The Anniversary

@Decadian

Thank you @utopia and @Faith-and-Hope

It was an excellent break - and thanks for the snowflake @Faith-and-Hope - I have the feeling that Mother Nature turn the weather onto all channels just for me - I had a bit of everything

And @utopia - yes - my visit to the War Memorial was fantastic - I might go back - I probably will go back

Some of the information on my grandfather was illegible - however I know some theatres where he fought - and I think I need to go back and see more - but I know Canberra better now -

I walked for miles - this is a good way to see a small city

And my son - yes - my memories are burned deep into my mind and always will be - it's as if I can't forget one detail of a life that was too short - but I also know he had somekind of MI - I will never know - and drank to excess no doubt to make it all stop -

So I doubt his life meant that much to him - he was so troubled - in my heart I know I would not have wanted him to go on living like that

Thanks so much

Decadian

Hi again @Appleblossom

There is a Greek or Persian saying "May you outlive your children" - it sounds like a blessing but it is really a curse

We would not like anyone to know what the suicide of a loved one or close friend does to us - they are likely to find out anyway - and no way in the world would I wish that on anyone - we have had two suicides in my family - the other one was my cousin in 2008

It is okay to be angry that people can do this - but as horrible as the truth is - it is because God gave us free will - and I know it doesn't make God happy when anyone does this - he too grieves for that soul

However - a few weeks before he died there was a Children's Court hearing that lasted over 7.5 hours across two days - and when it came to my turn to be questioned I was asked to swear an oath on the Bible and refused because I am a Christian - and I opened the pure white pages inside that grimy cover and read from Matthew where we are told not to swear an oath - but I had to swear one anyway

So I said "Seeing as it is required I shall render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's" - and I will explain that if anyone wants me to

However - my son watched all of this and asked me about it later - and expressed his wish to change - and I believe he was "saved" - whatever that means - and that he is safe now

But I was angry - very angry - but he did have the choice - he did have the right. People make their own choices - we all do - and hopefully most of us live through all of the bad twists on our Learning Curve -

I get it - and we have to get our anger out - otherwise it turns into depression - and this is no good for anyone - and it happens to women more than men becauase girls are told it is "not nice" to be angry

Decadian

I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner @Decadian. Great that your time in Canberra went well for you. Thinking of you and sending warm wishes. You have been so strong.

Thanks @eth -

I know you have to take time out sometimes - and I understand this

I don't always feel strong - but it seems when I want to travel - I do - and it was certainly worth it

@utopia

At the War Memorial they do honour the invisible wounds - PTSD - in WW1 there were men sh ot for cowardice - terrible - how will anyone learn anything

War itself is a terrible burden on mankind - and yet - we must defend outselves against powers that turn our "green and pleasant land" into a mudbath -

For me - war history is interesting - both of my grandfathers served in WW1 - my father in Vietnam, my brother, brother-in-law and myself were all reservists during that time

The War Memorial does honour the Our War Dead - it is a place of commemoration - but I understand how it would be too hard for you when your father suffered so much from the horrors of Vietnam

I was thinking as I was there - I would not have been born had it not been for WW1 - and that is the project I am working on - I will have to go to London to find out about my other grandfather - I don't like the feeling of those long plane flights - and I am not getting any younger - but I shall do it

Truly - I am sorry about your father - my brother lost mates in Vietnam and I have had two friends suicide in my own circle - it was a terrible way to treat our troups -

Decadian

Hi everyone

It's Wednesday and I find I can't run away from the effects of the Anniversary any more than I can ever run away from myself

It has caught up with me - I have a bad headache - not migraine - but really stress-related I think

I am finding it hard to read - I have read some posts - but I can't really help anyone today - and I'm just letting you know that I care about everyone - but I am lying low today

Back later - I will be okay

Decadian