Eating disorder and more - need a shoulder ......

Hey @Corny 👋 💕

So good to see you ❣️

I appreciate everything you have said here, and yes, WH might well have picked up another of his kind. Only time will tell ..... but as a dear friend has often said “not my circus, not my monkeys” ..... my circus now is about getting myself and my baby dragons out of this :pile_of_poo: (poo-poo) and finding nice people to move forward with .... as you have also said.

It will be tough going for a while, but I am looking forward to my course very much this year, and I know some really beautiful people, including online here .....

There is much to be grateful and thankful for, so focusing on counting my blessings and hurdling each issue as it comes up.

Keep taking care of you 💐💕

I agree @Faith-and-Hope don't waste anytime ruminating about how she is or how their relationship will pan out.

I love the poo emoticon, thank you for those visuals. My sibs and I were so happy when more animated versions became available with the software update. Why do you think they chose to go with poo over wee? in quiet moments with myself I've always wondered...

My other favourite is the Unicorn, because I consider myself not to be so much mentally ill, just an Unstable Unicorn......I bought the card came 'Unstable Unicorns' for one of my sibs cubs for Christmas as I felt it was the most appropriate present from their favourite aunt. They are still too young to realise how lucky they are to have a mad aunt and many artistic greats throughout history have had at least one....in time they will come to understand their cultural and social blessings.

You're husband will probably ride through life pretty much untouched. It really comes down to how we define mental illness, and he is outside the definition of what most people consider unwell. I've seen some posts, and thought oh my, that poor person should be on a community treatment order, but I very much doubt they will be, because unless you're in psychosis you are not considered a danger to yourself or others. A lot of people are also very easily impressed. And if he has a lot of money the envy and all the shiny things will distract them from his manipulations.......but then again it may all come tumbling down......but as you say @Faith-and-Hope ....not your problem.

I think the fact that you guys got together so young will go in your favour. People with certain personality traits/styles never let anything go. And if he had had a heart break that preceded meeting you that really hurt, where someone had walked out on him, right now he would be trying to control you even if he doesn't want the marriage. They never ever ever forget, and you can be fooled into thinking gosh, they really are passionate about me, when in reality its historical emotions coming up about someone else.

But he may not be able to let go of any financial agreement you come to. He could stew over that for years or forever.....it will be such a relief to not have to see him

Corny

Absolutely @Corny ❣️

I received a notification of Support from you @Former-Member. Thank you.

Hello and welcome to the forums.

I have read little bits and pieces @Faith-and-Hope and I thought I saw that your ex has moved out, I certainly hope so. I would not cope with any other arrangement. Obviously it's pretty easy to find someone these days with all the electronics but I couldn't handle being in the same space as him.

I can't relate to a long term marriage breakdown and won't pretend I can, but I can relate to the sadness and disappointment of life not going to plan, and having to come to terms with limitations, set-backs, and loss of your health that greatly restricts what you can do. But most painfully people not being who they should be, or you hoped them to be. People come and go from your life, but you have a really solid base with the cubs and your own immediate family @Faith-and-Hope and that will be incredibly grounding and sustaining to give you strength to move forward with your life. In years to come you will look back and think, oh my, how did I live with that much negativity and not break myself, and your tolerance for negative people will get lower and lower and lower. You will be more selective with who you hang with or give any amount of your energy or time, and that is a great thing! As for self-absorbed people like your WH - you will run a mile. When I meet people who are very selfish I feel like I am being smothered and all the cells in my body are being squeezed and wrung out and I can't breathe, and that there is a 2 tonne weight on my chest and throat if I have any exposure to people built that way. I can't handle it.

@outlander @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Maggie @Former-Member @I hope that your Christmas and NY were restful and that you weren't impacted by the fires. The smoke haze was just unreal in ol' Sydney town and I am still wiping up fine black ash in my apartment. We have had a few days over 44c degrees and without air-conditioning this wee wee wee little Corny melted, and wished she could hop on the back of an otter out to sea and float on the seaweed in the cool water. If I had a bath in my apartment I would have gone to the servo and got a bag of ice and sat in the the bath filled with ice and water, but I had the cold shower instead. I hope that you enjoy your weekend, relaxing

Corny

@Corny Good morning ....

