Splitting

Hi radiantwarmth!

We have been together a very long time. Spent alot if time in couples therapy. I love him very deeply. The real him. Unfortunately he has alcohol addiction and he medicates his BPD by drinking to numb his pain.

He cheated on me when he split 1 year ago. Done it again now. Splitting is no joke . Its brutal.

Get legal advice for sure

*just to arm yourself if it goes pear shaped. If you have a house and children as i do.

Splitting is extremely difficult to deal with. Stop walking on eggshells is such a good bible to learn back and forth when you have a BPD loved one.

That great mantra it says:

You didnt cause it

You cant control it

You cant cure it

Get off their back

Get out of their way

And Get in with your life.

Trying to have a life for yourself aside from your boarderline is key . But also hard when you love them so much

Hi Holiday, I hope you are feeling better, stronger today in your situation. Just thought you may just find some of my plan of action useful in your situation.

I did an online chat about separating at ba legal Aid Victoria's website where they sent me an email off brochures and useful information. I found that empowering when rewarding through the actual relevant family law. Then, there is Relationships Australia where I might see if my partner would like to try counselling, otherwise meditation and parenting obligations. Looks to be cheap if not free. The local provider is doing sessions online via videochat. Then I let my parents know about the situation and that things could go either way. Centrelink is coming you the party. I began a diary a few days ago to make notes of my partner's behaviour, for future references and if it helps legal matters in future. Finally, on Thursday I'll buy my partner a nice gift to let her know I care about her. Gifting is her primary "love language". Do you know the book, 5 Love Languages?

Hope you don't mind the long message but maybe there is something useful there for you.

Thanku radiant!

That all sounds aweosme , im so happy for you if that has helped you🤗

I have been on a rollercoaster past few days... his splitting is vile at the moment.

Ive decided to block him . I can't take the abuse anymore...

I did manage to save our home for the children and I. So that's a victory. Finally went to unconditional sale to me.

I think you sound really kind to persist with gifting and thinking of your loved one.

That's a testament to your character.

Because loving someone that has BPD can be challenging.

I have to keep reminding myself that the awful things he says has nothing to do with me .. hard to do when he goes out of his way to be so mean.

Hi Holiday,

How is your situation at the moment? I hope life is less of a rollercoaster for you now and more stable? Blocking sounds like a wise thing to do! I have blocked my ex and her parents as well.

I wonder if my ex has Borderline Personality Disorder rather than Bipolar. However, for me it doesn't matter anymore as the relationship is well and truly over. Now it's all about our 16 month old son.

Ashley

Hi!! Nice to hear from you!

Im doing great. Hes settled down out of splitting cycle ( this always eventually happens) so his remorse is his obsession now. He wants to go back in time and undo all the bad he has done.

Very sad. But we cant. And hes a bad alcoholic so he treats his pain that way.

But ! Im happy im good. With the house and my 3 children. Thanku for checking on me. I can always have hope he'll get help one day but im not pegging my hopes and dreams on it anymore. I cant forgive alot he has done.

So, im very sorry to hear things have taken a turn for you. Thats so incredibly hard. I completely understand. And it seems very full on to have to block but if it helps you ? Do it. I absolutely still have his parents blocked. They were not helping my children or i at all and making the daily even harder.

Have you gone thru the "checklist" of BPD ? Is your ex open to any help? Its sooo hard. You have to wait til they are receptive to hearing anything about them. If its negative they dont take it well. But it's frustrating because their negative behaviour can be so destructive that you just try and help...