World caves in

Nudity is part of life ... but I respect censoring as I have had kids ... and believe they see too much for their own good.

I have had a lot of jobs ... one was at Prahran Tech as a life model .. when at uni ... they were into tortion and liked that I could hold poses for a long time .. and also liked to see the strain on my face ... bloody art students, lol

I like Billy Connolly too .. saw him playing guitar in Melbourne 30 years ago ... also can relate to the motorcycle thing ... but no more riding or skinny dipping for me ... will fall off and scar everyone for life.

You are right @utopia

I was trying to be funny ... a partner is not about just filling a need of loneliness ... she would be a whole separate person with full range of traits and and needs etc ....people connect best if it is through constructive interests. Both are vulnerable .. but if both can enjoy life together .. doing mutually pleasureable things ... that are not just about sex ... then there is a chance things can work out.

I am so glad other people have come in on this thread - I have felt drawn to @Redraw in a way I can't explain - except perhaps that the fine quality of his writing opens a world I found when I was studying English Literature and found the deeper meaning in the way people write

So - and for @Redraw as well - I would like to thank @utopia@Appleblossom@Faith-and-Hope@NikNik -

The world is not a place where everyone is a person not to trust in case they may make things worse - but rather a place to learn discrimination about relationships

It is terribly sad to me that a young man of 20 was kicked in the guts by a woman - or girl - who proved not worthy of his love - and now in his mature years is still so damaged he can't trust again

Can anyone of us say we have not been hurt by the ending of a relationshipl? I can't - yet I am the one who ended both of mine - and it has hurt - we are not perfect - and I think the search for perfection is futile

After all - perfection is such a limited concept - it can never be improved upon -

Decadian

I think you are looking on me with eyes that only see the negative in what I write you don't see that most of my writing is an expression of limited aspect, it is showing the depths of a hurt soul, but not all that soul because it's not all I am, I don't talk to people only in the negative I rarely speak in the negative at all I can talk on most anything with anyone to one degree or another.

You also are missing several elements from my desire for a relationship, I see a world where the pursuit of sex has overthrown the pursuit of love and that saddens me, as for that person 20 years ago, it was that person twenty years ago and a year ago, thought perhaps she had matured and become a better person but I was seriously wrong and that angered and hurt me which is not an easy thing to do.

as for other goals/pursuits there are some but they I have experienced before to some degree or another so they lack the freshness the feelings of something I have never known such as a real relationship, do I think that would cure me..................no, but do I think it might help in some aspects .............of course, I am not the negative, horror you may see here you are only seeing things that I need to get out of my head, things that I don't speak of to anyone.

trust is an interesting thing but you say I don't trust, perhaps I have said such things, but it's not really that, we trust in people every day without thought, but when it comes to our hearts it can be a little longer of a journey to full trust, but this does not just apply to me this applies to many many many people I have no doubt.

see the thing is you see me in here and you develop a picture of me which would be interesting to know what they look like, but I am so much more, I have taken people from the brink of morbid actions and given them back strength and confidence, I have saved lives, I have drawn pictures for people just to make them smile, I have give my last dollar to strangers for things they need. I am a lot of things I just wish I could find others that share my beliefs, views and ideals

Utopia I must say one thing you wrote particularly intrigued me, that you wouldn't want to find your ideal man now, firstly I would like to think that a soulmate could come by at anytime, but mostly it's the 'ideal' that intrigues me, what makes a person ideal? And were they really ideal wouldn't they accept you good or bad, happy or sad, I don't know not my area of expertise

@Redraw I didnt mean to be too flippant. I learned a lot as a life model. A friend got me the job. I come from a world where it was mostly friends who got me jobs. Friends did not "play" or even go to the pub they worked and passed on good news of any openings down the line.

I would walk around at the end of a session as most of the artists would show me their work. Just did it for 2 terms then they liked to get a new body.

I was very self conscious but also filled with belief that I had to be courageous and meet my fears head on. So it was good that during a 30 minute pose I would forget that I was the only one nude in a room full of strangers.

I picked up that you have a huge social conscience. That is what is so crazy in this world. The predatory types are often lauded as the successful ones. I would like to see that changed.

One effect of dialogues can be getting caught up in the "I thou" duality. One of the healing things for me in this forum has been I have very easily been able to feel the "we".

Take care all

See an interesting thing here we are virtual does that make us real, are we seeing the real person or just an element a part or what they want us to see, how we tend to portray ourselves here can be vastly different from how we present ourselves in real life, so being hidden as I am I can show that which I only show through annonimity. While outside the virtual I am just nice to talk to give perspective or more often than not just listen, i tend to be pretty quiet, sometimes drawing though that has been limited by lack of inspiration, and motivation.

if we were to pass each other on the street you wouldn't recognise me as the part that is seen here and I do find that a little unsettling to a degree

I am sorry utopia if I have upset you in some way, that was never my intention, I feel the same way about me, oh I know I have good qualities but do I have what counts is the constant question.

its all about fear we all have a lot of that and it sucks cause sometimes the best people suffer the most, which in turn keeps them hidden away, or perhaps just unseen.

anything you want to talk about is fine by me perhaps I can be of some assistance