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Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Unknown userMember02 Mar 2020, 7:33 pm AEDT

Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Hi everyone on the forums. *Admins/mods, feel free to move this to an appropriate thread if this one isn't the right place.*

I'm really down right now, in a dark place. I want to hurt myself, I'm feeling suicidal. I've never attempted or done anything in my life but I want to.

As I mentioned in one of my posts, I don't see my Psychiatrist again until March 30. Then the new GP on March 13, but I want to see my Psychiatrist more because I feel more comfortable with him.

I also mentioned in another post that the local mental health triage (yes thats what they called themselves) refuse to help me and support me, they just admit people so they won't help or tell me people/places that can. I give up.

I can't get a job, I can't afford to study and the free courses at TAFE & Uni you had to a course already & have qualifications which I don't. I can't meet people. I went to a Headspace Centre & that was bad for me, sometime last year (for a group & Psychologist).

I don't see Psychologists anymore because of bad experiences. I see my Psychiatrist on Skype because he's in Sydney & I'm in Victoria (regional sort of).

I don't know what to do, I just give up. I don't want to be here anymore and I can't stop these thoughts, it's so hard for me not to try and do something and fight the thoughts. I only have my parents but it's so hard.

I'm sorry for coming on here and venting, I know everyone has their own things to deal with. I don't want to call 000 at the moment, I'd have to discuss with my parents anyway but they know everything I go through.

I don't know if these meds are working at all or if i should up the dosage like my Psychiatrist said shortly.

I just want to hurt myself and don't want to be here. I'm so stressed and just ready for a break down. On my walk today with my dog I had a panic attack because of everything and just seeing a few people and cars drive by which gets a bit much for me as silly as that sounds, I know. And I just feel like I'm ready for a breakdown.

Yes I've spoken to Kids Helpline, eHeadspace, Beyond Blue, SANE web chat etc. I might try them now too if I can get through, I don't know.

@CheerBear @outlander @Darcy @NNY @greenpea @eth @Valentine @Hamsolo01 @TheVorticon @Shaz51 @Snowie @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @WriterMelb @TAB @BlueBay @Adge @Scoo @Scribbles @Meowmy @Maggie @Ant7 @Appleblossom (just tagging everyone I've talked to or who has supported my posts again, sorry. Hope none of you mind again).

178 replies

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In response to: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Sans911Senior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 5:51 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Scarecrowe is spot on in his post @Former-Member

People will either come to your thread or not. Much like social media, they can choose to read or not. It's your choice where to post but obviously being mindful whether it's a social thread or one for more serious posts.

And like @Snowie has said, you need to just keep being you. Many members here are trying to support you, encourage and guide you. The only issue I see is that I'm not sure if you've taken our advice. Like checking out the coping threads or other things. And I'm still trying to work out whether you need a place to vent and get things off your mind, or whether you want help and guidance.

It's difficult to see you being in a perpetual state of crisis. By that I mean that I don't want you to stop posting what's happening for you, nor do I want you to apologise. I know only well what bouncing from crisis to crisis is like and being continually depressed and suicidal. It's like being in he'll. So I just want to help. But if you don't want that, I respect your rights to determine what you want.

And there are times when we are so low with depression & suicidal thoughts it's impossible to support others. And that's OK for now. When things are better you can be that person. I've been on these forums a couple of years, and there are times when I need support more than I can give.

Please don't leave these forums. I understand you seem to being having a really hard time trying to find where you belong. That takes time. You're not a difficult or bad person at all. I just think you need to wait a little longer, continue being yourself, because there has been some lovely posts from you, and perhaps try to not be so 'reactive'. Give some thought and time before responding to a post if that helps.

I've said it before, but I'll just remind you again, that I'm OK to support you @Former-Member. If you don't want that just let me know. I won't be offended or upset. I know I connect OK with some members better than others.

Take care of yourself 💕 💕 💕

In response to: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2020, 8:39 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

@TheVorticon @Sans911 @Scarecrowe @Snowie and others who replied.

I'm feeling really bad and guilty now. I guess I wasn't thinking straight and just not in a good mindset. I have been looking at the threads people suggested such as coping threads, other mental health websites, etc. I've also been doing stuff like walking daily as I do and not just online all the time although it seems like it. I'm happy to talk to anyone but if anyone needs space then that's fine too, I understand.

