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Who am I

OliveContributor26 June 2016, 2:45 pm AEST

Who am I

I am 36 years old. I went to see a psychiatrist on Friday. They say I should be an inpatient. They say they want to see me over two weeks without alcohol . To strip me down and see whats left. I have a strong mother and sister/brother support. I have no friends and haven't for years. Im alone though. What do i do. What do i do. I feel like a fraud maybe i just need to wake up to myself.

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In response to: Who am I

DecadianSenior Contributor26 June 2016, 4:14 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

Well @Olive You are honest and you enjoy alcohol - and know you do stupid things

We can all do stupid things without the help of alcohol - but I have to be honest too and say that if you like it and know you do stupid things - it's going to be very hard for you

But I don't have to promise - I know people here will support you and not judge you - I certainly will

So - for whatever reason - you can't go to hospital - have you got someone who can help?

I didn't read you first post so all I know is you have hit a bad snag - and maybe at a point of making a decision

I quit smoking - several times - but one day - no - I didn't buy any - a mobile phone was far more interesting - I had help from the Quit Line

So one thing is - what is more interesting than alcohol?

Decadian

In response to: Re: Who am I

MoonGalSenior Contributor26 June 2016, 4:23 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

@Olive - being here is a good start. We are not though a crisis service. I wonder if it might be a good idea to potentially take a week off work (if you possibly can) and make that time a very focussed time of getting your ducks in a row to jumpstart a life that is dedicated to looking after yourself? Could you potentially hand the reighns to someone for a week and take a weeks sick leave? Could you do a bit of research about what ails you and do a pro and con list about the things that make life hard for you?

Something like this...

Pro Con
I have a business At the moment my staff don't respect me
Psychiatrist says there is hope But I have to stop drinking first before accessing hope
This could be the furthest I fall if i take charge I could fall further
I enjoy achohol I do stupid thinks when I am drunk

that kind of thing to try to sort out where you are at and where you want to be, really.

In response to: Re: Who am I

BlueBaySenior Contributor26 June 2016, 4:27 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

That's a good idea @MoonGal. I have written a pros and cons list many times when trying to make decisions. One of them was do I go back into hospital - my answer is yes.

@Olive I really hope you can at least write out a list like @MoonGal suggests. It will help you see it more clearly.

In response to: Who am I

Blue-eyesCasual Contributor26 June 2016, 5:11 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

Olive, I understand how you feel, like it was said to me, 'stop beating yourself up', other people's opioions of you shouldn't bother you the only opinion that counts is the one you have of yourself , you think too much, so do I , your thoughts go around in circles to the point you don't know who you are , just breathe, I used to say what I thought too much , until people thought I was crazy, now I watch and listen and barely say a word, I speak when spoken to , I don't start things I can't finish, and I don't analyze everything I do , that was causing me to doubt myself. I used to smoke marijuana to cope with a very traumatic event that happened to someone close to me I couldn't cope with knowing and keeping it secret , still keeping it secret, and no dope is not easy , I am on medication, after being admitted to hospital twice after 2 psychotic episodes, still feels like I'm in one sometimes, feels easier in lah lah land than dealing with reality. I've had to face going back to work after the embarrassment I caused myself there, everyone thinks I'm a nutcase, but I don't care what they think of me because they don't know anything about me , only I do , only I know the battles I've fought and I'm proud of myself for going back to work , I don't have friends , I just can't understand other people , they bitch too much and seem to have everything so I don't understand why they bitch so much, also I found they fed off my grief, seem to rub it in my face to make themselves feel better, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, I don't think to the point of confusion, I have a song in my head when I start to stress out, ' you say it best when you say nothing at all', sounds silly but that's what has helped me cope with interacting with other people, I say very little , the 'other ' me said enough , I say the 'other me' because I'm not the person I was before, carefree and confident. Now I'm working on regaling my confidence can't say I'll be carefree again, but confidence in myself is a big thing so that's what I'm concentrating on, being good to myself and not punnishing myself anymore, beating myself up about the things I cannot change, learning to be better , setting myself rules and sticking to them , just being a new ' normal' . I actually felt better when I stopped seeing a counsellor , she had more problems than me ha ha , actually spoke about herself more. Anyway , I've rambled on enough, bye for now .

In response to: Re: Who am I

MoonGalSenior Contributor26 June 2016, 5:56 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

Hey @Blue-eyes, that is such a great post - you sound as if you stand up for yourself and have good boundaries.

@Olive - you might like to take a good look around the forums and see if there are other people with whom you identify or understand well... There are various areas to engage in...

