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Bad time of year

DecadianSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 10:28 am AEST

Bad time of year

I'm going to Canerra for a few days soon - and that's a good thing

I have the anniversary of my son's death on the 16th - now I really feel it - I have been better this year - maybe because of being here - I have felt useful and people have been helpful - really great

I left the website I used to be in - it was a huge part of my life - and even making the decision to leave was hard - I know I did the right thing - but it was a horrible experience

It was my birthday yesterday - I had a good time with my dd and gd but I am not sure about the food - I have felt a bit off colour - I didn't eat that much -

I know better than to eat much right now though - some toast will be fine today

Generally I feel really low - and tired - and I think I am grieving more than one thing or two -

I don't know whether to post this - I think that it's a good idea - I don't mind reading what other people write - I actually feel better myself to know I am not alone - and I know this will pass

But yes - the weather is atrocious here - I want to go out - but unless I feel better tummy-wise - no - I will stay here - where if my tummy feels worse I have the appropriate conveniences handy

We all feel weird and tired and unhappy and unfulfilled at times

Decadian

44 replies

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In response to: Bad time of year

Unknown userMember07 July 2016, 11:10 am AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Hey @Decadian,

it appears you have a lot going on for you right now. I feel for your loss regarding the website which sounds like it was such a big part of your life and obviously somewhere for you to both give and receive support which seems to go to the core of you. I'm also thinking of you with the upcoming anniversary of the death of your son and will be here for you through that the best way I can.

Im really glad for you to be going to Canberra. I think a change of scenery is going to be great. Hopefully you'll strike better weather than we've had. I definitely agree with the weather making things that bit more difficult and throw in tummy problems you could probably do with a self care day and try to pamper yourself a bit.

Thinking of you @Decadian and hoping your day improves, sending hugs😊💜

In response to: Re: Bad time of year

DecadianSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 11:56 am AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Thanks @Former-Member

I am big into self-pampering today - and eating a light diet - and this too shall pass

At least I know what I ate that made me feel crook - I didn't eat much of it - couldn't - wouldn't - I respect my body to much for that

That website was the soft place land - and very important to me - and I think I am not losing a lot - the site is so quiet - hardly anything is happening there - and what is has everything to do with MMJ and I have my opinion on that - no secret - and other people can have theirs

But not the manager of the site - she has to respect everyone - and she hasn't - and I keep telling myself that I am big into looking after my well-being - and I will recover -

And going away will be great - I just hope I can pick up the shuttle without getting drowned in the rain - Last winter was gloomy but we have had so many wet days this winter it's like the good old days

And yes - I know - the good old days are happening right now -

Thanks again @Former-Member

btw - being a pessimist about the weather - good idea - either I knew it all along - it's wet and stormy - or we get a lovely day - fantastic surprise - I win either way

Decadian

In response to: Bad time of year

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 July 2016, 12:41 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Oh @Decadian
I'm so sorry to read you are not well today and it's close to your sons anniversary. Can't write much now at work but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.
I'll be back on here tonight. 💕 Xxoo

In response to: Re: Bad time of year

DecadianSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 1:01 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Thanks @BlueBay

I know I will have days like this - sometimes having every thing going wrong at once is hard to handle - but it's better than having one rotten thing after another strung out over weeks

I know you are at work - I hope that co-worker who is no friend - I am sure - keeps off your back today and that you don't have to work so late

And also - I am hoping that you get into hospital asap - it must be going to happen soon

Decadian

In response to: Re: Bad time of year

hope77Senior Contributor07 July 2016, 1:34 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

hope you are feeling better soon @Decadian I'll pray for the sun to come out just for you. (ha HA) my heart goes out to you for the anniversary of your son. May God bless you with peace until you are with you son again

In response to: Bad time of year

PrincessmollySenior Contributor07 July 2016, 2:11 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

@Decadian im fairly new here so i only read your story last night. Im truly sorry for your loss. You obviously are an integral part of this site i know you have already helped me immensly and im guessing you make a huge difference in a lot of peoples lives. Hugs to you at this difficult time. Maybe do something special to remember your son like write him a letter and put it in a helium balloon, plant a special plant or tree for him. I hope that you take care of yourself. Your son was/is lucky to have you as his mum 💗

In response to: Re: Bad time of year

DecadianSenior Contributor07 July 2016, 2:30 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Thanks @Princessmolly and @hope77

It would be wonderful for the sun to come out just for me - it might just happen - I will let you know

And @Princessmolly

Yes - one reason I understood so much about your situation was that I have been through it - and I sincerely hope you can get the help you and your son need - I am sure focussing the story back to during your pregnancy will help - it will give people a better idea where to direct you and how to understand your little boy is really past unhappy - but really hurt

Things are better than they were so long ago

And it helps me to hear you too - I feel that what I went through is worth it somehow that I can pass my exxperience down - and in the future - you will do the same

There are som children who need help - and more than just one person - but a village - and sometimes more than that - a city - a planet

I wish you all the best

And I will let you know if I get that sunshine @hope77

Decadian

In response to: Bad time of year

Unknown userMember10 July 2016, 12:39 am AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Hi @Decadian, sorry i missed this thread till now. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY for Wednesday (same day as my mother). Be thinkingg of you this nwxt week, your son 😞 These anniversaries really mess with us, i find the week leading up to it the worst, as if the anxiety can stop it ever happening, or coming, or who knows the why. My daughters b'day is Nov25, Christmas without her Dec25 & the anniversary of her passing 26Jan (Australia Day), those 2months its relentless, can't cat h a breath. So i know and qill bw hwre id you want to talk about your son.
Of cause winter would be a difficult season fo you.
Hope the Canbeera trip goes well, stay strong,
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF -ALL WEEK, HUGS💕

In response to: Re: Bad time of year

DecadianSenior Contributor10 July 2016, 1:16 am AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Hi @Former-Member

I will be very quiet next week but I am glad you have sent you this message

I don't know why anniversaries throw a bolt through the works - the worst has already happened - it has been easier for me this year

My son's life is full of 16s - we adopted him on the 16th - he died on the 16th and he was 16 - and that's just the 16s - I could write a long paper on all the 6s in our lives - being born on the 6th was my first

On the 16th Dec I had unexpected dental surgery - and that was very painful - that night I felt as if the end couldn't come soon enough and the next day I had a swollen jaw and a bruise on my face

But thanks for understanding - I do understand your anniversaries too

Decadian

In response to: Bad time of year

EvilchildContributor03 Aug 2016, 2:26 pm AEST

Re: Bad time of year

Like you it is a bad time of the year for me. This is my first post. I evidently suffer from severe depression and my care has been very fractured or nonexistent. I have an anniversary of the death of my son next week. I have cancelled my appointment with my psychiatrist. I think she knew I wouldn't make it. My clinical manager hasn't been in contact with me for three weeks and I feel that it's almost of no use continuing with her though she started out better than most. I find it difficult to talk about things and have virtually isolated myself. I've had trips to hospital around anniversaries but nothing is getting better. I see people who do manage. I guess I've had too much happen to me that I guess that's why I don't talk and can't make any changes.

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