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Something’s not right

Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor19 Apr 2020, 7:20 pm AEST

Going through the motions

I had surgery and the anaesthetic meds messed with me for a while afterwards causing me to have all sorts of weird thoughts and reactions to other people. I was on quarantine so the extreme isolation messed with me as well and mental health issues I had thought under control reared their ugly head too. While all messed up like this I broke things off with the one person who cares about me more than anything and hurt him deeply setting off his depression. Three days later I realised what I had done and proceeded to contact him to apologise and explain what I had been going through but he has gone silent from the internet and I have no other way to contact him. This is usual for him when he is depressed but if he is not expecting to hear from me he might not check the sources of contact we had even when he comes back from looking after himself. I'm spiraling down since this all happened and can't forgive myself for hurting him so badly. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my life just barely. I don't deserve to be happy and I don't want to be happy. I want to fix what I broke. I feel like the worst person in the world. I hate myself for what I did. I don't feel like a mature adult and I'm not coping with my feelings very well at all. It's been a couple of weeks now and every day I feel worse about what I did.

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In response to: Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor21 Apr 2020, 8:04 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

@NatureLover That would be more than okay. I'm going offline soon though... trying to limit myself and do other things. It's supposed to be good for me. 🙃.

Have a good night!

In response to: Going through the motions

NatureLoverSenior Contributor21 Apr 2020, 8:05 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

@Escaped_Goat I had heard that a narcissist never changes, sadly. You protected your daughter. I take my hat off to you.

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

NatureLoverSenior Contributor21 Apr 2020, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

No worries, @Escaped_Goat - thanks for the chat. 🙂

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor21 Apr 2020, 8:10 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

Thank you @NatureLover

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

NatureLoverSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 1:54 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

Hi @Escaped_Goat , I hope you are doing OK and are not beating yourself up too badly.

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 2:01 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

Hi @NatureLover thanks for the thought. Bit of a rough day. Contacted my doctor regarding increasing my anti-D's temporarily at least. He's faxing a prescription down to my local chemist. Hoping this helps... not an instant fix but I'm struggling so I think the extra support is required.

Hoping this isn't against the rules.. I've read them but my brain is like a sieve lately.

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

NatureLoverSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 3:08 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

Sorry to hear you're having a rough day, @Escaped_Goat . I think it's a good idea to get that extra support. I guess it will take a couple of weeks to kick in, which is always a bugger. (Not sure if I can say that word, but I'll see if it will let me!) I read the guidelines on mentioning meds too this morning, and I think what you said is fine. I hope you can take care of yourself till the meds increase kicks in.

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 4:24 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

@NatureLover Still waiting on the chemist to receive the fax. Had hoped to start tonight.. they aren't open tomorrow of course. Then we have Sunday. I know the doctor sent it... I've checked with them. The chemist is annoyed at me for phoning to see if it's there yet. My brain hurts. I'm tired of explaining to them that... yes I picked up a prescription for this medication already this week but it was a different dosage and the doctor is faxing a lower dosage prescription through to increase my dosage. I hate getting the third degree about my medications.
I'm am old lady.. just let me have my meds and nobody gets hurt! 😂

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

NatureLoverSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 4:39 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

Haha, @Escaped_Goat ! Is your chemist open late tonight? I know it's not easy for you to leave the house sometimes...but I hope you can get the meds tonight.

In response to: Re: Going through the motions

Escaped_GoatSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 4:47 pm AEST

Re: Going through the motions

@NatureLover I live in a country town.. we are lucky if they don't close early because nobody's up the street. It's happened. No customers = early minutes.

However they did just receive the fax so I am in luck tonight!

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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