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I don't know why I am really writing this. There seems to be part of me which says that I need to pull my head in and do this alone and another part who so desperately wants to reach out for help. I am really struggling. I'm not coping at all. For much of the day I've thought about all the reasons to die and there are hundreds. There is also one reason to live that keeps me here. I can't let down my oldest son and cut out his trip of a lifetime. He would have to come home and pick up all the pieces for everyone. I keep telling myself I have to hold on until he comes back and then I can let go but this keeps me waiting to die not choosing to live. I have a cold sore that now goes from the corner of my eye the length of my nose and it's slowly creeping across my face from stress. It started on Wednesday and each morning I wake to find more of my face engulfed by it. I am so tired. I am so sorry to write this and I know I'm so lucky to have friends on here that care. I don't want anyone to have to deal with this as it is so depressing so I started this thread as a way of saying that I'm not well when writing here and please don't feel obliged to read or respond.
Sounds like that long sleep was overdue and healing in nature ...
Glad to hear you're taking it slowly today after the marathon yesterday. There's a lot to think about, but as you said yourself yesterday, you can recognise your progress in other areas ....
I hope this little piece of thought helps you with it all .... when your boys were growing up, there would have been times when they got really unsettled, you know, a real dose of the crabby naughties .... just when you were wondering what the he-ll was wrong with them and whether you would need to sit them with a "free to a good home" sign out on the front verge .... they would suddenly pop out a new tooth, or grow 2 inches overnight, or their shoes suddenly wouldn't fit, or they turned around and spouted some new insightful comment .....
Some of what you are referring to as regression may in fact be growing pains as you are gradually confronting deeper issues and taking control of them, like the SH you have avoided engaging with (so well done by the way !!).
Just one of my little thoughts .... hope it resonates somewhere in your cloud and you can be a little more gentle and forgiving of yourself.
Hugs 💐
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member, hi, good to see you, and glad you're taking it easy today. You made progress yesterday, not attacking yourself as bad after being treated badly, you do deserve better. Big cyber hug from me.
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
tilajContributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Havn't been on here for few days
OH MY GOD this site works nobody judged you
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Yes it does @tilaj. I hope it helps you too💜😊
Thanks @Former-Member. I hope your day is going ok. Thanks for the cyber hug, sometimes they are needed😊💜
In response to: Re: I am struggling at the moment
tilajContributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Excluding appointments This is my only contact with the outside world at the moment.
Thanks
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member. So pleased you made it home and had a good sleep. Sometimes when our emotions have gone into hyper drive - the best thing we can do is sleep. You may find you need more sleep over the next few days. That's ok. It gives your brain a chance to heal. Keep posting on here and let your friends know how you are. And let us know if thede is something in particular you need - eg: jokes - not talking - or talking.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
I've been there a lot too @tilaj. For most of the past five years I've isolated my self so much. For the first two whole years I only saw my GP and therapist so I understand where you are coming from. Apart from a really close friend I only see family and occasionally have a coffee out with a friend (about once every 5 weeks) This has become my safe social world too but I am trying to slowly move out into the community again too. Feel free to chat anytime. If you put the @ I front of any of our names we receive an email notifying us you've mentioned us and it's sometimes wuicker to get a reply. How has your day been?
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
Hi @utopia. Jokes are pretty much always good😄 Sometimes we forget that we really need to sleep. I've had a nap already today. Feeling still emotionally pulled apart but in a manageable way at the moment. How has your day been?
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@Former-Member. My day has been slow but I'm tratraveling okay. Bugger. I'm terrible at jokes. I hope others on this site have a few good ones. I always get the joke ending wrong. My brain just doesn't absorb them. Glad you are coping. Hoping you have support around you.
In response to: I am struggling at the moment
Unknown userMember
Re: I am struggling at the moment
@utopia if it's any consolation I'm terrible at the telling the jokes part but pretty good at the laughing or at least smiling part😄 I hope your day picks up now, I'm guessing your son is home from school. Yes I know those slow days too well. I hope tomorrow is a good day for you.
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