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Something’s not right

The Anniversary

The Anniversary

It's 30 years today since my son took his own life in Juvenile Detention

I have been in Canberra on holidays for the last few days - flying home late this afternoon

It is been a good break - really great hotel - I saw the War Memorial - my reason for coming to Canberra

But this morning I woke up with a feeling of utter desolation - I cannot describe the despair I felt - mostly for the waste of a young life that was so troubled and dark - I can't imagine how he felt

Although I have shadowy moments on such dates - and sometimes feel I did not do enough - I know I did far more than was every required - and much of it after he died when I became active for improvements to be made in DHS and Juvenile Detention

I spent 10 years of my life doing this

But still - tose shadows linger - but I know I have come such a long way in my life-time - and I did not need to come this way

I'm glad I did - and my thanks to many members in this community who have been so helpful these last months - I am so glad I found this website

Decadian

37 replies

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In response to: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

@utopia@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts -

That headache bothered me all day and it was a day full of unexpected interuptions so I did not get the chance to rest - so by evening I was exhausted and couldn't eat more than some soup and yoghurt and then watched a movie and was glad to go to bed and fall asleep straight away

It has reached a stage where I need to get another computer - I would have gone out yesterday if I felt better - but I had a variety of people call in so it was fortunate that I was at home - but I might do that today or tomorrow - I have fixed this computer myself several times - and I can tell it's giving up the ghost

This anniversary knocks me around - I don't know why it keeps coming around and wrecking me the way it does - I did as much for my son as anyone could - more than anyone did - and still it was better this year I think - a few bad patches here and there. The worst has happened and can't happen again - but still it nearly destroys me at times.

I do appreciate how much other people care - one of the people who came yesterday was my minister - she has visited me every couple of months for years and I have wanted badly to go to church but it's too early in the morning - this minister is leaving in a couple of weeks and I am hoping the new minister will have evening services again - as was the case in the past - I can easily get to evening services

Hopefully today will be better - we have fine weather forecast and I will hopefully be able to organise a new computer over the phone and pick it up when I have a driver tomorrow

Thanks again everyone

Decadian

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

This morning I woke up early - I have been doing that lately - and while I was writing I heard the birds start singing - this is the first time this winter - it is the best sign of spring I watch and listen for

It was a full moon last night - what a glorious moon on such a clear night

And they say we will have some warm weather until the weekend - which I like the sound of very much indeed

Decadian

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

Hi @Decadian

Where I live the birds are singing every day. I hear the kookaburras. it is so nice to hear them.

Hope you have a nice day today @Decadian

Take care xxxoo

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

Thanks @BlueBay

You are right - the birds do sing every day - and I love it

What I didn't mention is that the birds I have been listening for are those that sing first thing in the morning through Spring - today I heard them for the first time this year -

It's early this year - maybe the sign of an early spring - and how lovely it is - but I also have a wry smile - for although this is sometimes called The Dawn Creation - it is actually the male birds letting every other bird that his is his patch, his nest, his female and it will be his chicks

But whatever - soon those birds will be in full voice around dawn - and I could stand outside and hear them forever

But about that fine weather - I guess it's raining where you are @BlueBay - it's raining here

Decadian

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

Good morning @Decadian @BlueBay

Its pouring rain here on and off .... the weather for cast is mixed tho so we might have peeps of sunshine today ...

I love hearing the birds right on dusk @Decadian, when there are crowds of them jostling for their place on the branches in a tree, all wanting the best view of the sunset and creating an incredible din ❣

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

I love them in the evening too @Faith-and-Hope

I think this happens more in autumn - but I will listen to it as the trees fill out with leaves

At sunset they sound so busy - as if the mother bird is getting dinner ready and the father birds wants some peace and quiet after a hard day being the bird of the nest and the juvenile birds are arguing about what to watch on the bird box -

What does go on in a birds' nest at dinner time?

I love nature - I have had two birds' nest in my back courtyard - one was outside my bathroom window - and there were three baby birds in there and the day the mother tipped them out I had to wonder about the crowded house and three birds in there that were ready to fledge. The others were two baby ring-necked doves - and I actually had the chance to hold them - and they knew me - after they had fledged I found they would follow me down the drive with the parent birds busy watching out - ah - da human bird was kinda big and had the puddy tat - I could actually put those babies back in their nest for a short time

And they grow so fast -

Decadian

I don't mind at all if my thread becomes a nature thread - anyone feel free - I think it would be great

In response to: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

@Decadian. I sat in the garden last weekend listening to the birds. You are right. There were a few different bird calls that we don't get at this time of year. Strange because it's been a cold winter where I am. Expecting -1° this week. Will be leaving the heater on that night.

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

Thanks @utopia

I love nature - or perhaps natural history - I am a great fan of David Attenborough

I watch the sky - for the phases of the moon, the rising and setting times of the planets as well as the sun, and the clouds - I have a lot of photos of clouds

And now this is my permanent thread - this is where I say that headache is sneaking back and I have done a lot of stuff today and feel enough is enough - and I am taking something for the headache and getting a cold pack for my head and spraying my sinuses.

Sometimes it can take a long time for the penny to fall - I am seeing my doctor tomorrow - I had pressure in my ears while I was in Canberra - there was a pretty dynamic cold front across most of Southern Australia when I was flying - and my ears popped excessively - and I had an earache on the way back and kept sniffing on an inhaler - and at home I used a nasal spray - I have steam too -

My sinueses are packed up - and after I have done the steam I think a sleep would be a good idea

I have found some great friends here - it distressed me a lot having so much troule in the website where I was a moderator for so long - and I can still read those forums - well, most of them - and they are still harping on about the same subject - I am over it - glad to be out of it

But I need to rest

Back later

Decadian

In response to: Re: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

Have a good rest @Decadian 🌷💕

In response to: The Anniversary

Re: The Anniversary

(((♡))) Hugs 💕
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