Thank you @Anastasia. Of course I am biased, but I am sorry, there seriously is not a more torturous disease than schizophrenia on this earth. And to top it off I would say it is the most loneliest, because our culture and society has demonised people that develop it. Culturally, Bipolar is kind of hip and cool, but yeah, schizophrenia is just a whole other level of traumatic illness, and everyone gives up on you if you have it. When my sibs have been breaking down in tears it has been for Mum's death, but for me, when I brake down in tears it has been for Mums life.....throughout my hospitalisations I have met patients that I will never forget. Obviously it's not about them as people, but it is their suffering I will never forget. Witnessing their suffering will be burnt into my memory until the day I die. As shocking as it was, it just doesn't compare to my mother's suffering. We were trapped in regional Australia with all its ignorance and lack of infrastructure and Mum was literally catatonic and not responding to treatment that well if at all. My psychiatrist says how distressed he feels when his patients are in catatonia, he knows they are literally being tortured......imagine being a 3 year old little girl, locked in a house with Mum that sick and a father working in Sydney and no one else wants to know us because we are the mad family. I was so powerless to help Mum. But Mum is free of schizophrenia now. She is finally free of this a-hole of a disease I wish I could annihilate off the earth.
I am thinking of you @Faith-and-Hope and hope that things are progressing in terms of the financials and legals. I am having to go through old paper work trying to organise Mum's funeral so I am confronted with my father all over again.........I just want you to be free of your ex-husband as much as possible. We only have one life @Faith-and-Hope and I don't like the thought of your kids weaping once you have died for the suffering he put you through. Its just too sad. Kids want their Mum to have expereinced the best of life, they don't want to witness the breaking of their spirit. As awful as this divorce has been, he never deserved you and I am really hopeful of a new chapter opening up for you @Faith-and-Hope .......a chapter that is just yours and not poisoned by him. He's caused so much pain and hurt and I want it to stop, unfortunately divorce is the only way to free yourself and to enjoy the rest of your life on your own terms.
Thank you @Smc @Zoe7 you are so sweet and kind hearted. I am sorry I don't know more details of your own history/experiences but I wish you both health and fulfillment. Lock down is really tough right now and I can't see Sydney coming out of it any time soon.....I wouldn't be shocked if Sydney continues this way right up to Christmas. I think the hospital system is in for a rude shock once the international borders reopen. Corny 
