There goes another dream.

Hi @Lemonjuice and supporters.
It's not so easy to let go of a dream or a goal that you've been working towards for a long time – or to have the goalposts moved (as the phrase goes). At the same time, a reassessment of one's priorities and goals can sometimes be useful – I wonder what your "simple life" will look like going forward if you do decide not to study more? Others, including @CheerBear @Everan @BryanaCamp have given you their perspectives on academia and hopefully some of that has helped you to clarify your own thoughts – even if some of those perspectives are very different to your own.
@BryanaCamp I am sorry that you have such difficult experiences behind you with your family members. As you say, no PhD (nor any other qualification) is a guaruntee of goodness or worth. At the same time, it's important to acknowledge that there are countless individuals with formal qualifications (including PhDs) who do valuable work. Equally, there are numerous ways in which to pursue one's passions and make a valuable contribution to one's community – like the volunteer work that you mention!

Take care,
Eucalypt

@Former-Member My mother lived a simple life and she wanted me to live a simple life too. For her, a simple life was getting up in the morning, cleaning the house, going shopping, coming home to cook dinner, eating dinner in front of the tv until bedtime again. Maybe once in a while, go fishing or visit a friend. She hated me studying or going anywhere, she would make sure I felt guilty if I tried to leave the house. Everytime I left to go to uni, she would ask me to hurry home from that cursed place. She didn't want me to get married or have friends or go anywhere, for my own safety of course. So 'simple life' to me is not a good thing.

Thanks for explaining that @Lemonjuice
Even though your mother's simple life sounds like a fine life for some, it is clearly not what you want for yourself.
I notice that you've edited the post to me and I'm just going to check in with you shortly via email to see if you're in need of some extra support this afternoon – maybe you could keep an eye out for that.
Eucalypt

Hi @Lemonjuice

That sounds really bad - so disappointing - I am sorry this curve-ball has hit so hard and you feel so much at the end of things

It took me 12 years to do a four year degree - I had to study part time and like you I had many difficulties happen during that time - I wanted to continue with my studies but I had run out of finance for it - though I did a year at TAFE after that - then injured my spine and developed chronic pain syndrome and so I have since studied privately

I guess the study itself was the passion - I never really thought much about what qualifications I would get at the end of it except when I did the year at TAFE to learn to teach English as a Second Language - and I never got far with that because of chronic pain

So I am sorry that you have hit a road block - and that it really has derailed you right now - that's a tough streak - I can understand how you feel - all that work and you feel as if you have lost your reason to live

That's rough - so tough - I wonder if you can start something different - but my studies were so important to me I can really understand how devastated you must feel right now

Dec

@Owlunar thanks, yeah, uni for me is a way of life. I always wanted to be an academic, but it's not going to happen. It is devastating, but there's nothing that can be done about it, just have to adjust.

Dear @Lemonjuice

So sorry to hear of your situation, it feels hopeless - I've been there - but I'll be a small voice of encouragement while greatly respecting others' views. In my field a grad dip is a professional entry point but often identical to the first year or two of a master's. And a master's often includes subjects in research training such as research methods and getting started on your literature review. So if you can bear to finish your 3 subjects and talk to another uni there may still be some hope. And as a PhD student you can taste academic life as a tutor or teaching assistant. I'm a little older than you and had to drop out at a late stage due to accident, illness and family circumstances but the studies I'd completed allowed me to return to my profession. I still have my thesis draft chapters and ideas and might return to them in my retirement.

You love the uni environment so give yourself the space to consider as there still may be hope for some satisfaction even it's not exactly what you originally planned.

I look forward to hearing your progress and wish you all the hope and strength you need to get through this disappointment.

Much love

Dimity

@Dimity that's the sort of thing I was told, that the grad dip acted as a master's therefore I could move on. One of the two academics has this wrong. I need to go get a solid fact check on this. You've given me some hope. Uni isn't just a degree for me, it's like home, part of who I am...and I don't even like study, but I do love knowing, love intellectual discussions, trying to outdo each other, finding new ways of thinking about things. Thing is, I missed most of highschool and didn't even do the last two years. I thought I was dumb to average and I was shocked to find I was above average IQ...if I sit home and can't think, write reports, I am going to go nuts. I sometimes can't sleep cause I am running theories or mentally writing essays in my head. Sorry, venting.

What are you studying?

@Lemonjuice I think the intellectual challenge and curiosity are what drive you - the social environment is stimulating too even if overly competitive at times. My topic was interdisciplinary and I was often tempted into sidetracks. IT and data processing have moved ahead since I was studying but the philosophical foundations seem much the same.

I'm glad you're going to clarify the prerequisites. I enjoyed the research training and debating techniques I learnt in my Masters subjects. Systematic reviews and metaanalysis are also emphasised these days, and really jumpstart your research.

I wasn't well stabilised when studying which didn't help (I'm bipolar, and often wasn't well). But I don't regret my career changes.

It sounds as though you've had an extraordinary life and I'm in awe of your achievements after leaving school so early. I really hope things work out well for you.

Best wishes

Dimity

@Dimity I am pretty amazed by you too. I love meta-analysis and statistics. People don't get how much of an art form it is. Now, IT, I am hopeless with. My seven year old niece probably knows more than I do. I wish you all the best too. Thanks for taking the time to write to me.

Hi guys,

i wasted my school life and two years of university trying to be like my friends - ie. all successful and smart and whatnot. Then after I fell mentally ill, I wasted a lot more time trying to study other things and trying to see how many jobs I could get in the shortest amount of time.

This post has just reminded me what a waste of time most of my life has been. I was a smart girl with big ambitions, but they fell down really badly. i feel like my life has been a big waste of time. i am 37 years old now. i could have moved cities by now to start a new life and such, but i coudlnt afford it, and the thinking about it stressed me out.

i have also spent more than 6 months of my life as a patient in the psych ward (7x visits). ...i guess some people have better lives or something i dont know - sometimes i just dont give a shit anymore either 😞