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Abandonement and all that followed.

Dino14Senior Contributor17 Dec 2019, 10:29 am AEDT

Abandonement and all that followed.

I'm new to this sort of thing online and so I'll probably muck some of this up. Where do I start? At the start I guess but it's pretty much a life of misery with 8 happy months. My earliest memories of my childhood is hating my mother and wondering why the hell my father wanted nothing to do with me and left me with her at all times. The 8 months of happiness are the only time I've ever been anywhere near happy. That happiness was with the only person I've ever loved. She is a beautiful woman who I confided in for the first time in my life as I truly knew I loved her. When I told her that I would probably have times of depression and silence she seemed to understand and said it would be OK because our love would get us through. Even she couldn't handle the way I was at times. I only started to shut her out after we said we loved each other. Most times in the recent past it's me walking away and breaking hearts after women have fallen for me. I just knew it wouldn't last with them and so I walked away. This time I wanted it to work and so I tried but even this lovely, lovely woman, who adored me, couldn't stay around me. I drove her away with silence and moody behaviour even though I was so near total happiness for the first time in 57 1/2 years. How is that possible. What do I need to do to get myself right and then maybe, just maybe, have a chance with her again. She says she still loves me so I cling onto hope. I need to do that. I function during the day but am scared to go to bed as I just can't clear my mind to sleep. In the past, when younger, alcohol was the answer. I won't go down that path again. I still like 2 or 3 beers after work but that's all. Have I rambled on too much? I hope not because believe me there are many more pages to fill that story. That's it for now I guess. I have no idea what to expect now. Anyway here goes..."post"

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In response to: Abandonement and all that followed.

Dino14Senior Contributor31 Dec 2019, 8:49 am AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Hey @Former-Member

I didn't see your message before I sent that one a moment ago.

I get all that you said and do practice a lot of that.

Cheers.

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Unknown userMember31 Dec 2019, 9:32 am AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Hi @Dino14 and thanks for the update.

I'm pleased to hear you got a reasonable amount of sleep. I think 4-6 hours a night (usually interrupted) is about average for me too. We can survive on that, though not exactly thrive.

Ummm, yeah .. the whiskey ... one or two sounds okay, provided it doesnt increase and then become a must. I'm glad it helped to relax you last night and enabled a better night than you may have had otherwise. Its not a long term solution though .. which you already know.

Yes the fire situation is dreadful everywhere right now. Victoria and Southern NSW are really copping the brunt of things now it seems.

Your priority I think lies in the fact that you are on-call in case of fire. Given that people and property are at risk, you are right to make that your priority. Your life is not at immediate risk, so your GP appointment can be rescheduled if need be. Fires unfortunately cannot. But my hope is that it doesnt come to that, that you wont need to make that choice. Fingers crossed you are not called out. What time is your GP appointment for? I have another medical appointment in town today for my husband as well.

If you are called in to fight fires ... please take extra care today. Fighting fires presents a major risk at the best of times. Even more so if you are tired and not in the best frame of mind emotionally.

My thoughts are with you.

Sherry

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Zoe7Senior Contributor31 Dec 2019, 10:12 am AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

I'm with @Former-Member here @Dino14 You can make another GP appointment but if you are needed to help with fighting these horrible fires then that cannot wait. It is a wonderful thing you do for the community - I have so much admiration for everyone involved in fighting to save others' lives and properties - whether it being as a volunteer or as a job. If you are called upon then stay safe mate.

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Dino14Senior Contributor31 Dec 2019, 2:36 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

@Zoe7 @Former-Member @Shaz51

A quick update. No call out for fires yet and back home after seeing the GP and getting referral.

Psychologists is closed until 8 January and then I guess there'll be a wait before I get in to see them but the ball is rolling.

Thanks everyone.

Talk soon.

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Unknown userMember31 Dec 2019, 2:54 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Very good @Dino14 😀👍

Back later.

