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Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor29 Mar 2020, 11:04 pm AEDT

Scared and alone

I can't seem to shake the anxiety I have had all day today. I feel like I am 1 step away from going crazy. I have been trying to ignore it all day and it's exhausting. I feel sick and irritable. I am so tired of feeling this way. I have had enough of it all. Why is it that we have to suffer in silence and deal with all this sh** every single day and the people who made us this way are living a wonderful happy carefree life? Why do I have to accept that this is just the way it will be from now on? I don't want to accept it. I don't want to have to deal with living with PTSD and depression and anxiety and everything else that comes with it.

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In response to: Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 5:27 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

That's what I find hard @outlander trying to stay focused in the here and now. I am always thinking of what's to come because in the past it use to prepare me for what situation I am going to be in e.g. if I'm going to a party or out for dinner I prepare myself mentally through out the day to make sure I don't have a panic attack when I'm out and also spend that time convincing myself everything will be ok. Having said that it has always been a very tiring and exhausting process.
I will definitely try and put some things in place for night time. You have some great ideas. Thank you @outlander. You have been a great help and inspiration for me ☺️

In response to: Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 5:52 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

How's your study going? What are you studying?

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

oceangirlSenior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:05 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

Hi @Lee82

Just checking in to see how you're going?

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

outlanderSenior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:05 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

it is really hard to focus on the here and now @Lee82 and its taken me a long time to be able to focus abit more, im not perfect at it now and I still fall back into those habits but it takes practice.
I use to obsess about not panicing when I went out that i would often have panic attacks so after talking to members here they also helped me to realise its ok to be anxious but theres things i can do to help ease some it.
if i was to go out to dinner there was many things that would make me anxious so i would go through those things to try and minimise it-one thing was always money and worrying if i accidently didn't bring enough so now i over estimate or i wont spend any money (unless essential like bills petrol etc) until that event had passed then would use the rest as play money. and i always knew that restaurants had bathrooms, so if i got really anxious i could excuse myself and go and regroup for a minute or 2.

i have chronic insomnia so my sleep isn't very good on a regular basis but i still like to put things in place like a shower, and do something relaxing so at least if i cant sleep im not worked up.
it really is what works for you and a lot of it is trial and error so if one things doesn't work or you don't notice a difference in the first night that's ok, don't give up give it another go and if you need add in some extra things 🙂

i am currently studying 'understanding dementia' i have another addition to this course that starts in may. im hoping that by the middle of the yr i might be able to do the healthcare course i originally wanted to do. ive done 3 hours today so i think that's enough, im starting to tire so im making more mistakes in my spelling etc so ive put it aside for now and will work on it more tomorrow.
i just watched Paddington and will prob watch part 2 later on.

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:12 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

Hi @oceangirl thank you for checking in. I'm doing ok. I have had a busy day today trying to take my mind off things however still feeling anxious and getting more anxious as the time goes by leading up to the night. Just trying to stay present as @outlander has suggested I try.
how are you going?

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

outlanderSenior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:15 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

hey @oceangirl @Butterfly13 hope your both going ok?

@Lee82 i wonder if @Sans911 could suggest some ways to stay present as well, shes helped me heaps in trying to stay in the here and now

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:31 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

Yes my mind always wonders off to bad and negative thoughts and before I realise it's been like 10 minutes and I have started feeling anxious and I've been clenching my teeth and my heart is beating fast and I'm feeling hot and sweaty. My job is being affected by it more and more each day. I lose concentration all of the time. I forget what I was doing, I make mistakes all of the time. I have to ask the customers time after time to repeat themselves. Some days I don't even remember how I got to work.
i go through the same thing when I go out for dinner too, but even eating infront of people made me anxious so if I did end up going out most of the time I would order something simple like maybe just a bowl of chips. Choosing something to wear was also a highly stressful thing for me actually self image was always very stressful for me. Even where I would sit and if it was going to be close enough to an exit for a quick get away.
I will definitely try having a hot shower and maybe listening to nice soothing music tonight and see how I go. Atm I sleep on my couch as the bedroom is a very anxious place for me to be in due to past trauma. This is something I really need to try and work on but not sure how to tackle transitioning back to sleeping in my room.

your course sounds interesting. Study is something I would love to maybe look at getting back to at some stage.

what did you think of Paddington? I have kids so of course I have seen pretty much all the kid flicks.

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

outlanderSenior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:38 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

@Lee82

the one im currently studying is actually free and is all online. ill attach the link here for you.

https://www.utas.edu.au/wicking/understanding-dementia

umm honestly found paddington abit boring, i thought it mightve been better but not really, just turned into something more in the background instead. i love kid flicks, im abit like a big kid plus i have 2 younger siblings 😏

anxiety can really take over our lives that for sure, sorry ive if asked but do you have a good gp, psychologist and/or psychiatrist?

if not i would reccomend chatting to them. I know theres a few people who have trouble sleeping in their bedroom but got some helps and very very slowly transitioned back to the bedroom

can i ask if youve been diagnosied with anything? what your describing sounds much like what happens to me when i dissociate- sometimes i 'snap out of my zone' and here i am washing the dishes or im feeding my horses without even realising how i go there. has anyone mentioned dissociation to you before?

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

oceangirlSenior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:39 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

Hi @Lee82

Your welcome. Glad you had a busy day and sorry you're starting to feel more anxious (leading up to night). Some mindfulness activties might be helpful- we did sorting activity for CBT- we did it with a soup mix and sorted out the different ingredients, coloring in, exercise,diamond painting, watch a movie etc.

Some practical suggestions to look after yourself- to make up your own coping box. Remind yourself you're safe, focus on your breathing, carry an object that reminds you of the present (coping box), comfort yourself, keep a diary and grounding techniques.

I hope you have a better night..

In response to: Re: Scared and alone

Lee82Senior Contributor30 Mar 2020, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Scared and alone

Thanks for the link @outlander i will check it out.

yea Paddington wasn't great and if you didn't think much of 1 then don't watch 2. It's worse.

i do have a great psychologist and psychiatrist however as I am a single mum finding the funds to go and see them poses a challenge and I don't get to go as often as I should.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, clinical depression and anxiety. I am on an anti depressant however I don't think they are working. I have been through a few and now my psychiatrist just keeps putting this dose up however I haven't seen him since oct last year. I am also on sleeping tablets but they have recently not been working anymore. I also was on medication for anxiety but as I would take too many at a time I am no longer able to get the prescription.

my psychologist has mentioned disassociation to me but I haven't been diagnosed per day with it.

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