Abandonement and all that followed.

Hello @Dino14 😃

Sorry I didnt get back to you yesterday. A few things kind of hit me on New Year, and I was not feeling the best. No matter .. I will get through it, as I always do.

I agree with @Zoe7 that it sounds as though you had a pretty positive start to your year. I'm really glad you went out with some friends and enjoyed your evening. The Life Coach lady sounds like a good person to open up to. See ... it really does help to talk through our troubles. I'm really happy that you have been able to do that. It is a positive sign I think. And yeah ... I do agree with you that those few drinks appear to have done you no harm whatsoever. 🍷🍺🍸🍹 They were consumed for the right reasons, so all good.

Ahhh .. very good .. so glad your GP set up a MHCP for you. Its good too that you have been able to have a good talk to your GP about whats going on for you. It means you have another member of your 'crew' who can support you through any future rough spots.

I note you said you had an up day yesterday and was feeling pretty positive overall. How are things today? Not sure if you are back at work today. I realise yesterday was your last day on call for fire duty. I heard on the news that fires in Tassie had become much worse yesterday, so I hope you didnt end up getting a call out there. And if you did .. that all is okay. I think there were a number of evacuations down there. Pity your side of the State missed out on the rain. Maybe next time. Everywhere in Australia so badly need rain. We had lots of thunder happening all around us last night .. but no rain in any of it unfortunately. It will happen eventually though. And before we know it .. we will be complaining about floods, or getting bogged in paddocks.

So Dino ... I really hope that your positive start to the new decade continues, and that this may be remembered in future as the beginning of a more enjoyable, simpler and more fullfilling life for you. Please remember that there is always someone around if you wish to talk here. But also that there is no obligation to talk or respond if you do not wish to, have no time to or just dont feel like it. I think I said to you in your first few days here ... take from the forums what you need. There is no obligation whatsoever to do more than that. If there comes a time you wish to give something back by supporting other members, then thats up to you. You have a lot of lived experience and self knowledge which could be invaluable to others, but only if that is something you want to do or feel comfortable doing.

Until next time.

Sherry

Hey @Former-Member .

Just a quick reply to answer your questions.

No firefighting for me yet and will get back to work in the near future, not exactly sure when but in no rush.

Still feeling positive 99% of the time and able to shift back to that reasonably easy during the other 1% of times.

So I think I will take a break from here, for now, unless I get an email to inform me that someone has tagged(?) me. I will come back if/when my attitude or situation changes.

I may be feeling positive and coping well but I dont have the confidence to try to help anyone else at this point in time.

Thanks everybody. @Zoe7 @Shaz51

Bye for now.

Dino

I'm still not confident enough to think that I can help anyone else at this point but who knows what the future holds.

Hi @Dino14 ... I understand.

By all means come back any time ... you will always be most welcome. I've enjoyed our chats over the past 2 weeks or so, and will miss you.

I really hope you've found the Forums helpful, even if it has only been to encourage you to open up a bit and to seek professional support. I think you know now that its okay to talk things through, indeed helpful to do so, and that people are generally very understanding and supportive of MH issues. Thankfully the stigma that used to be attached to MH is slowly being lifted. And in a large way, that is thanks to people such as yourself ... those who have the courage to talk about it. So from me to you ... thankyou.

I wish you the very best in all that you are doing, and all that you are endeavouring to do in future. Please keep in mind that we love happy stories, so if you are doing well and have any good news to tell .. we would love to hear it.

There is no need to repond. Please take good care of you, and stay safe. Give that Percy a good wrestle from me.

Sherry

Could not have said it any better @Former-Member and I echo everything she has said @Dino14. Goodluck with everything and we will be here if you one day decide to return or just check in. It has been wonderful getting to know you in the little time you have been here

Hi @Dino14

Just quickly dropping by. Not sure if you are still checking in occasionally? But in case you are, I thought I'd let you know I continue to think of you and hope all is going well. Perhaps by now, you have your first appointment scheduled for your psych. I hope its not too far off.

Also hope your 99% positivity is continuing for you, and that those 1% ers will soon reduce to 0%. At least you are finding ways to recover from those 1% ers when they do occur.

No need to respond. Just wanted to remind you that we are here if your situation changes. Stay well and stay safe.

Sherry

Hey @Former-Member and hello to @Zoe7

First time I've checked in for a while. Everything is going well. Thanks for your thoughts. Psych appointment doesn't seem any closer and my fear is that because I'm travelling so well I won't have enough "misery" to fully explain myself when it comes around. I have a heap of notes to refer to so hopefully that will be of use.

I had a five day shift fire fighting on Tassie's east coast and working 12 to 13 hours per day made me more determined to move somehwere and hopefully get a full time job. While I'll never go back to the 7 day a week, work obsessed, person that I needed to be to survive in days gone by, I realise that a full time job gives me much less time to be miserable. I loved every minute on the fire. Am I crazy????? Yeah most likely! Ha.

So 99% good still but I do get incredibly lonely and I think I miss Kylie more every day. How is that possible? Time is supposed to heal all wounds. Time ain't helpin' right now.

