Numb again

Hi @Pollyotter ... how was your work day? Do you have any plans for the weekend, now that some places are starting to reopen their doors?

Not sure why you didnt get my tag from yesterday post to my thread. I checked and I did tag you. Not to worry, I just did another post following on from yesterdays, and tagged you again. Hope this one works, but in case it doesnt, I will give you the link to my personal (my story) thread. Please keep in mind that this thread could be triggering for you, given your history. There is no obligation to read.

Anyway the link to my thread is https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/Living-with-PTSD-Potentially-Triggering-Material/td-p/114515 This takes you to my introductory post all the way back in Sept 2016. Although the opening post says its from Former-Member, that former member is actually me. I closed my membership earlier this year, but came back with the same member name. It makes it hard for anyone to track me down ... perhaps a good thing? Just go to the final few pages to see my recent posts from yesterdayand today of course. 😉

Anyway, let me know if you got my tag. Again ... no obligation to read or respond. I very much understand if you dont.

Sherry 💖

Still working @Pollyotter ? You work very late and a long day. Hope its been uneventful.

My day ... very emotional.

Sherry 💖

@Former-Member

I am sorry it was emotional. If you want to talk about it I am here .

My day is abit problematic but it's ok

Hey all.

So my day was rather interesting.

One of my triggers is the spray for men called Brut.

One of my rapists reeked of it and every time I would get a smell of it I would have a string of panic attacks and I would not sleep for 4 or 5 days.

in my lack of sleep, I came to a decision to put a stop to this.

I do not want a simple thing like body spray to take control of my everyday life.

What would I do if I met a customer and he smelt of it?. potentially lose the customer is not an option for me.

So what I did today is a bought a can of the spray and it was in my laptop bag for the day. I took it out and put it back in a few times. It was freaky as heck and I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I am home now and it's here on the bed and I see it out the corner of my eye. When the can becomes less scary I will open it and smell it. Let's see how I can change my triggers so I can have more of a normal life. Don't get me wrong I am not under the impression that I will be without triggers or PTSD for the rest of my life. I do think that I can try to manage how badly I get triggered so I. can get back a small part of my normal life.

I hope you guys are all ok

Sounds like self administered Exposure Therapy for trauma @Pollyotter . ✔👍🌸

Good for you in making attempts to limit the imprint those monsters left on you, and to take back some control.

Cigarette smoke does the same for me. My rapist smelled of cigarette smoke, and its a very real trigger which causes a very intense reaction in me. Thank god, few people smoke these days.

I think that no matter how much trauma therapy we have, there will always be triggers and subsequent PTSD reactions. More so when we are in a vulnerable state for whatever reason.

Suggest you take things slowly with the Brut Polly. Maybe dont open it at night time, wait until the light of day when any reactions will hopefully be less intense and more easily rectified. We can all live a normal life with PTSD, but I think we will always be vulnerable to triggers.

Yes, thank you ... I am okay. Will be heading to bed soon. How about you?

Sherry 💕💤

@Former-Member

Hey Sherry.

I am sorry for my late response. I was taking some time with the brut today . It is fascinating how something with no life and no meaning can have such a huge effect on you. How are you doing after the burning of the shirt .

You are amazing @Pollyotter

what you ste doing with the can is very couragous and i hooe that it wieks foe yiu babe.

I am so soeey i havent been aroind the thread foe a couoke days its been hell on my end.

@Lee82

Lee Talk to me hun. What's going on