Numb again

Anger can consume you @Lee82 We can all ask those what if questions and wish that our lives had been different but putting our energy into even thinking about those that hurt us continues to give them that power over you. The one thing that has been so instrumental in me being able to improve is that I realised tht placing my energy into hating those people was only hurting me. They don't care, they wouldn't even know, how incredibly hard life has been, how much their actions have affected me nor how debilitating thoughts of them and their actions have been. Much like you - they have lives, families and have moved onto other things. I could only hope their time of so much pain comes but to be honest I don't think like that now. Recognising that we are now the ones hurting ourselves by not giving these people anymore thought has helped me to improve substantially. Those triggers, flashbacks and nightmares do not go away completely - and yes there are still times I want the past to have been different - but then again everything I have been through has also brought me to this point in my life and that is a place I can say I have fought for and am proud of.

Yea they definitely still have that power over me. I saw one of them recently at the shops and totally lost it. I couldn't breathe I couldn't move I was petrified. It affected me for the rest of the day and night. I was triggered for the rest of the day and well into the next. Even thinking about it now makes me start to freak out so I think I will have to change the subject. sorry @Zoe7 can't do this

what you up to tonight? What did you have for dinner? We had chicken and veg soup was really nice actually.

I am watching tv - there is a show about to come on that I have become hooked on so will watch that then head to bed. I will record it too just in case I don't make it through the show @Lee82

I hand sanded the last bit of my side table and gave it a first coat of stain - so will hopefully get another coat on before I go to bed.

I had a late lunch - and ate too much - so nothing tonight. The last thing I needed was a stomach ache on top of the back pain and if I had eaten anything else then that was quite likely - already had some pain. I have IBS and often if I eat too much it becomes severe. Chicken and veggie soup sounds amazing - I love soup in winter - real comfort food.

What is the show called? @Zoe7

I am currently watching transformers. I totally understand about IBS. Mum has suffered with it my whole life so know all the triggers and food she can and can't eat. I think she has had around 4 major bowel surgeries because of it. Spent a lot of my childhood in hospitals with her.
One thing I like about staying her at mums is her cooking...she is an amazing cook. She actually taught my son how to make mozzarella today.

The show is The Secrets She Keeps but not watching it anymore - it took an unexpected turn and I need to not watch anymore. Shielding myself from any further triggers @Lee82 Going to head off Hon - need some self-care right now. You have support on another thread so I know you are not alone. If I calm down enough, and am not already asleep, I will pop back on to see how you are travelling - if not keep yourself safe

No worries sweets. I'm so sorry to hear that hun

Thank you for everything. @Zoe7 I will still be around for a while so please pop in even it's just a check in. Take care of you. ❣️

@Pollyotter I really hope you are ok. Just letting you know that I am thinking of you

Hi @Zoe7 how are you doing today?

Ho @Pollyotter havent heard from you in a couple days. Just a little worried. If you are able to would you be able to check in even it is a support. 🌻

@Lee82

@Zoe7

Hey Guys

i am sorry for the late response and lack of response

I had a replase and was put into deep sleep untill my system calmed down. Alot of detail that I can not share here but with everything you know i am sure you can fill in the blanks.

I hope you are doing good.

I am so sorry to hear that @Pollyotter but glad you are safe. Thank you for checking in with us. Be kind to you 🧡