Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

No wonder you are very tired, @Dimity . 🫂

Yes, one step at a time is all you (we) can do.

I had a big meditation session yesterday on my motivations re the new office job. And I decided it was all about people pleasing, especially pleasing my psychologist. So now I'm in a dilemma. I really need to see her to talk it through. I think I'll put off the job for another week, and not start next Monday, in order to do so.

I realise in hindsight I should've looked deeper into my motivations before. But I didn't expect to feel so conflicted about the job.

Good luck today with whatever tasks (or resting) you decide to do.

It must be very uncomfortable having that unresolved dilemma @NatureLover. Have you made a list of pros and cons to discuss when you do eventually see your psychologist?

I'm still battling. Had a bad day. Lots went wrong including finding how grubby the place was after so-called home help.

I'm trying so hard to get things done - and nothing is going right.

Oh no, @Dimity ! Was it the male home help again?

Sorry you had a bad day. Hoping that today is better.

Yes, it is uncomfortable. I'm sleeping badly and my Excoriation Disorder is worse.

Yes, I've made a list of pros and cons. The cons of the new job far outweigh the pros. But I'd be letting a lot of people down if I pulled out.

Hoping I can put off starting on Monday till I've spoken to my psychologist next Friday.

@NatureLover no it's my continuing female helper. I'd trusted her and hadn't been checking up but she's let me down. I'll have to consider what to say or do.

Sorry hear things are difficult. Your depression and excoriation disorder should have been improving by now.

I'm still having trouble getting much done. A couple of tasks a day isn't enough and I'm still going backwards.

Oh no re your female home help. What a dilemma 😣

At least you're able to do those couple of tasks a day. I guess you feel it's hard to rest while there's the backlog of tasks.

My depression is actually not too bad, thankfully - although this gloomy, rainy weather is really challenging it. More wet weather to come.

Today I might try to go to the library and catch up on some work. I think if I stay home for the weekend with nothing but chores to do I might get depressed. I went out at dawn this morning but got a bit wet.

I'm not sure how you're getting your late afternoon walks in with this wet weather.

@Dimity

I don't think I rest @NatureLover . Maybe I get distracted and dissociate doing unproductive doomscrolling and feeding my current affairs obsession. I think I have psychological blocks and procrastinate re the backlog.

Today I dropped everything to attend to a family matter. It left me feeling tired and frustrated that my best efforts are never enough. And past efforts are disputed and denied.

I've done incidental walking to go places but haven't done my regular walk as much lately. And I've sometimes cut it back because of tiredness pain or bad weather. I think I do rely on it to self-regulate.

It's good you find the library a nice space to work in. At least it gets you out of the house..

Tomorrow I'll try to look at the backlog and start somewhere.

Sending you lots of tender hugs 🫂 @Dimity , @NatureLover 🥰

It sounds like you find it hard to rest, @Dimity .

Interesting that you use your walking to self-regulate. I see why it's so important.

I might try a different library to work in today, as my favourite libraries are closed on Sundays. Or I might stay home. I usually decide after breakfast.

Good luck tackling the backlog today.

@NatureLover yes I don't feel rested despite all my daily downtime. At night I find it very hard to unwind. Last night after a stressful day I was up until about 4 and did some cleaning between zoning out.

I've conscious of a lot of somatic stress, and I think I should move more. I need to get back on track with so many things, but especially walking and exercise.

Interesting that you have a good choice of libraries. The one I usually go to isn't the closest but it's easiest to get to.

So you decide how to spend the day after breakfast. I haven't been able to plan ahead (apart from appointments) for quite a while. And I can't focus on an activity for very long. For every hour of work I'd lose myself in subsequent distractions for more, before refocussing. It's why I'm backsliding. I blame my mh. I didn't get far with the backlog today.

I trust the boss at the new little job is okay with your missing the "first" day tomorrow. It's a tricky situation.

That's a shame you can't feel rested, @Dimity 😥

I can't imagine cleaning in the early hours of the morning!

I do plan ahead, but check in with myself after breakfast to see if I feel up to the day's tasks.

I didn't go out yesterday but stayed in bed all day, depressed about starting work at my new job today. I've decided to go in today and talk in person about my concerns. I'm hoping to delicately get out of the job. Yes, it's a tricky situation. 😣

I hope you can get back into your walking, to ease your stress.