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I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember23 July 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

I am struggling at the moment

I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.

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In response to: I am struggling at the moment

tilajContributor27 July 2016, 5:51 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Former-Member I appoligise but Im also glad that i latched on to your post Your amazing Even when your struggling You still care....My day? I havnt achieved anything but also havnt gone backwards either. My company is tv tea coffee and smokes. Not true. I did achieve. I had a shower I stepped out the front door to close up my the car and the sky was amazing. I know my situation will change. Just dont know when or how..YET

Take care

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember27 July 2016, 5:55 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

the only jokes I remember are the ones I've lived in real life. One night I was watching a documentary with my kids and they had discovered this ancient ruins which they said had never been discovered before. They were filming it obviously, but silly me, sitting in the lounge room here, I blurted our "look at that, its amazing, hope they remembered to take a camera" My 16yo son look at me said "muuumm!" (my embarrassing drr! moment)

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

KurraSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 5:59 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

That's a really good one @Former-Member
It certainly gave me a good laugh. I can hear the tone of voice in the muuumm. It's universal.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

TABSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 6:15 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Aciclovir? cheap at supermarket. Coldsores not worth killing yourself over.Yes, its about the ones you leave behind. Be strong. Big hug. Talk to a professional please

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

Unknown userMember27 July 2016, 6:51 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Please don't apologise @tilaj. It's how the forum works best in my opinion, jumping in where you feel comfortable. I'm glad you found some positives in your day too. I haven't managed the shower but did a few dishes and organised an electrician. That's pretty much the total of my day but compared to yesterday it felt like a lot. It's great you noticed the sky too😊 Take care and feel free to chat anytime 😊💜

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 7:01 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

lol Yes there are motherhood statements ...

and motherhood jokes ...

a little time elapsed makes it easier to laugh at ourselves ... but lets not be too harsh ... laughing with the indulgence we give a small child ... because motherhood (parenting in general) is one hell of a job.

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

DecadianSenior Contributor27 July 2016, 7:06 pm AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Ah jokes - I love jokes

Let's see

I have to be careful - remember Irish jokes and elephant jokes -

Okay - deleted that - jokes can be risky

Okay - the truth - when our kids were young we dook them to the Penguin Parade at Phillip Island - and when it was over the Little child whined

"I didn't see the pink ones - I wanted to see the pink ones"

"No - penguins are always black and white - not pink"

"You said we were going to see the Pink Ones"

Okay - that's the truth and not at all politically wrong

Its the best I can do right now

Decadian

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor28 July 2016, 12:48 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

Hi @Former-Member. lol. Yes I'm good at the laughing bit too. My humour does tend to be a bit black & off. Probably suits my mood a bit. But a good belly laugh - there is nothing better.
@Former-Member. Love it. My brain not working well at the moment , so I can't think of any. But I know all mums have had those moments.
@tilaj - well done. Some days being able to have a shower is a huge step. Celebrate those achievements.
I hope everyone gets a good sleep & tomorrow is a beautiful day

In response to: I am struggling at the moment

utopiaSenior Contributor28 July 2016, 2:15 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

@Decadian. Sorry I missed your family story / joke. Fairy prnguins. Was she expecting fairy floss colour pink. Or did she think fairy penguins meant they aould all be dressed to look like fairies. Poor little one.
I did ring a mechanic friend up and told him every time I start the car the engine temperature goes straightvto high. He questioned ne and I said I know the car I've been driving for a year. He drove an hr through peak hourctraffic to come and help me after a long hard days work. We poooed the bonnet - everything looked goid. So he sat it the car and started her up. He said there was nothing wrong with the temp of the engine. So I pointsd it out to him. He starfs laughing and spluttering. Then says I've been pointing at my petrol guage.
My whole family laughed about it. I didnt laugh for another 2 years

In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment

AppleblossomSenior Contributor28 July 2016, 2:25 am AEST

Re: I am struggling at the moment

I think @Decadian daughter misheard the sound of the word ...

if thinking fairy ... penguins can sound like ...

it took me a while ...

Is that right Dec?

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