World caves in

Hi @Redraw

That sounds like a really scary head space to be in, what do you do when you feel yourself in this space? do you have something that works?

Or do you call lifeline? (13 11 14) or email them? a lot of members have said here that they have been very helpful when they have been in a dark space but of course everyone is dif and you need to do what works for you

or mens helpline? 1300 78 99 78

Nothing really works basically I have to endure and hope to break on through, lifeline and such things have there place and I am sure they are very helpful for people, not sure they would be helpful for me it's like many things to me, it's detached, everything is detached, families are detached, sex is detached, friends are detached, life is a series of detachments and the conflict this creates within my head makes for hopelessness as I don't fit this mould that appears as the norm so I fade from thought as I fade from vision. So I guess I will need my mind broken, fried, labotamised or whatever some day soon just so I can exist in this world. Things like lifeline probably wouldn't be able to help me much as it would likely focus on singular elements within your life that can become a focus, something you have or someone, kids, partner, job, skill, talent, health, future, I don't have anything like that. Just a single quicksilver tear

Hi @Redraw

We've just had the changing of the guard and Frog in back in the pond 🙂

I'm sorry to read that you are in a crappy headspace this weekend. It's really hard to find any light at the moment.

I've said before that I find your writing moving and inspiring, albeit dark sometimes. We need the dark to be spoken about too....it's part of our human existance. If you left the planet, we would not hear your voice of truth about mental illness and how it can strip you back to your core. It's an important voice to help us all find compassion, understanding and realistic treatments.

You talk about detachment and this has got me curious. In another context detachment can be a healthy path. I'm talking about Buddist philosopy and meditation, where the purpose is to observe all pain, physical and emotional, with detachment or non-attachment. When we can observe all situations, emotions, and human behaviour without being hooked in, without judging it as good or bad, we are free. In the stillness of meditation, there is a place between thought and who we identify as: a man/woman; a worker; a person with a partner or not; a person who is "successful" or not and so on. In that place there is no pain because we don't identify with it.

This may be something you choose to look more into. It takes some time and effort to establish a meditation practice but many people gain at least more of a sense of calm quite quickly. It can be helpful to find a good teacher (the Buddist monks are great and run free classes), or you can find someone (eg Dalai Lama) on youtube to teach you the main concepts.

Hope this is helpful for you, as it has been for me.

Best wishes,

Frog

Meditations and even a little self hypnosis I can do and do daily, it can help but I feel that people don't understand how deep this runs, how alone alone can be, I could be wrong, but of course I don't belong.

as for Buddhism and detachment it is a different kind of detachment, the detachment I am suggesting is that detachment implied is detachment from everyone it's all about greed and self gratification, people turn away from others, even treat their own children like they are an imposition to there lifestyle.

i have tried many many things, but when you look around and it's all cold and empty, no respite, no shoulder to cry on, no one that gives a shit, I can give all that I have and would do for almost anyone, but no one even likes me and that hurts, physical pain is nothing compared to this emptiness where there is nothing and no one

Ok.

What does someone giving a shit look like?

Someone who gives a shit (cares) well there is the self explanatory angle, I of course am not referencing people who don't know me, That would be wrong, but there is areas, when people use you as a convieniece, or to get what they can before tossing you into a gutter, to take with no thought, to not care whether a person is ok or not, to be in hospital and see no one, to never have visitors, to be ignored, people who actually care about you, people who are your friends, your loves, people who think about you and not in a whats in it for me angle.

A hypothetical would be you were injured is there someone that would help? would take you to hospital? would visit you in hospital?

So is that your situation? No-one would be there to take you to hospital or visit you? From earlier posts, it sounds like you live alone, and you are describing a vast sense of lonliness right now.

All human relationships have an element of give and take in that people want something out of the relationship. It can still be a worthwhile relationship. Unconditional love is pretty rare in my experience....maybe only from our dog? At the same time, genuine kindness can come from unexpected places.

Was there a time in your life when you were not so lonely? What was different then?

You have connected to people here who do care about you. It is an anonymous relationship of course, but because of that people here on the forum can be very honest about their stuff and be accepted "warts and all".

I wonder if you can work on accepting yourself deeply, maybe focussing on that when you do your meditation / self hypnosis?

Frog

No not that no one would take me to hospital were it needed, of course that is true but not really important the fact that no one shows any affection for me in any way is what hurts, My parents and siblings I am on OK terms with, but there is distances involved but that is different anyway.

as for whether I have ever known different well In my years I have been able to delude myself till the lies spoken became to much, I have no problem with give and take but the problem comes when it's all I give they take, friends go away, until they want something, women go off with someone else oh they will keep taking until I can't take the pain any more and I find out how little I meant, not that this has happened to often as women I don't know don't see anything worthwhile in me. 36 years of being overlooked, betrayed, pushed aside, thrown into the gutter. I don't ask much of anyone but sadly it's always to much.

Is it wrong to want to be held sometimes, is it wrong to wish to know love, is it wrong to want to wake next to someone who cares about you, sex is a thing that to me is overrated and unimportant if my heart is not involved, is that wrong, is it wrong to want to laugh, is it wrong to want to walk along the beach with someone. is it wrong to want friends who aren't just friends while it's convenient to them

Hi @Redraw,

It's not wrong to want any of those things, those are very human wants & needs.

I guess the thing is, if for whatever reason you can't access those things right now, how do you still find a place of acceptance within you? Still take actions toward bringing those things into your life whilst improving your mental health, your connections.

It's not easy. I really feel your pain. Just encourage you to observe the negative, destructive thoughts that make you feel bad and try not to let them take over everything.

I'm about to go offline soon. Hope you can get some good sleep tonight 🙂

Cheers,

Frog