Splitting

Omg my partner is doing the exact same thing and is trying to hide it from me, he outright lies to my face even though I have seen all the hard evidence of it. I just don't know what to do. Our relationship is so chaotic

I need help on this too, what can you do to stop the splitting?

@Naynay88 @Naynay88 so sorry i just saw this! Sorry im so unco on this im only new.

But i have been with my husband 7 years so i am an expert on BPD and splitting 🤣

What can i help with ?

Have you read stop walking on eggshells ?

Splitting is by far the hardest part for me . When they split into that other persona. And that other persona is .... brutal. Cruel. Mean. A liar.

Know this - and anyone who has BPD can either back me up or not whatever , but with my husband ? He genuinely is remorseful for his actions. The horrible hurtful ones. He cries everyday. Is suicical over the awful things he has done. This is what makes BPD hard. There are days where he is crying to me , whats wrong with me ? I dont want to do these things.. why do i do it ?

If you read stop walking on eggshells you will understand alot about what a storm it is to live inside their brains.

Do NOT take what they say personally. Literally nothing to do with you.

I am so thankful for your rely, it's helped me so very much. I have been with my partner for seven years and only just realised this week that this is what has been doing on and oh my god has it been so volatile and frightening and confusing and utterly crazy made me. I didn't know I was dealing with borderline so I didn't know how to react any other way then a normal human being would and this has just made him hate me and hate me and hate me. He hasn't even been to the doctor yet, but I don't need a doctors opinion I have 7 and a half years worth of first hand experience at this and the entire time I was searching the entire internet for answers to understand what the hell was going on because I know this just wasn't a normal relationship where you have issues and try to work them out only to be met with silence or aggression or out right denial plus the emotional and physical abuse it got to because I was just trying to get across to him that oh my ducking god what is going on and why are you doing this it is happening and I am not crazy. But he would just push me away and withdraw from it all complexity and loose dozens and dozens of jobs and houses and lisence and either love me to death one bit and so anything to get me back but then as time went on he would just withdraw and do nothing because he was just devaluing me in his mind. Plus I have seen all the lost relationships from the contial lies and the black and white thinking. The weigh gains from the excessive eating, the reckless behaviours. The longer the normal time it would take him to process emotions. The irritability and just down right angry. We had been fighting so much I'm wondering if he has split because he is starting to highly value a girl at the local coffee shop. He never ever talks about any of what has happened as soon as I mention anything I have noticed he just says it's all in my head and there is nothing wrong with him. He never responded to anything I was saying or trying to do he would just deny any of it was or is happening until I found borderline personality disorder on line and I went omg that is my entire life and I am in absolute crisis I am sooo hurt like hurt actual doesn't even cover it the amount of horrible things that he has done to me, that he cannot even say out of his mouth which is why our relationship has struggled so badly and why I moved all my stuff out because I just couldn't cope with it. He did however agree to go and see a doctor about it this Thursday which for this man is one thing he would never ever do. I have been trying to be supportive and give him affection and reassurance but he just reacts as if I am the devil and with so much anger and frustration and hatred towards me. I have never felt so scared or alone my entire life. Is this going to get any better or is this it for life? I have to love a man who hates my every move every day? Who can't talk out loud about any of the last seven years? I am at a loss. I feel suicidal to be honest, just like that seems the only escape this. I am heartbroken as this man use to love me so much and now he hates my every move.

I love those! I'm going to use those!

@Naynay88

A couple of things , you cannot be in harms way if it is physical abuse in anyway shape or form. If you are feeling suicidal then YOU need help , my heart is breaking for you. I am reminded of myself so much...

I realised , and i wish the penny had dropped for me sooner, that i needed to stop worrying about him. Stop dissecting BPD - yes reading stop walking on eggshells is a MUST. But it got to the point where i was an expert on him right ... but what about me ? I needed help. You need help my friend . And i say it with empathy compassion and DEEP understanding of exactly what you are going through.

I wish someone had said to .e what i will say to you:

Its wonderful you have discovered why he is behaving like this. Wonderful he is open to going to the doctor.

But YOU NEED help for you.

You are not crazy. You are not those unkind things he says to you. You are worth more than what you have been made to feel. You need to take your worth and value out of this persons hands.

Now another thing. Its great you love and support him ( boarderlines have an intense fear of abandoment ) but you can ditatch a bit with love. He isnt the person you love right now. If hes got it in his head he "hates " you ( trust me he doesn't he just hates himself) back the F off. Right off. Nothing you can say or do will help. He has already hurt you . Cheated whatever. You need to let him go.just for now just for a bit.

Now the good news. BPD cannot be cured. But they can get better. If you want to be with him , yes Your life will be a roller-coaster. Sorry but thats the truth. There will be many shitty days ahead. You need to dig down to your inner strength and work out if the juice is worth the squeeze.

If he harms you. And you feel like you want to end your life because of this person - not worth it. You are enough. You are NOT defined by the toxic things this person says or does.

But please please please let those harmful words roll off you. They are just so so not true. He hates himself. Trust me.