Fear of intimacy

hi@sadgirl well please tell me if I"m on the right path. It seems there are 2 main issues, the hurt from your past and your lack of self-esteem with your body image, and it appears the latter that is upsetting you more. The fact your husband wants to have sex with you shows he finds you desirable. As males if we love someone body perception is much less important. But I sense a deeper rift that is not allowing you both to communicate honestly. You talked about his health and renewed interest in exercise. Maybe try gently to find again meaningful conversation were you both feel ok to share and listen and than you will no when the time is right to broach these issues in a healing way. I hope I don"t offend you girls with a different perspective. take care

Great to hear a supportive male perspective @riley 😊

Hi @riley

Thanks for your input. Hearing from a male's view is great, thank you.

Yes, there are a few issues. Self esteem and body image are two big issues. Feeling self worth is another, i don't feel anything atm.

You're right - communication is a deeper rift because we don't communicate.

No, you haven't offended me with your perspective, it's actually good to have a male's view

I don't know what to do.

Just keep building little bits of communication into your life together @BlueBay .... the communication breakdown doesn't happen overnight .... It happens in dribs and drabs over time ....

Put it back together the same way - in dribs and drabs.

You will turn around one day and realise that it's happening better than it was, and you will continue getting that feeling if you keep adding to it.

Make sure you say good morning, good night, please, thank you, how was your day ? how did you like the movie ? how are you feeling ? how do you feel about that ?

We make small talk with other people, but we forget to do that with our nearest and dearest ....

🌷

Will I ever get better??? Somehow I don't think I ever will 😞

It's a lifelong therapy, journey, whatever to even feel better. So much of my life has been crap, so much of my family are still crap.

I sometimes wonder if I will just be like this for the rest of my life.

so what's the point???

but @Faith-and-Hope what about him?

I suppose someone has to try first, so it has to be me doesn't it??

I'm angry tonight, I sent my therapist an email about me writing a letter to him for help. He replied and I then went psycho with a reply back. He replied again and I apologised for my outburst of anger. the anger wasn't at him; it was at me and i took it out at him.

I just can't control my emotions, it frustrates me so much.

everything is baby steps isn't it @Faith-and-Hope

I'm just so scared of things not getting better, not working out;

Now is the time to turn away from these shirt of thoughts @BlueBay. Fill your time and mind with self-care ... grab your beautiful Jersey and get yourself out for a walk, her eyes will tell you that is worth it !

Cook something.

Knit something.

Turn up the music.

Ask hubby to go out somewhere.

Watch a movie.

Chage the channel on that thinking ❣. You can do it ❣

OK @Faith-and-Hope

I'm going to cook dinner. And then I will knit more of my scarf.

Jersey is laying next to me; she won't go outside, it's too cold!!! She is such a princess dog not a kelpie!!

I need some more self soothing tonight, need to get this anger feeling out of the way

thank you @Faith-and-Hope for pushing me along. xxxooo

Have you tried journaling @BlueBay ?

Glue in pretty cards, a ticket to something you have been to, write down positive quotes (there's the thread here full of them !) and anything that appeals to you. Buy stickers and scrapbook stuff to embellish it with. I know you are already crafty ....

Write your poetry in there too, and your feelings.

If you journal, across time you will start to see how you have grown and healed.

It's a journey you are on, and other people have been on a similar one, and they have healed .... look for success stories amongst other people who have suffered like you have ... make yourself one of the success stories by sticking to the healing path.

Big hugs for how you're feeling tonight.

🌷💗💕

And don't wait to be in hospital to write cards to other people, and ask them to write back to you .... they obviously don't realise how much it means to you 🌷