Darkness

Hello @Former-Member , thank you for sharing your photos. I'm really glad all went well with the wedding. The bride looks amazing in her wedding dress and the wedding cake is beautiful.

I hope you are getting all the rest you need, it sounds like you are very tired.

Please take care 💕 xx

@Anastasia How you doing my friend?
I have been ok. Still I here though seeing psychs everyday damn day and having to do group sessions. There has been talk about maybe me going home next week maybe which I am hoping so. Missing my kids terribly. They have come and visited me a couple times but it is never enough. Also it's my birthday soon and even though I hate celebrating my birthday and prefer it's not acknowledged I know I definitely don't want to be in here. I just want to be home with my kids.
I am hoping you and you boys are doing ok hun. Sending you some love and lots of hugs. ❤️💙💜💚🧡💛

@Lee82

It is so good to hear from you!! You sound really good!

How are you aside from over the place? I bet you are missing your gorgeous boys, I am happy to learn they have been able to visit you. I'm doing ok. My boys are ok too. My boy is going back to his Dad's for a long weekend but I feel ok with it as it's not in anger or haste. My bf was an ah tonight spoke to me like a piece of :pile_of_poo: and then blamed me for asking a stupid question. I'll never understand that. So just catching up on here and I guess an early night. Big hugs xxxx

Oh I am so sorry to hear that hun. That is not right. You don't deserve that. I hope things will be better tomorrow for you and your BF hun.
On another note so happy to hear that your boy is doing ok and so are you.
I am doing ok at the moment but each day seems to be different. Most of the time I am coping as best I can but other times I am totally falling apart. I feel like being in here has been a total waste. I feel like I have made no improvement or if anything very little. What the hell am I doing? I am way too broken to be fixed. 😕

I guess one positive is at least I don't feel like a zombie all of the time anymore.
@Anastasia

Oh hunny I'm sorry you feel that way @Lee82

Well I love you just the way you are. I don't see you as broken. I see you as a beautiful friend, mother and soul. I'm glad you no longer feel like a zombie. I recall vividly my boy in zombie like existence, awful. Glad that is behind you hun.

Oh well. I don't know why it actually really hurts as I would never lash out like that. And then to turn it around as my fault for asking a question. I sometimes wish I had stayed single at least no one can be cruel to me that way. Karma? Who.knows 🙁

Of course it would hurt babe. I Iknow exactly how you feel about the fact that it was turned around on you. I went through that too many times to count. Just remember that you are NOT stupid and that those hurtful words are most likely used out of anger which is still not right.
why do you say Karma?
@Anastasia

For any wrong doing that I have done in my life intentially or unintentionally @Lee82

Karma paying me back? Recently I told a pdoc something that happened frequently in my childhood that I'd never told anyone about. He said I grew up in a traumatic environment and it is the reason why I have anxiety. The recent events with my boy has been the trigger for my anxiety being so bad. Its funny I guess I thought my childhood was reasonably normal but in truth I've always been ashamed about what happened. I can't change it Mel but hence the Karma quote 🙁

I'm so sorry hun I drifted off a little. These bloody tablets. I nod off a lot lately. So rude of me. I apologise.

Honey, please hear me when I say that whatever happened in your childhood and what you may have done is no reason for you to be getting any sort of karma. You DO NOT deserve to be treated that way NO MATTER WHAT!!
I totally understand about your kids being your triggers. It is not a good feeling at all. I will tell you something I haven't said to anyone yet and that is my 13 year old is a massive trigger for me at the moment. He can't even hug me at the moment without my PTSD kicking in. It's the most horrible, terrible feeling ever.
@Anastasia

Don't be sorry I understand hunny.

Oh @Lee82 that is awful I am so sorry but I do get it and hear you. Something that your dr will help you work through. And you will sweets. The fact that you've been brave enough to share it with me means you will be able to share it with your Dr so you can start getting support to help you with the feelings around it.

Oh I feel for you dear Mel. Our boys turning into men, necessary, but not easy and added with the PTSD makes it a very difficult road. Holding your hand all the way sweetie. You've got this xxxx

I was just about to try to sleep but I will hang around a bit in case you need me ok xxx