Our Experience and Stories - where we are right now and our history (if we want to share it).

Looking after our wellbeing - health, psychological safety, the 'toolkit' and coping mechanisms, exercise, meditation all sorts of interesting stuff

Enjoying time with others - this one is just chatting and fun stuff, what we eat, what we do to relax, what we like

Something's Not Right - if medications are acting up, or feeling unwell, down, wosre than ever etc.

I hope you can come on by and get to know everyone and find people you resonate with.

I love it here, it gives me a real sense that I am not alone with it all. Take care of you, Olive.

In response to: Who am I

Blue-eyesCasual Contributor26 June 2016, 6:05 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

Thanks Olive, after reading some posts from other people I can relate to a lot of how they feel and yes, I don't feel so alone , sharing is caring , right?, I do feel better , knowing that I'm not alone talking here , glad I found a spot in the world where I feel like I 'fit' .

In response to: Who am I

Blue-eyesCasual Contributor26 June 2016, 6:18 pm AEST

Re: Who am I

My apologies thanks should be to MoonGal.

In response to: Re: Who am I

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 June 2016, 2:38 am AEST

Re: Who am I

Hi @Olive

Hope you figure out a way through the morass of life that makes sense to you.

Instant feelings and responses dont last ling ... so I guess one of the good things of aging is that we go for long term highs ... which usually come in the shape of relationships and without substance ... but many of us have been there and done that.

Maybe think business like ... do a cost benefit analysis of drinking and promiscuity

I knew I could give up smoking when I actually felt the benefits of giving up were worth it to me.

In response to: Re: Who am I

SaharaSenior Contributor27 June 2016, 8:22 am AEST

Re: Who am I

Hi @Olive,

you might find this a bit too personal, but can you tell us what led you to go and see a psychiatrist in the first place? Can you talk us through the process? You must have had some worrying symptoms to lead you to seek help?

Being promiscuous and drinking a lot of alcohol would not necessarily lead someone to the conclusion that you are mentally ill. In some social circles this is just routine behaviour! (not that I condone it, I'm just saying 'different strokes for different folks'.)

What do your family make of all this, from what you said it sounds like they are supportive? You are so fortunate to have your family to fall back on.

Questioning your identity and having thoughts of "I don't know who I am" would fit the profile of someone who is depressed- but then a lot of people ask themselves these questions, especially in early adulthood. I know I did. It does not necessarily mean that you are unwell.

We live in confusing times. There are so many different options out there when it comes to choosing how to live your life.... there is almost too much freedom. How do you decide what to do when you can be anything you want? I have grappled with this too.

With your employees; do you have any idea about why they would turn against you? I know that in many places of employment their is a culture of "hating the boss", just on principle. Very poor behaviour, but it does exist. Did you previously have a good working relationship with these people and then they just turned on you?

I would love to know more about you circumstances and any insights you might have.

In response to: Re: Who am I

DecadianSenior Contributor27 June 2016, 9:43 am AEST

Re: Who am I

Hi @Olive

I have read through all the posts in this thread and I am really glad to find that someone has put your original comments into the beginning

So to start again - you have been drinking and you enjoy it - but you do stupid things - forget about being promiscuis - that's your own business - but if you are under the influence of alcohol at work then your staff we lose respect for you - and you will lose face.

Earlier - late yesterday - I posted that you have a problem if you like to drink and do stupid things - and this is a huge problem - basically - you have a choice

You can go on drinking - but that does not gain any points - or stop - and you still have to regain the support of your staff - and that will be very hard

Making decisions is hard too when you are either drunk or getting over the effects of it - so what can you do?

Personally - I would close my business for the sake of illness - go to hospital - you need to get yourself cleaned up - dismiss your staff - even if you are not well they still need to treat you with respect and they don't - and believe me - whatever your business is - people will be lining up for work

You are so fortunuate to have family support - I went though hell on wheels stone cold sober with no medication and family help for years - not because I am at all virtuous but because I was mostly raised by my strict by loving grandmother who had my best interests at heart -

And here's an important thing - I value myself - I cared about myself

And maybe in hospital you could learn self-respect and how to care about yourself and for yourself

I know I sound harsh - but you were desperate when you wrote the first messages and no one was around then - but I have heard you now - and I am playing hard-ball.

It's up to you - the choices are yours - as @Sahara says - you can't gain respect for other people until you respect yourself

And I do care and I wish you the best - there is no need to take what other people hand out - but you do need to take control of your situation

And I know it won't be easy

Decadian

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