Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Thanks so much @Faith-and-Hope I will try my best to keep busy.

I am not a Mum, or a business owner or employee....but I will try my best to weave some routine into my weeks while respecting my health limitations........none of us cope well in times like these, we just carry on, and hope to resurface in once piece. My Aunt and sibs were distraught at the hospital today....I will try my best to balance my truth, with respecting their relationship with my Mum......it is Universes apart, but if I have to keep quiet at times, I know I have my Psychiatrist and Clin-Psych - Corny

You're so sweet @outlander thanks......I dunno what I need......I just know that my sleep has gone south instantly. I can feel my brain reconfigure around this stress.........it was only maybe 2-4 weeks ago I said to my Psychiatrist,

"I am scared that when my mother dies, I will have another 'opening'.......similar to when my Dad died.....when lots of vivid trauma memories surface and spun me into psychosis"......I know that I can't control it.

If that happens again, it happens......but it still freaks me out....its hard to accept that this is my life now.

Even if I have known that for quite some time. "This is my life now", is so hard to accept some days - Corny

Thank goodness they had a heart @Corny 🙏

Thank you @Anastasia .

It comes to us all eventually, I suppose......but when it is actually us, it feels so different to if it was someone on TV.

It will be weird organising a funeral etc in lock-down via Zoom in an apartment by myself, with sibs on their own.....I can't get my head around it just now, but we will do our best. Thank you for dropping in, even though I have not contributed to your health- Corny

Thanks so much @outlander for your wisdom and strength.

Yes, you are right, I am prone to psychosis, and my worst one was after my Dad's suicide.

It was some years after, but I had to hold my Mum up to get her through her own psychosis, before I could collapse into my own......must sound so weird to people on the outside.

My Psychiatrist and have I have talked at length about my 'risk factors' when my Mum dies.....but none of us knows how that will play out, until it actually happens!. I will take it day-by-day. And if I have to go to hospital - I will.

I will do it for me, and if I think I am travelling OK but my sibs are worried, I will admit myself for them....I don't want them to be awake at night over me - Corny

@Corny

My condolences to you and your family. I can only imagine what you are going through especially during covid.

stay safe and take care.

@Corny

I just wanted to drop by and let you know that we are here for you after your loss. If I can offer you any advice, it would be to take stock and enjoy these days of creating an honour of your mum's life and legacy.

You know we are here if you need us and when the time is right, I would love to hear the story of your mums life and legacy.