Sherry

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Shaz51Senior Contributor31 Dec 2019, 4:21 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

very good @Dino14 , one step at a time

Hello @Former-Member , @Zoe7 , @BryanaCamp

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Zoe7Senior Contributor31 Dec 2019, 5:17 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Great that you made it to your GP and have the referral @Dino14 It is only a small step but a big one at the same time. It is unfortunate that we have a system where it takes so long to get in to see someone but at least the ball is rolling for you and that is positive. Keep us updated

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Unknown userMember31 Dec 2019, 11:33 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Good evening @Dino14 ... how's things going there? I hope you werent called out on in fires during the rest of the day. I know Tassie got some rain last night in some areas, so perhaps its eased the fire situation in your area as well. Hope thats the case.

Did your GP appointment go as you expected it would? I hope you were able to express all that you wanted to. Clearly you said enough for him to warrant providing a referral to a psychologist. Did your GP also do up a Mental Health Care Plan for you? I hope so, because it means you get up to 10 subsidised visits each year. And I know you said that funds were a little tight. Due to your excessive generosity, although you didnt say that in so many words.

I hope once the psychologists practice opens next week, that you are able to get in to see someone fairly quickly. It may seem like slow progress to you ... but in fact you have achieved quite a lot. Yes .. the ball is now rolling. One small step in the right direction. There will be more to follow. May be a few minor hiccups along the way, because that seems to be the way of it. But two steps forward and one step back, is still progress. So dont despair if things take a little longer than you'd like. There honestly is no quick fix. Slow and steady is the way to go. There are many years of unravelling to happen here. You have already mentioned many things in your history, and I'm sure there are many more that you havent mentioned. All these things make an imprint on our minds and our psyche, they affect us. It really helps to get a psych that you can connect with and whom you feel comfortable talking to. And that may take some time too. If you're like me, you may be lucky and get a great 'fit' first up.

Enough of that. Its only half and hour away from being a new decade. Are you doing anything for new years eve? I'm not ... been home watching a bit of cricket and doing some more of my diamond painting. Also there is a new years eve party happening on the forums too. A thread which was opened to see in the new year with other members here. I was thinking about tagging you into it, but decided you may not like that, so I didnt. Please keep in mind though, that if you ever do decide to get around a bit more and meet other members here, you only have to ask. Or browse some of the other threads yourself.

Anyway .. whatever you are doing this evening ... I hope you are doing okay.

So .. happy new year to you ... here's hoping its a good one for you.

Okay, catch you next year.

Sherry

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Dino14Senior Contributor01 Jan 2020, 1:24 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Happy New Year all @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Shaz51

Hope you all had an enjoyable time.

I went out and had a little too much to drink with a couple of good friends at the local pub. Some other friends have a band and played music through to new year. A fairly sedate affair but mostly locals with a few tourists sprinkled amongst a small crowd. I know the GP told me yesterday that I shouldn't drink but I figure that if it's just a social drink and not a coping mechanism then it is OK. Scold me now if you wish!

Anyway 3 of us went back to my mates place around 1am and he was pretty soon in bed as he's working today. That left 2 of us and although I don't that lady very well we ended up having a very candid chat for a couple of hours. She is a Life Coach and therefore has "listening abilities" and it was a therapuetic chat I feel. So no harm done by the drinkies.

So anyway back to the GP, yes I have Mental Health Care Plan and it went well and I found it easy to explain things to him even though I was having an "up" day. So if I can stay positive like I am right now then the wait to see the Psychologist wont be too bad.

Anyway today I'm feeling very good and it's my last day on call this time around and I am in a part of the state that got no rain from the passing storm so we'll see what happens today. I hope you all are feeling well for the New Year and it's a good year for all.

Cheers.

Dino.

In response to: Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

Zoe7Senior Contributor01 Jan 2020, 2:30 pm AEDT

Re: Abandonement and all that followed.

It sounds like you had a really postiive night @Dino14 - lovely to hear.

Sometimes those unexpected conversations are ones that really help so I am glad you made that connection last night.

A very quiet one here - stayed on the forum with a couple of other friends and saw the new year in that way then went to bed staright after midnight. Was a very long day for me so although I managed to stay up I was very tired. Good to have a better sleep last night though so feel much better today.

It really is not good that the rain didn't get to your area - we need it so much throughout the country - the fires are out of control and it is devastating for so may. We can only hope and pray that there are no more loss of lives and that everyone stays safe.

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