Anyway I'm trying to keep busy packing, and throwing out excess, ready to move house and get away from all the bad memories that exist here for me. Not sure if I touched on this before but I've realised that when I was at my happiest ever, with Kylie, I would leave her and drive the 2 hours back to here and was alone for days in a house which only reminded me of my saddest times. No wonder my problems came back to haunt me and drove her away. I did visit her on my way to fire fighting and she was as lovely and warm as ever so I live with some hope that we can be together again. Not banking on it though. What will be will be.

So enough rambling Dean.

Thanks girls.

It ddoes seem like you are doing really well atm @Dino14 and that is good to hear 👍 I feel similar with work - it gives us less time to think when we are engaged in something day to day ...and a bonus if we actually like our work (which I do). I hope you get back to full time work also - I am doing that this year and whilst I have some reservations (and nerves) as to whether I will deal with it or not it is something I need to do - money has been extremely stretched working part time so I need the extra income. That should offset any other issues I have but I do fully expect to be very tired along the way and looking after myself is a priority. I have support around me though if I start 'slipping back' so I feel I am in a good position to give full time a go atm.

I could not do what you (and so many others do) fighting the fires - so much respect for all that do and so thankful we have people like you around to do that - huge 👍 to you 😁

Things with Kylie seem to be good so who knows what the future may hold ....holding out hope for you that one day you can reconnect in the way you want to.

It is great you have some things written down for when you finally see the psych - so often we forget what we want say or talk about when we get there so having it all in front of you will be a bonus. I understand fully that feeling that you won't have enough 'misery' to fully explain yourself. I too find it is harder to talk when I am doing better ...I certainly find it harder to talk about all the 'bad' things - often when I am doing okay they are the last things I want to think about let alone talk about so I get it. Having a list is therefpre a great idea.

What will be will be is a good way to think about life - we can never know what is to come but we can certainly work towards what we want ...and whatever pops up in the meantime we just deal with - hard to do sometimes but do-able.

Hey @Zoe7

You've made me think about money with what you said. I've never worried about it but maybe I should. I'm OK for now but retirement, if I ever have too which I guess I will, won't be comfortable. Honestly never worried about money. So hopefully our full time work will work out and serve us both well.

And the fire fighting that I do is the one thing I now have, now that my sporting life is over, that I know I'm good at and that is why I love it I'm thinking. I have very little self confidence and I believe that I need that team environment to find any confidence at all. So I'm no hero. Just someone who needs a team environment more than most because of whatever's in my head.

Which leads me to why I'm back here talking to you. I've been up and down again the last couple of days for whatever reason.

So I've been researching on the Interweb and reading and thinking. Now I know we shouldn't self diagnose but Psychology appointment seems a long way away. I've been constantly coming up with something called Toxic Shame which seems to fit with how I feel when I consider my life and when I'm down.

Doesn't seem to be any reference to that on this site.

Do you think I should just forget about it or keep investigating how I might help myself with that.

I think I know the answer already but I'm a bit down right now and just feel better "talking".

Anyway that may be confusing because I'm on my phone and not laptop and can't see what's been said.

So I'll leave it with you.

Sorry to bother you.

Just chatting!

Been reading up a bit on toxic shame after seeing your post @Dino14 From what I can gather it is constant feelings we have about ourselves despite what is going on in our lives - good or bad. So in your case maybe it does not always fit but I can certainly see why you would relate. Maybe it is more about degrees of those feelings and thoughts depending on our life circumstances and how 'up or down' we are feeling. It is certainly something worth bringing up with the psych when you do see them.

Happy to read your posts - 'talk' away if it helps you get things out - that is what we are here for @Dino14 👍😁

Hello @Dino14 it was lovely to see your post the other day. Sorry its taken a while to respond, but I have been offline for the past week. I am really happy to see that @Zoe7 has been here for you though. And as usual, she has provided sound and caring advice.

Im glad to hear you are continuing to take notes for when you finally get to see the psych.

Regarding your enjoyment of the five day stint on the firefighting .. no, you dont sound crazy at all. Everyone needs to feel effective and useful. And clearly you are well trained and good an what you do, and I suspect a good leader too. And the added bonus, as you rightly mentioned, of having our mind on the job .. rather than on other things.

I think its a good goal to aim for full time employment. Not 7 days per week .. nobody wants that. But 4-5 days a week could be ideal for you if you're up to it, and the opportunity arises.

And if you move back East, it could make things easier for you and Kylie. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain. I am so sorry that you continue to be heartsore over the breakup. But not a lot of time has passed yet. Its still very raw for you.

Good move to be doing all the packing, discarding of bad memories etc. A good job done, whether you eventually decide to move house or not.

I was intererested in your toxic shame theory. Never heard of it before, and looked it up. Yes it does seem to fit the bill for you. But so too, could a few other things. But I would say .. definitely bring it up with your psych.

I noticed a new thread of yours about KombiBob post. You would have got that email notification because you have previously posted to the Intro thread. Thats where KimbiBob posted that post. I got the email notification too. And got same message as you. That post contained a lot of personal info, names, locations, etc. Moderators would have removed it and requested changes. I seem to recall that KombiBob opened a new thread topic soon after, with some of the same info. I think it still exists. Have you tried searching for the member name?

Okay gotta go. No NBN here for past two weeks, and mobile typing annoying me no end.

Sherry