Do i tell him he has dementia?

Very.

@Smc , what you said is very true

when my mum and my MIL tells me thigs I take it like i have heard it for the first times

mum will tells me things that her sister said at morning tea a few days ago ( i was there too )

sometimes my mum and MIL will be telling me something and then they will say " ohh i told you that , didnt I )

my aunty will tell mum and say she is silly ( I do not like this at all )

@outlander , @Sans911 , @Snowie , @Sophie1

@Shaz51, I'm very aware with Dad that the mood set by the conversation outlives the memory of the conversation. If the conversation has been unpleasant, he's left feeling angry or upset or depressed without being able to remember why... not good. Meanwhile, if it's been an enjoyable conversation, he's in a good mood for whatever follows on from it.

Hi @outlander

You are a community-minded person - being on Fire Watch and Flood Watch - certainly such a person is valued - well done - it is a very good thing to be involved in such a way and is positive for you too

Back to your Pop - I remember a maxim I learned once and it goes

If there is a choice between right and being kind - be kind

You Pop may or not remember what is said to him but I am pretty sure he will remember you being kind - and I know you can't always be - caring for an elder with dementia is a heavy load for a young person

One little story about my Dad - who would be turning 100 tomorrow had he still been here. He had been to the dentist and had some work done and kept telling us he'd had three teeth out. My family kept correcting him - he'd had one tooth out and 2 fillings - and I started to feel as if the others were harping on and ignoring Dad's feelings - whatever - I wanted them to stop but also know it's totally useless speaking to any of them

So I said "I believe you had three teeth out Dad" - aware that over time he had at least three teeth out at some stage. And he breathed out hard and said "Thank you - thank you" and those were the last words on the subject. It has been horrible for an elderly man near the end of his life having dental work - and maybe considering his age it didn't need to be done - I don't know

But we want to be kind - I think that's pretty basic for most people - and it's important to acknowledge how a person feels rather than the harsh llight of the truth sometimes

So with your Pop and I know you think hard about these things - rather than keep telling him more than you have to keep tellling him - reassure his feelings. If he is afraid of something or upset, confused or whatever - speak to that - as in

"You may think you have dementia Pop - and that's probably upsetting - but we are working on keeping you happy, safe, well, - (mulitple choice words here)

Still wishing you the best here

Dec