on for you. Remember you have your fellow forum members and us moderators here to support you.

take care!

Lola

hi @Former-Member

hows today going?

We just got home from playground/quick shop. so tired, body not really coping with the antibiotics either so feeling pretty sick... but ear hurts less today. its still crazy busy out there, i thought it might be quieter today.. maybe after new years it'll settle down...

kids want to do lots of things this afternoon, will get to it after a coffee break...

lj

Its been hot here ... but a cleansing downpour just passed through ..

Thinking of you. @Former-Member

Hello @Former-Memberxx'

sending you hugs my friend

been thinking of you today

good afternoon @Former-Member, my wonderful friend

I have a couple of stories , one of myself when I was 12

Or the one with my stepchildren

as you know I have had no children of my own and unable too , but have 4 step children who i have been part of their lives for 10 years now

2 of them will have no contact at all from their mother , I of them is close to his mother but is on Meds and self medicating himself , and the other i is in very limited contact with her mother

Part of me has thought about butting in and writing to their father to let him know -- my hubby , their father thought of doing this too , but he didn`t which was good because she would not believe him and cause more problems between the children and their father

my step children have worked out the relationship they wanted to have with their mother, father, me as their stepmother

Like for my own story , my mum never rubbished my dad , but my dad ruined our daughter/ father relationship through his actions at an early stage in my life

Your boys are finding themselves , what they like and what they don`t like

Hi @Former-Member

I just read your post explaining your situation now. I really feel for you as the emotional stress and financial concerns must be horrific for you at the moment. I am in my second marriage but experienced similar stress In my first marriage - my first husband was vindictive and malicious against me (for leaving) and poisoned our children's minds against me (I had to move away and he had more influence). I have been estranged from them for 10 yrs and the grief nearly destroyed me as we were close; now for different reasons I feel I am also losing the only adult child I have left.

I left my first husband and money was tight - I know how you are feeling. I feel your goals for getting yourself well enough to bring some extra income is a good one. I use to also do casual work to pay those extra bills. I lived week to week but somehow just made it through. It will work out @Former-Member as you do what you have to and make it work. Its no walk in the park but that determination and love for your children will see you through to this end. What helped me at the time is that I made plans of what I had to do to survive financially then I put it out of my mind - I decided that worrying about it was not going to change anything so went with the flow. Only focusing on the day or two ahead (sometimes could not bear that and so just lived in the moment, listening to music, reading, walking or whatever else I liked to do that served as a distraction for that balance we need for sanity).

I liked your idea of either writing or talking to your ex being honest and open about what is going on with your sons. As you said, this could give him the opportunity to do something if he chooses to. He may not but it is always good to keeps the lines of communication open and offers an opportunity for improvement. Your boys are at very difficult ages emotionally and would lack the maturity to cope and process their pain/emotions/value. Hence it's easier to run away - but I am with you with that may not be healthy in the long run. Is there someone outside the family they feel comfortable in opening up to? Sometimes just to express how they are feeling will help them work through it and make better decisions. To work through the anger was the most important part for me. I can remember me at that age - I could not express myself at all and just harboured that pain. It grew into a lot of internalised anger that resulted in self destructive lifestyle habits and an unhealthy self image. Not good.

I really appreciate even more the support you have given me recently seeing you have been under so much duress. You are a very giving, special lady and stronger than you think. It is very difficult raising teenagers on your own, I know of the extraordinary stress you would be under and hope that our support here for you helps some. It's good to read that you were doing jigsaw puzzles - any distraction and relaxation to lift the stress for a little helps our minds, helps us to cope. Seizing all the peaceful moments possible and just being in them without reflecting for a little on the stressors at hand.

I am under similar turmoil but for different reasons. My daughter has allowed her abusive ex in her life again and is mixing her meds with self medication substances again. She is a ticking time bomb and there is nothing I can do at all as I have tried everything. I never know what tragedy tomorrow will bring and live in this anxiety every day.

She has to work it out now I have accepted and sometimes we just have to step back and let them do it. It's keeping life somewhat normal with a normal routine that's just near impossible to do - but do it I must to ward off another relapse for myself. This just takes sheer will power and not giving up. Hang in there. It's not easy my friend, it's a hard road but we will get through it together. Sending warm hugs 😘

I'm ok @Faith-and-Hope. Will post in a bit. It's been a big day but ended up ok💜🤗