Darkness

Ohh sweetie, you did exactly what I asked you to do last night. You reached out to other threads and other members and you got help there and you help others as well. I was in no state to help anyone that's why I just supported posts without adding to the conversation. I should have explained why I had to be sedated, but I wasn't clear enough an hour ago to do that but it had absolutely nothing to do with what you had shared last night. You really need to stop punishing yourself for my actions, you also need to stop telling yourself and me for that matter that you are not good for me. Your friendship, your support and your love is so very important to me and being able to love and support you gives my worthless existence something to get out of bed for everyday. I couldn't bear it if you decided not to talk and share with me.

I am going to drop what happened after I said goodnight to you and @outlander on the tough times thread when I can type it out without the tears and without the fear overwhelming me.

I love you so much honey. Thank you for being you, thank you for your support @Lee82 please don't stop sharing and please never leave.

@Former-Member , very much trying to do that. Sorry

I won't stop talking with you honey. I will always share and I am ALWAYS here for you no matter what. I'm just a little 😥 at the moment.
best to stop chatting on here for now as it is obviously not being received very well. I will check in with you later please stay safe honey and lots of self care and kindness.
p.s. you still haven't answered my questions but I will leave it for now and maybe later you may feel you can answer them then. I am always thinking about you gorgeous. I hope you can continue you seek support in other threads as I have seen you already have.
@Former-Member

Sorry @Former-Member I have been joining other threads recently but this morning has just been a pretty rough and emotional morning.

Babe I just have something to ask you. It's coming from a good place I just need to know what's going on that's all so I know how to best approach the situation.

Are you trying to keep a little distance from me?
I know you won't completely stop talking to me and I know you care about me a lot but I'm wondering if maybe what I'm going through is a little too much for you right now or you are afraid I'll ask you questions you don't want to answer. Or is it the fact that we need to be contributing else where that is makes it tough to connect with me.
If any of this is right please let me know just so I know what do. One of my down falls is extreme paranoia. Please be honest with me babe. @Former-Member

Good morning @Lee82,

Firstly my love when am I ever not honest with you!!!! Fear and loss run my life and is especially high right now, causing way to much anxiety for me to handle on top of everything thing else. With that comes the fear of breaking rules, I tend to make things harder than they need be because of that. When we were first cautioned about solo chats in the other thread, I freaked out wondering what the hell was I going to do because I couldn't lose the friendship the bond we had. The mod (sorry mind blank on their name) however was so lovely and helpful, we navigated that. I was getting worried about this thread as it seemed to be heading the same way, I tried to tag other members as much as possible to avoid that but still @Former-Member brought it up anyway. Rightly so I migh add. So again yesterday I was freaking out and tried so hard to make sure I was doing what was needed to stay on the forums. No one will deny the friendship we have is strong, but through experiencing the forum I have also made friends with other members and along with your friendship I am worried about being asked to leave and losing their friendship and support and being able to support not only you them as well.

As for what you are going through, no it's not too much for me and it's hard not being there for you at night. But with the meds I need to take I am either out cold or too f**ked up to even type. I don't mind you asking questions and know that you won't be offended if I couldn't answer.

So with me: I present when Kimmy, Bear and Nikki is "out" this hasn't always been the way but we have lived happily(most of the time) this way for years. However this new one I am not, "she" maybe out for a few seconds to a few hours and in that time I have no control whatsoever so I will be absent from the fourms when that happens. Please know I try to check in somewhere and tag you so you know I am ok.

Lee, please never second guess how much I care and love you.

Love you 3000

ps I have typing this of over an hour now, mother called half way through 🤨

PPS, no I am not trying to Distance myself from you in case that wasn't clear in my last message. @Lee82

Firstly thank you so much much for your detailed response. I really appreciate that.
I had a feeling that was the case but my paranoia gets the better of me sometimes and my mind begins to think up all sorts of things and most of the time it becomes negative so after a few days of thinking sh** up I thought I would just ask you.
That is all completely valid babe. I get what you mean. I feel so much better knowing this now so thank you for that.
I just value our friendship so much and don't ever want anything to come between that. I care very deeply about you Izzy and I can't imagine my life now without you in it.
I am very happy that you have formed other friendships within the forum and glad you are getting more support.
as for the night time please don't feel bad about not being able to be there for me. You need to look after you firstly and I am so happy that you are able to get the sleep you need most of the time. Just know that most nights I will be awake so if you ever want to chat just post a message like you did last night. Sorry it took me so long to realise you were on. My phone is still playing up a lot.
I won't post on this thread again as I know what you mean when you say that it was becoming isolated again.
So sorry it's taken so long to respond I have had a few Telehealth appointments with my MH team.
It pains me that you are struggling so much with your new alter babe and I wish there was more I could do.
I love you so much babe and all I want is peace and happiness for you.
@Former-Member

Just popped in here to post to you babe because the other thread was a little too busy. Just stopped by the worry room and I noticed your post from a few hours ago.
Feeling a little worried about you so please whenever you are up please check in babe. I hope you are safe my friend. Love you always. Here are a couple quotes for you to read when you get up.

Just popped in here to post to you babe because the other thread was a little too busy. Just stopped by the worry room and I noticed your post from a few hours ago.
Feeling a little worried about you so please whenever you are up please check in babe. I hope you are safe my friend. Love you always. Here are a couple quotes for you to read when you get up.

@Former-Member