Darkness

Unfortunately yes. Mel when are you going to answer me about you my love? You know when you don't tell me my imagination gets wildly out of hand. @Lee82

I'm so sorry hun. I just feel terrible talking about me. I am not doing so good babe. The monster has been around tonight and I can't stop these tears from flowing.
@Former-Member

I am sorry Mel, please don't feel terrible especially when I ask you. There is one big problem with our friendship 😕 I know, I get a gut feeling when something is "really" wrong with you amd that's a horrible feeling to have knowing there is absolutely nothing I can really do to help you😟 Do you need any medical attention sweetheart? @Lee82

I think I am ok. Got a little out of hand. I am going crazy at mums hun. She makes me feel like a failure. I just want to run away. I'm made to feel like a burden like everyone would be better off if I wasn't around.
@Former-Member

I feel defeated

Sweet, I wish I had a magic wand to take your pain away, a magic mirror that would allow you to see who you really are and not through the critical eyes of those around you in real life and maybe a huntsman to take her far far into the woods and........

I know I must sound hypocritical, because I don't want to go to hospital and am avoiding it like the plague but also I have manage to keep the monster away most nights now. But I really don't want you not going Mel, we nearly lost you last week and your boys would have been devastated and so would have I the only difference would be that they knew and would get to say goodbye while I would know, I would guess right after a time but I wouldn't get to say goodbye, I am getting all teary just thinking this. I want you around for a long time please baby accept the help. @Lee82

I don't think I can do it on my own babe. I'm petrified.
I am so so so sorry about last week. I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I have let the one person that means the most to me down. I was just trying to make the pain stop. I'm so sorry 😢

@Former-Member

I am so very proud of you for managing to keep the monster away for so long babe. That has made me feel so happy and warm inside. I hope you see this as a step forward as progress. That is huge news hun. 💗

Mel, you have to remember that i understand why you did it, I understand the true need to make it all go away but understanding and accepting it are two completely different things. I would never be able to accept not chatting to you, I could never accept never seeing your name again. Accepting the lost of my best friend can't do it. Please you didn't let me down, I am just sad I wasn't around to talk to you that night.

I know that keeping the monster at bay is a real step forward and I am greatful that that could be behind me at last. I even had a moment of being proud of myself for all I managed to get done down in my paint room while hubby was away yesterday.

My EDMR treatment worked well for me for nearly 10 years, I have since found out that my sessions were not conducted correctly so who knows if it had been done correctly maybe I wouldn't be where I am right now. I know that hospital EDMR treatment is far my intense but you are very lucky to be able to do it in a private hospital love. This stuff works sweetheart and you deserve to give it ago, you deserve to come out the other end feeling ok and while the boys will miss you terribly they deserve to have you at their graduations, to dance with you at their weddings and they deserve to see you hold your grand children. You won't ever be alone again for as long as you want me to be I will be right here beside you. @Lee82

@Lee82 , I have t o go ambulance at neighbours and sire panic attack. Bac soon

Oh hun I hope you are ok...please try and stay present and here with me
@Former-Member