Darkness

Our family session was just to talk to the boys about my anxiety and to let them know I have it. It was a very basic run down on it not much info given. It's just hard to accept that your kids need to know this sort of s**t at such a yound age. I went through hell as a kid knowing all about my mums bullsh**. It just makes me very scared and over protective I guess. I don't need to worry them. I don't want to worry them. Mr12 asked me I reckon 20 times today if I was ok. That's not normal. We should be laughing together and mucking around. We should be playing games together and having great big life chats. I shouldn't be hiding under blankets trying to bloke everyone out. He should be coming to me with his worries not the other way around.
@Former-Member

It a tough place to be. I should be there for them. Supporting them but I know I can't be there for them and help them if I can't help myself. Helping myself means putting me first and as a mum your children always comes first. @outlander

Please never put yourself in the same category as your mother EVER. Because your anxiety is so bad right now, it won't be forever but because it is your boys needed to know, it helps them understand why you are under the blankets. It was very sweet of Mr12 to be asking you rather than ignoring it and you. You haven't told them anything like what your egg donor told you and I know you never would. It's ok to be protective and scared about what they know and see but it's also ok that they know the age appropriate stuff. At least they know what is wrong or part there of and understanding is key for little people it stops their minds for making stuff up and blaming themselves. You did the right thing my love. @Lee82

Thank you for n Lo saying all that babe. I think I need to hear it more often because I am really struggling with it all at the moment and is the main reason why I won't go into hospital and the main reason why I fell I can't do what I need to try and get out of this sh** hole I'm in. I haven't started taking my meds again because they make me feel really sick therefore won't be able to look after the boys and help with home schooling. Plus I'm on a few different things so probably better to do through my psychiatrist however That means having to tell him which will probably mean him putting me back in hospital so they can montinor my progress. It's all just too overwhelming.
how are you doing babe? Anymore time lost?
@Former-Member

You ok sweets?

@Former-Member

@outlander You ok?

Honey, please do what you need to do with you meds, they will make it a little easier to cope. I know the side effects are bad and it's bad timing, but having you alive is more important than anything.

Unfortunately, things have gotten a lot darker here tonight. But I am safe though.

@Lee82 , love you 3000

Oh babe I'm so sorry. What can I do for you babe? Have I said something that triggered you?
@Former-Member

Babe I'm worried please talk to me.
@Former-Member