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I can't seem to shake the anxiety I have had all day today. I feel like I am 1 step away from going crazy. I have been trying to ignore it all day and it's exhausting. I feel sick and irritable. I am so tired of feeling this way. I have had enough of it all. Why is it that we have to suffer in silence and deal with all this sh** every single day and the people who made us this way are living a wonderful happy carefree life? Why do I have to accept that this is just the way it will be from now on? I don't want to accept it. I don't want to have to deal with living with PTSD and depression and anxiety and everything else that comes with it.
I hid my mental state, my past, my self harming and everything I was thinking and feeling from all that I knew. Family friends and my husband had no idea for a very long time. I was scared that if I said anything firstly I wouldn't be believed secondly that I would hurt the ones I love and lastly in fear that I would lose the people in my life that I cared about. But eventually I couldn't hide anymore and I was forced to tell family and friends some of the things I have been going through and the things I was so afraid of happening did eventually happened. Some didn't believe me. I hurt a lot of people by telling and I lost a lot of people in my life including my husband. Now I feel more alone than ever before. I still a couple family members in my life a very little friends but I can't lean on them because I don't want history to repeat itself. Feeling alone is horrible and the thoughts in my head make it that much harder to deal with things. The feeling of defeat looms over me all the time.
In response to: Scared and alone
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
hey @Lee82 and welcome please feel free to have a look around and join in wherever you like also a forum tip is to put an @ before a members name and thatll tag them so they'll receive a notification
it sounds really quite tough for you atm and I can relate having ptsd, depression and anxiety amongst other things. I also self harm, have very little friends and also very little family support so can understand hiding things and trying to cope on our own. can I ask if you have any professional supports at all?
@Sans911@Appleblossom@Snowie@CheerBear@Maggie@eth@frog@Teej maybe you guys could offer some suggestions
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
Lee82Senior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
Thank you @outlander for connecting. I see a psychologist and have a psychiatrist that I see from time to time. My heart is racing atm and I can feel every beat it is taking. I am on the verge of tears and I don't know what to do right now. I am trying so hard to stop myself having a full blown panic attack. I hate this so much. I hate it all. I hate myself and I hate the world.
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
Could you try some deep breathing exercises @Lee82 to help control your breathing and heart rate? Lots of slow deep breaths......
Distraction i find also like having a shower or putting some music on and singing either outloud or in your head so your not thinking about how anxious you feel
In response to: Scared and alone
Lee82Senior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
I'm sorry I probably shouldn't be on here right now with the way I'm feeling, saying the things I'm saying maybe I should leave the forum for now.
In response to: Scared and alone
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
Can you do some deep breathing? You dont need to go anywhere. Just sit and breathe for 3 minutes. Count 1, 2, 3 in, hold 123 release for 123 and see if that helps? Maybe give it ago before coming back so you can focus? Would talking to lifeline be any help? @Lee82 Please find a way to distract yourself from self harming, does anything normally help.
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
Lee82Senior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
I feel really really sick. I have never been able to prevent it just postpone it. I have distracted myself in the past until the urge becomes to great and I end up caving. I don't think I can actually speak atm
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
Could you ring a helpline? @Lee82 I understand being so anxious and overwhelmed it makes you sick Could you force yourself to make a cup of tea to give yourself a job to do? Resisting sh when it feels like a craving is very hard, sometimes the more we resist the stronger it gets but try to ride it out, it will pass. Just try to do something else-shower, make a tea, put music on or a fave tv show...
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
Lee82Senior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
To be honest I'm afraid to call lifeline.
In response to: Re: Scared and alone
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Scared and alone
Thats ok, what do you think would help? What normally helps @Lee82
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