QUOTES THAT SETTLE MY MIND

On Relationships:

Quotes & Notes from the book, “Boundaries”
by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

“part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job and what isn’t.”–p27

“…he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick.”–p30

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”–31

“we are responsible to others and for ourselves…denying ourselves to do for others what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of Christ…this is being responsible to. [but] Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry. No one can do certain things for us. We have to take ownership of certain aspects of life that are our own “load”. “. p32 See: Galatians 6:2. & Prov. 14:10

“we need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.”p33 But we also need to let the bad out and the good in. Our fences need gates. Boundaries are not walls.

“many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing “fruit in keeping with repentance” (Luke 3:8). To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.”-p39

“consequences give some good ‘barbs’ to fences. They let people know the seriousness of the trespass and the seriousness of our respect for ourselves. This teaches them that our commitment to living according to helpful values is something we hold dear and will fight to protect and guard.”-40

“Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge…Feelings come from the heart and can tell you the state of your relationship. But, the point is, your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue the are pointing to.” p.42

Attitudes: your stance toward something.

Belief: anything you accept as true. We are the only ones who can change either.

“people with boundary problems usually have distorted attitudes about responsibility. They feel that to hold people responsible for their feelings, choices, and behaviors is mean.” p.43. But see prov. 13:18,24

“to rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to them powerless.”-p43

“patenting with love and limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident children who have a sense of control over their own life.”-p43

Examples of boundaries: skin, words, truth, geographic distance, time, emotional distance, other people, consequences.

What falls within one’s boundaries (that we are therefore responsible for): feelings, attitudes and beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, love.

“when we confess that we have a heart that values things that will not satisfy, we can receive help from God and his people to “create a new heart” within us. Boundaries help us not to deny but to own our old hurtful values so God can change them.”-p45

We can’t actually set limits on others. “What we can do is set limits on our own exposure to people who are behaving poorly; we can’t change them or make them behave right.”-45

“The other aspect of limits that is helpful when talking about boundaries is setting our own internal limits. We need to have a space inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire, without acting it out. We need self control without repression.“–p46

Taking ownership of our talents is often frightening and always risky. p-46

“Establishing boundaries in thinking involved three things. 1. We must own our own thoughts…2. We must grow in knowledge and expand our minds…3. We must clarify distorted thinking.”-47

“…we need to make sure that we are communicating our thoughts to others. Many people think that others should be able to read their minds and know what they want. This leads to frustration…We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.”-p48.

“We often do not actively seek our desires from God, and those desires are mixed up with things that we do not really need. God is truly interested in our desires; he made them…To know what to ask for, we have to be in touch with who we really are and what are our real motives. If we are wanting something to feed our pride or to enhance our ego, I doubt God is interested in giving it to us. But if it would be good for us, he’s very interested.”-pp48-9

“Our loving heart, like our physical one, needs an inflow as well as an outflow of lifeblood.”. Our heart is a trust muscle that needs to be used and exercised. -p49-50

“Many people do not take ownership of how they resist love…We maneuver subtly to avoid responsibility in love; we need to claim our hearts as property and work on our weakness in that area. It will open up life to us.”-p50

Thanks @Former-Member .... ❤

Affirming ..

"WORRY DOES NOT
EMPTY TOMORROW
OF IT'S SORROW,
BUT EMPTIES TODAY
OF IT'S STRENGTH"
~ Corrie ten Boom

CORRIE TEN BOOM FAITH QUOTES

"Never be afraid to trust
an unknown future
to a known God"

"WORRY DOES NOT
EMPTY TOMORROW
OF IT'S SORROW,
BUT EMPTIES TODAY
OF IT'S STRENGTH"
~ Corrie ten Boom

"Forgiveness is an act of the will,
and the will can function regardless
of the temperature of the heart"

"Any concern
too small
to be turned
into a prayer
is too small
to be made
into a burden"

"It is not my ability,
but my response
to God's ability,
that counts"

Worry is a cycle of
inefficient thoughts
whirling around
a center of fear.

"When a train goes
through a tunnel
and it gets dark,
you don't throw
away the ticket
and jump off.
You sit still and
trust the engineer"

Memories are the key
not to the past,
but to the future.

Let God's promises shine
on your problems.

"FAITH IS LIKE A
RADAR THAT SEES
THROUGH THE FOG"
~ Corrie ten Boom

The measure of
a life, after all,
is not its duration,
but its donation.

"DISCERNMENT
IS GOD'S CALL TO
INTERCESSION
NEVER TO
FAULTFINDING"
~ Corrie ten Boom

Hope I've been 'kind' more than 'right' or 'smart' here. Guess using love as a guide...

~YOU ARE~
E-N-O-U-G-H

Have to remember that one Tawney