I guess I'm still young and foolish, plus as one of the mods said ( @Former-Member I think?) in the email, they can delete the thread if I want to (yeah I'll get this whole thread deleted, it's fine), and I'm still learning my way around the forums. I haven't checked out the whole forum place in general yet so I'm still learning.

I suppose I was just used to the way Beyond Blue worked because I've been on that the longest, although you can't tag anyone there, what I mean is that you can just post something sad like you're suicidal (most posts don't have trigger warnings and some aren't approved) and that people will help, tell you to use a crisis service but also give you suggestions. It's hard to explain what I mean but what I'm trying to say is I thought that these forums were sort of similar but I guess they work differently but similar rules. So my apologies for that too.

I'm willing to talk to anyone on any thread. But I've thought of something. How about I just come on here to support you all as much as I can (everyone tagged, and other forum members) or just check out the social zone stuff? I've just been looking at threads on Beyond Blue and Reach Out, haven't replied.

I'll look around these forums more and check out the rules so I have a better understanding. Again I'm so sorry I'm feeling really bad and I didn't mean to do anything wrong or upset anyone or anything.

Next time I'm feeling down I'll just talk to Lifeline or something on their web chats or if I can't get through on any of them well I don't know. I'm sorry all.

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

outlanderSenior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 8:51 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

sorry your having such a hard time @Former-Member

The forums work both ways really where we all just support each other as well as asking for support ourselves. sometimes we need more support then what we can give to others and that's perfectly fine. I don't think you need to stop asking for support here but that's up to you.
We're all in this together xo

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2020, 8:57 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Thanks @outlander but I just feel horrible like I just made people feel worse. None of that was intentional. And I wasn't trying to say to anyone forget about their problems and just talk to me. It was all a misunderstanding on my behalf. I'll just keep overthinking it and feeling like I've hurt everybody. I really never meant to. And I can't stop apologising. Yes I understand I should've put trigger warnings, stopped to think and so forth so yeah, again I'm sorry everyone. I requested for the whole thread to be deleted so we'll wait and see, or locked or whatever mods do here, I don't know.

I'm still here for everyone as much as I can be. Next time I just won't post my problems, or I'll put trigger warnings if I do. I'll go to places like Lifeline on the web chat etc. if I'm feeling any way like I did with this whole thread. I'll just come here to chat to people about anything, good or bad, social zones, other people's issues (if anyone tags me or I might look through some and if I feel like replying then I will).

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Sans911Senior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 9:00 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

@Former-Member

If your post is in response to what I posted, you've no reason to feel guilty or bad. But these emotions and feelings are how you choose to react, and only you have control over that. I didn't intend or make you feel those things. Yes, you are young but I doubt you are foolish. Perhaps a little experienced in the ways of life? I don't know and I'm not here to judge you, or at least I try not to. Because you do enough of that to yourself. You are way too hard on yourself, and there are many things about you that are likeable.

Many people post things here without trigger warnings. I think it depends how in depth the topic is that you are posting about. And the moderators will soon remind you if there's something outside the guidelines. I've had several warnings.

If you need support that what these forums are for. And why should you expect less? You are just as important as anyone else. Pain is pain, and no one deserves to suffer alone. That's unfair and unreasonable.

You are still new to the forums, and I'm really pleased you've looked at some of the suggestions and ideas that members have posted.

Please don't delete this thread as I think it's important for you to have a voice her, and by deleting the thread you're invalidating those feelings. But at the end of the day that is your decision.

Give it some more time here. It is different to other forums, and the guidelines are there for everyone's safety. But it doesn't mean you need to hold your feelings back. Just consider how you express yourself and if you were talking to someone with a mental illness, how might they react or feel?

Again @Former-Member I urge to consider staying here. Get the support you need which I know myself and others are ok to give you. You deserve that support, and your feelings and thoughts matter. You will find a balance here eventually.

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

outlanderSenior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 9:06 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

its ok @Former-Member
no ones mad at you, I think perhaps just unsure what to say that might help or what might be helpful to suggest to you at times. theres been lots of good suggestions like checking out some of the coping threads or giving other suggestions like seeing about some new hobbies (as boredom can also make us think more and dwell on things as well) supports such as khl or headspace online (as they accept young members up to 25 as well)

if you feel more comfortable in creating another thread then that is ok too. Perhaps having a thread where you ask for support and then joining in with social threads would be helpful that way you still ask for support but you also have a look at some other threads and just chat too? It may help with your loneliness or isolated feelings to be active on a few threads with various members chatting.

