Darkness

Wow, I am really sorry your mother is such a jerk (jerk because I am not allowed to say what I am really thinking) that had to be rough to sit through. You are not a worthless piece of :pile_of_poo: people here who have never meant you in person see the real you. Who is she to tell you how to mother when she buggered it up so royally herself???? Wishing I was hiding with you my love. @Lee82

Wish you were hiding with me too babe. Yea it was pretty horrible to sit through. I wish I had the confidence to tell her to get f**ked. I wish she didn't affect me so much. 😢

I can't seem to do anything right at the moment.
@Former-Member

I want to run so far away. I want to run and never stop

I wish you the same courage my sweet. Well if you run make sure you have the boys, Boris and a internet connection so you can still talk to me. I wish there was something I could actually do to help you. @Lee82

Boys would be better off without me around. I am just making things worse for them. I am not good at being a Mum. They deserve much better. I feel guilty about it every single day and it doesn't help when all your wrong doings get thrown in your face all the time.
@Former-Member

I know a 19 yr that has been without her mum for 8 years now and not a night goes by that she doesn't have nightmares about her leaving, she questions everyday weather she did something wrong, that she wasn't a good enough daughter and maybe if she was better behaved mum would not have left her. She now has a host of MH issues. I know you don't want that kind of future for your boys my love. It sucks that it's so hard right now, it sucks that your mother is such a dam......😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡🤬abut your are stronger than you believe and those boys are lucky to have you. Love you unconditionally @Lee82

Hey @Former-Member A really tough day today. My normal energiser bunny was once again bouncing off the walls and several others followed him. It took so much energy to calm them all down. Then one of my kids ran from behind me - to hug me the little sweetheart - but slammed into my back so suffering with pain tonight. Art tomorrow though so although that is tiring too the kids are really good and less emotionally stressful.

I dont want that for my boys but I can't help but feel like they would do better without me babe. It's like I have this battle inside me. What I want vs what I have to want. I'm so broken and messed up I feel like I am messing them up too. My mum is not a nice person. She thinks she is doing the right thing but instead she just makes my life worse. Everything has to be done by her rules and values and everything she says and does is right and everything everyone else does is wrong and there is no convincing her otherwise. I just so tired of being here. I am safe babe I promise I just want to give up.
@Former-Member

how is your night going nikki? How you feeling? I'm so sorry I feel like I have put all this s**t on you and I know that the last you need or want right now.

@Zoe7 , sorry to hear about your back pain😞 it's hard when it's not done deliberately, you know they didn't mean it but can still hurt like nobody's business. Your energiser bunny exhausts me just hearing about about. You Miss Zoe are a saint, teaching is no a job many people are cut out for I know I am certainly not. I am hoping you have some good pain relief so you manage some rest tonight. 💜Nikki

The last thing I want or need right now is for you to feel completely alone or abandoned by your best friend. You show your boys you love them in so many little ways and then in the biggest gesture by waking up every morning and doing your very best to provide what they need. You won't always be this bad honey, you asked me to hold on to the smallest bit of hope I could for the future, now I am asking you to do the same. I have no right to ask you this after what I did but are you sure your safe and am in no way close to breaking our promise? @Lee82