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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Missing you heaps too Mel, how are you going tonight?

Like I said earlier I am constantly switching and that is exhausting for the body and mind, as such I am sleeping a lot. No go on the hospital, lets just say a couple of alters made their feelings very clear on that and my team have decided not to do that for now. Sean is managing us well at the moment. Unfortunately Nat is on 3 weeks leave so am a little worried about that. Love you 3000 @Lee82

Hi little one, thank you for your little posts it means a lot to Izzy and me. Hoping you are doing ok.

@outlander

Hi @NatureLover , sending you a huge hug and hope you are doing as well as you can.

@Zoe7 , thanks for the lovely post the other day. Sending you a squishy hugs

@Sans911 , @Shaz51 , @Snowie , @Maggie , @Faith-and-Hope , @Eve7 , @The-red-centaur @Eden1919 @Fluttershy1 , @mudsum , @Angels333 , thinking of you all and hoping you are doing as well as you can be. Nikki

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

so glad you checked in @Former-Member its good to see you

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Former-Member 💌

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Yes, it's great to see you @Former-Member !

Thank you for the update, Nikki. Hope you are doing as well as possible as you look after @Former-Member ...

Thank you for the huge hug, which I really like ❤

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Hey hun. I can imagine just how tiring it is for you to be switching alters all the time. I am so sorry you have been having such a rough time. Do you have someone else you can call upon while Nat is away?
have you done anymore paint pouring lately? I would love to see some more of your work.
sending you a gentle hug my BFF.
love you to infinity and beyond

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

So I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and made Izzy a little mad, but I stand by what I have done.

I got sick of the messages why aren't you on fb, you haven't liked any of my stuff on Instagram in like forever, you never visit anymore!!!??!?! So I took a deep breath and in a group message to all my family that I talk to, I told them the truth.


I told them about my DID and my C-PTSD diagnosis. I explained how my DID works and told them about my alters. I explained the triggers and reactions to the triggers because of the C-PTSD. I told them I can't drive, that I am medicated, that Sean has had to move back in for 24/7 support and monitoring. I told them that my day starts and ends with sh everyday and that si thoughts happen a couple of times a week and that in February I try to leave this world 4 times.

I am so tried of hiding who we are because of the fear of rejection. Funny enough the two who are a'holes were the nicest to me in the end!

💖🌸 @Lee82 🌸💖 I hope you are ok my love

💖🦖 @outlander 🦖💖 I heard you little one and I am sorry. You are an amazing person who is struggling. It doesn't make you a bad person.

💖🌵 @NatureLover 🌵💖 thank you for your kind words. I hope you are doing as well as you can be.

💖👩🏼‍🏫 @Zoe7 👩🏼‍🏫💖

💖🚘 @Sans911 🚘💖

💖🐶 @Former-Member 🐶💖

💖☃️ @Snowie ☃️💖

💖🌺 @Maggie 🌺💖

💖🦋 @Shaz51 🦋💖

💖🎨 @Angels333 🎨💖

💖🎧 @The-red-centaur 🎧💖

💖🍭 @Fluttershy1 🍭💖

I hope you all have had an ok day. 💜Nikki

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Oh wow, Nikki! Well done. I hope this will result in more understanding for @Former-Member .


@Former-Member wrote:

Funny enough the two who are a'holes were the nicest to me in the end!


Funny, that!

Thank you for your kind wishes ❤️

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Your so brave @Former-Member i hope they will have more understanding now. Love and hugs ❤❤

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That took a lot of courage @Former-Member and I have nothing but admiration for you for doing that

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

That’s a huge step @Former-Member . Well done. I really admire you for that. The only person who knows about my DID and CPTS diagnosis in real life is my counsellor . I hope you feel a sense of relief. 💞💞

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