Can I ask when your feeling distressed, what do you think might be helpful for us to say or do when you come online? does giving you a reminder of your coping strategies work or does helping you work through your thoughts help? these are just suggestions of course but in knowing what helpful when feeling distressed, we might be able to help you settle a little more as well

In response to: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Unknown userMember10 Mar 2020, 9:11 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

@Eden1919 @Former-Member @Appleblossom @TAB @eth @Former-Member @Bill16 @MDT @Sans911 @Sophia1 @outlander @Shaz51 @Adge @Former-Member @Bookworm @Wenna @Jupiter @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Snowie @NNY @Maggie @DesertRat @Valentine @Scarecrowe @WriterMelb @CheerBear @Meowmy @Faith-and-Hope @Scoo @Ant7 @Bunniekins @Scribbles @theposterboy @BlueBay @TheVorticon @Former-Member @Former-Member @sherpa09 (I tagged you all this time by typing out the usernames so I don't know if anyone will get the notifications?)

Anyway, should we all just try and forget what happened? I'm willing to, and I will. Please know I never meant to hurt anyone and it was just me having a misunderstanding and being young and foolish, and not properly knowing how these SANE forums work. I'm going to read through the rules and have a look around the forums here properly. It won't happen again.

I'm more than happy to talk to anyone I tagged and just forum members in general, whatever thread it may be in or whatever it's about.

I'm here for everyone and I'll try to support you all and others as much as I can, happy or sad. I'll also check out happy threads more such as the Social Spaces, other threads I was tagged in, etc. I have been looking at them though and other mental health websites, happy things, etc.

I'll just wait until I see the GP and Psychiatrist to tell them my problems, that was why I joined these forums because no one else wants to help me, and I mean professional wise. Just someone to talk to even if it's just a hello was all I really wanted I guess, I should've been more clear, sorry again all.

Yes I'll talk to crisis services on their web chats like Lifeline, Kids Helpline, etc etc. again if I feel this way rather than coming here and burdening everyone and upsetting them, none of which was intentional.

Okay I'm not going to ramble on and apologise anymore. Thanks.

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

TABSenior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 9:30 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Take it easy @Former-Member am away for a few days

In response to: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

ScooSenior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 9:38 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

@Former-Member

I often don't know what the right words are to say.....so instead I am sending you big hugs and wishing you sunnier days ahead 🥰🌻☀️🌈

In response to: Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

AppleblossomSenior Contributor10 Mar 2020, 10:28 pm AEDT

Re: Is anyone around tonight? Depressed and suicidal

Hello @Former-Member

I just caught up on the thread and am glad it has not been deleted or closed off.

Getting the most out of the forum is probably different for each of us and for long timers, different at different times. I know my feelings and style of using the foum has varied a lot. SOmetimes a thread I start might feel a safe space, then other times it triggers me. It was actually another forumite who sadi to me that I triggered myself which caught me blindsided but also had a lot of truth in it and it made me more aware of triggers. Personally I dont find the trigger warning helpful as I am triggered by all sorts of random things that relate to my particular story.

Ease up on your self a little. There is no need to give yourself a hard time and apologise, but it took me about 10 years and working hard at it to stop apologising all the time. SO I know its easier said than done. There was a stage I had to work hard to stop swearing, (cos it was not a good look at work) but that was a long time ago. lol

Take on board suggestions that resonate in a positive way for you, if not, deflect it, it was just a random well meaning comment, dont worry about it. In a way anonymity protects us but it also makes it hard adapt responses as we cant know all that is going on behind the scenes.

You have related really well with posters and mods alike. This forum emerged over time and is a bit of a social experiment. Yes the community guidelines are important but usually the mods dont mind reminding people. Its not 4 balls and your out. I have been reminded heaps because in the moment in the complexity of posting, I forgot.

Sometimes I cant post and I just press the support button, in case I say the wrong thing or just feel in my silent mode.

Hugs Bella

There are some great people hanging around here and a lot of them seem to like you. Take Care

Apple

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