Numb again

It is a difficult question @Pollyotter but I personally would much rather have the physical pain if I had to choose. The mental anguish lasts for days and that is when I spiral down into SI and unhelpful thoughts.

My back is an old injury as well as issues with my lower spine - degeneration, arthritis, scoliosis and general wear and tear. It doesn't take much for it to be sore. I also have an old neck injury so when they both flare up at the same time the pain is intense.

I also have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) so everything from my neck to back is often in pain in some way or another @Pollyotter - I am used to it for the most part - just when it is so intense that it becomes debilitating. CPTSD is worse though - those feelings are so much worse for me - I guess it is because it takes over all of your body and there is no control - you just have to wait for it to pass.

Suicidal Ideation @Pollyotter

awww @Pollyotter That is super sweet Just among many here - including yourself - that are stronger than we even believe. We have all gone through so much but we are still here - we are al brave, we are all courageous and we are all that we need to be. I think we often look ahead and cannot see how life will ever change but those changes do not have to be big - every tiny little step we take forward is one that we do not take back and in that way we begin to ever so slowly move on with life ...it may not be easy and it may not feel like we are but step by step we are putting our past behind us where it belongs. We cannot change our past but we damn sure cannot let it beat us either.

@Pollyotter I am starting to fade now Hon so will need to log off and wind down a little more so I can get some sleep. I hope you can sleep too. I will try to check in with you tomorrow sometime. Hugs to you and Wormy