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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Fluttershy1 The part of you that feels like it has failed people... it sounds like it wants to do well, do the right thing, do right by others. That in and of itself is a great quality to have, even if it is causing some distress right now.
Big piles of care and soothing vibes are being sent your way

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Jynx - it's the some of the bad alters telling me I failed everyone. They are really loud...

I keep disassociating, several panic attaks I hid hid hid.
currently crying and facing SH urges....

Im safe

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I can't give you a go or don't answer but honestly @Lee82 if it helps then 4 weeks in a lifetime is a drop in the ocean.

Go with your gut feeling.

I've been a single mum my entire life. I always felt guilty being away from my kids, I still do ☹️ whatever your decision choose what's best for you hun. Those gorgeous little people will be there waiting for you at the other end x If you decide not to then it doesn't mean you can't change your mind down the road either ♥️♥️♥️♥️

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member Hi how are you? I have had a pretty good day went for a run and walked the dogs did a couple of jobs around the house and some shopping before a afternoon nap I have just started night shift and today is good. I have been up and down for a few weeks I am hoping some nice weather will help. I hope you are going well and today has been a good day 😊

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

How the hell did I not see this earlier, I am sorry my love. I know how much you hate this idea but hopefully you can come out being able to cope a little better. 4 weeks without talking to you 🙀🙀 But it's what's best for you. I have to finish cleaning up for the night in my paint room and when I e made my self as human as possible I will jump back on and see if you are still around. Love you babe. @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

That's the thing @Anastasia I don't know what's best for me anymore. It's pretty much not a choice on my part anyway. I have been pretty much told that this is what's going to happen. Last hospital visit last week has pretty much sealed my fate.

how was your day today hun?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Are you still around @Lee82

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey @Anastasia, I hope you managed to get through your day ok my friend

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Yes thank you @Former-Member

How are you hun, are you ok?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

That's a hard one to answer my friend. I have all what I like to call my "normal" stuff happening with the DID and the C-PTSD, my child alters have been more difficult since Sunday and my shadow alter has surfaced again and they a just a huge dark cloud waiting for the perfect moment to strike out. This only started early this evening and it has prevent my night meds from working. Of course I am a little worried about @Lee82 , I have sent her a couple messages over the course of the afternoon/evening and she hasn't replied😕 Really hope she is ok.

How is your boy doing. @Anastasia

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