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Something’s not right

Darkness

Darkness

Well it's been a hellish few weeks, I have fallen into the rabbit hole and there seems no escape this time. The darkness has come and it thicker than the fires of hell.

Things just don't seem to going right at all and my MH is just getting worse and worse. Not sleeping (afraid to sleep) not eating and not taking my meds. I know this doesn't help but why bother because when I am on them I either feel zone out or that they do nothing anyways. I didn't make it work today, got to the front and was physically sick and froze again. Crawled back into bed where I stayed untill I had an unexpected call.

My 3 main MH professional and I in a conference call, at the end of the call I was given a choice be sectioned or have my ex move back in temporarily to provide around the clock monitoring, this means for at least two weeks of him being here making sure I eat, take my meds and be present for all appointments and no SH. I am not happy about either option but because of teenager trauma in a MH hospital I am taking the ex.

I will not be as active as normal but I will check in. but like tonight, I may just support posts as I am struggling to even type this. So @Snowie @eth @Lee82 @Eden1919 @Purplerain @Lotusgirl amd anyone I missed I will be getting the care I need and will be safe. To some of the newest forum members please forgive me if it takes a bit for me to get back to you.

6906 replies

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In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you for your sweet wishes @Lee82 ...I wish the same for you, especially that your night is OK. Has today been bearable for you?

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

It was so nice today. My brother is so sweet. He took me out for dinner last night, he made me breakfast this morning we went for a massive walk around the city and he bought this for lunch....

He is trying so hard to make me feel better. It is so lovely unfortunately still feeling pretty low and miserable. Had a panic attack out today with him. The poor thing had no idea what to do.
I don't know what is wrong with me @NatureLover . I just can't seem to get any enjoyment out of anything at the moment. While out with my brother all I kept thinking of was getting home so I can lay on the couch alone. I use to be such a social person. Now I don't want to be around anyone anymore. It is so damn hard to live this way. I don't know how much longer I can keep it up sometimes. It is just so bloody tiring.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I'm so glad you have your brother looking out for you, @Lee82 🙂

Severe depression is my worst fear... I've had it often in the past. No wonder you don't enjoy anything @Lee82 , and just want to curl up on the couch and be alone. And yes, it's exhausting too. I'm actually not sure about your meds situation, but meds saved my life.

I'm sorry you had a panic attack while out...but I want to say, well done for even going out. That is amazing, when you are feeling so awful.

Sending you your kind hug right back to you @Lee82 ❤

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Thank you so much for the hug @NatureLover really need one at the moment.
I have been on medication for a few years and then back in jan I took myself off them cause I had given up on everything but my psychiatrist has now started me back on them again so I am also going through the first stages of dealing with the side effects of the meds. I still have a long way to go.

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Oh gosh re side effects, @Lee82 ...I hope the side effects ease and the meds start kicking in soon. It sounds like you've had severe depression since before January 😞 I really feel for you.

I am here if you want to talk about anything...

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Yes I have struggled with severe depression for a long time as well as anxiety and PTSD. I have been hospitalised a couple times and attempted suicide four times in the past and a couple recently. It has been a rough few years but I seemed to be getting better slowly until I fell again a few months ago. This time I feel like I have fallen harder and faster.
@NatureLover

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

@Lee82 I'm sorry you've attempted so many times. 😞 I attempted 3 times, when I was much younger. That's also not good that this time your severe depression happened so quickly, and so hard...was it a circumstance? Or brain chemistry? (No need to answer if you'd rather not)

In response to: Darkness

Re: Darkness

Was thinking of someone very dear to me when I made this today.

@Lee82 @NatureLover @outlander @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

That is beautiful hun. Loving the colours.
thank you for sharing that with us.
love you to infinity and beyond babe
❤️❤️❤️❤️

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Darkness

Re: Darkness

I cant see your pic yet @Former-Member
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