I need some reassurance

@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 I am sorry you are suffering with these thoughts they must be truly scary. You know the pea well by now :). We both have the same diagnosis.I am just here to help by being a friend. That is all. I am not here to harm you in any way and neither is anyone else on the forum. You are safe here. Does that help at all? I hope so. You are a very brave young woman who deals with alot. You can talk with the pea at any time about anything. Love peaxxx

@Bunniekins It kind of helps but also then I get thoughts like you are just saying that to make me believe you so that they can keep me here and it is them making you say it....

i ‘I am so frustrated I thought if I slept a bit it would go away and I could wake up and it would be like a bad panic attack but it wouldn’t still be there and it is still there and I am still scared and I didn’t even sleep much but I don’t know why because I had no reason to wake up then but I didn’t even sleep until 6am ish which has been the last few days or so and maybe only got 4 hours tonight and I just wanted to wake up and it be gone because I just want to not feel scared and even if I know what they are doing there is not anything I can do because there are too many of them and I have no way to fight them or escape this and I am just so tired of having to deal with this I don’t want this happening again i can’t have this happen again I am so wrecked from the last 7 years of this and I don’t think I would be strong enough to do it all again. I am still trying to ignore it but it just won’t go away and I really don’t know what to do and I can’t even really talk about it because i am not allowed and this is all my fault and I am so I don’t know I just can’t deal with this right now. This is not the time.

@Eden1919 From what I have gathered, by the way you pose your questions and posts, you are very sensitive and very articulate. There are 7 billion people on the planet with different ways of being and different purposes and motivations. Some of them will be out to exploit all opportunities and open vulnerable people are easier to exploit, however, a health care team is INTENDED to be there for your welfare, and yes they are paid for it. Learning who to Trust and gaining independence and maturity come very gradually.

Take Care

Apple

Oh @Eden1919 it sounds so scary what you are going through but if sleeping has not put it right it is time to seek help. I know that it can be scary and confusing to get past all that you are perceiving but there is part of you that knows what the right path is. I send strength and love to you. Seek and be well friend.

Hi @Eden1919

You write well and your questions are well articulated - you are intelligent and that comes through in your posts

But you have had some bad experiences and now you don't know who to trust and you don't trust medication either and you have made a choice not to take it which I really understand

I have some of the same stuff for different reasons - it has been suggested to me that I take antidepresents for pain and this might be okay but I am prepared to take the side-effects - so I really do understand what you are saying about that - and the books I have describing all of this stuff about chronic pain I find really hard to believe too so who do we trust when things are dicy

For me I will take the day-by-day path and see what happpens - we all have to find someone to trust - for me it's my GP - you seem to trust us on the forum

But hard and not the time - I get it - I am in a different place but I really identify with your struggle

And hey - keep writing - I like to read what you write and I an tell what a battle everything is for you

Dec

heyyy myy @Eden1919 we are here with you and for you all the way my awesome friend

so keep sharing here with us and @Owlunar , @LadyCaroline , @Appleblossom , @Bunniekins xxxxx

@Appleblossom @LadyCaroline @Owlunar @Shaz51 thank you all for the replies, I am trying to trust people but deep down I don’t really... I know that people wouldn’t believe me if I told them what I think and I can’t say it isn’t possible for me to be wrong but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe it anyway and I just feel so trapped because I can’t do anything about this because if I tell someone I will get in trouble and something bad will happen and it will be all my fault but then if I don’t I have to be constantly pretending that everything is fine and that I believe what they do which is exhausting and really hard to do. I feel trapped and scared because I feel so much pressure to do what everyone wants

i am tired and I really don’t want to deal with this but if I don’t do what one of them says they will hurt me and same with the others and I could hear some of them talking last night too it was like a man and a woman and they were whispering again and I don’t know what to do because the health professionals aren’t actually trying to help so I can’t go to them because they will just try and make me do what they want. It is hard to explain. But if I tell people here then they will say I am ‘crazy’ which I am not but they don’t know because they aren’t real themselves and it is a huge mess and I feel really weird. I just don’t know how to deal with this.

here for you everyday my @Eden1919

I'm listening @Eden1919

I think I understand - if you tell people about your reality you will lose control over your situation because people will think you are imagining things and for you they are real. This whole situation is really scary

One thing I have learned is that if people don't believe something we have said - something we really do believe - then they might just have their own opinion and let us have ours or it could happen that they try and change our mind

Imo I really feel that people could leave us to have our own beliefs and opinions - maybe the professional people we see at times are professionally required to do this - I understand this and - yes - it's pretty well impossible to disagree -

I will hold onto my beliefs - they work for me - it's not easy in some instances though

I hear you

Dec

@Owlunar I wish they could just leave it as different beliefs but they never do. I just don’t know what to do and. I am supposed to be seeing my psychiatrist soon but then what am I supposed to say because now I am scared that they are part of it too. I just feel so scared that they will figure it out that I know and cause I worry that they can read my mind and are listening to my thoughts so they may already know and are testing me. I already know they are putting things in my food and I know they are watching cause I heard them but maybe they are waiting so they can trick me I don’t know. I just want to have to deal with this right now.

@Shaz51 Thanks