WH moved out of our home, with the intention of moving back in, with me forced out and into another home within the same "condensed living" community .... so we will now share communal spaces, with his new personnthrown into the mix somewhere the kids and I are yet to find out.

Because of the cubs, whatever I do from here will be disadventageous, and leaves us all in emotionally depressive circumstances - bearing in mind that a couple of the cubs are under psych care already from the circumstances prior to this turn of events, which also presented a range of choices between unpalatable outcomes .... across a long period of time.

This behaviour is covert, appearing loving and humble to outsiders and others who don't have the full picture ..... and the cubs don't get given the full picture, of course, which increases the pressure in ways that other people can't see .....

The intention is for me to buckle under the pressure and in the process lose ground with everything dear to me .... and lose the ability to shield others who need shielding also.

There is more of that going on in a variety of different ways, coming from multiple directions, and across the states, but it is unwise for me to go into detail while there are legal processes underway to access the rights and protection we need and are entitled to.

I am also entitled to the support of my forum family, and so I won't remain quiet in general. People who live their life the way WH do, which was never grandiose .,,, rarely entitled ..,, very morally correct to all outward appearances ..,,, very busy, but considerate, generous and caring when time permitted .... and of course, he was "doing everything for us".

Everything has been flipped on its head. Part of a "discard" is to remove a mask to reveal someone you didn't know was there behind it ..... someone with all the character and features opposite to what you had experienced with them before ..... that part us probably not news to you at all ..... and then you find that the control mechanisms that have been strategically placed across your life, and the lives of those nearest and dearest to you, are like iron bands ..... which begin to tighten.

There are supported ways of dealing with this obnoxious circumstance, and we have to:

get educated about it ✅

establish support people ✅

estsblish support resources ✅

pull together ✅

remain strong ✅

trust ourselves ✅

trust each other ✅

trust the support people ✅

trust the recovery processes ✅

find other things to occupy our attention to avoid life being only about this ✅

look towards a better future ✅

be kind to ourselves and each other ✅

invest as heavily as possible in self-care ✅

It's going to be a longer, harder road for quite some time .... but at least it is progressively moving itself out into the open where it can be seen for what it is.

@Faith-and-Hope, am assuming there's no viable option to remove yourself and your kids to a safer distance, or you'd be taking it? "Forced Choice Dilemmas" is the term used, I believe.

Beware of things told to WH in confidence, that may be brought out against you. It's possible that it'll be "no holds barred, nothing sacred". The fluster of being confronted with an unexpected accusation only seems to confirm the accusation to onlookers.

If you can find confidence and peace with yourself, and self-forgiveness of your own failings, then you can look the world in the eye regardless of what mud is thrown. All of which, for me, and for you also I'd think, is rooted in faith.

I think that you are wise not to go into too much detail as legal proceedings are progressing @Faith-and-Hope . He doesn’t really have much to hold against you Faith, but I think what he will not budge on and never let go of will be $$$.

Now that he knows it is over he is making sure that he secures the wealth that gives him that feeling of being superior and why he has treated you with contempt for so long. When I read that you had sold the business 10 years ago I thought, hmmmm so what would have changed then, and the first thing that popped into my mind was less need for international travel and the ability to live a double life on the other side of the world with as many women as he wants. Also not have subordinates looking up to him and take orders- the loss of his role as the boss would have been destabilising to his sense of self.

I find it interesting that he has deluded himself for so many years that he is nothing like his father. My father did the same. And just the same, ended up precisely like him, if not worse. Its often the case with people that exhibit theses traits that they hate the parent that is the same sex as them, and say that they are nothing like them, when really they are a carbon copy.

What your husband is engaging in is not dissimilar to the actions of a con-artist. That may sound a bit far fetched but when you think about it , that’s what it is. My sibs and I are at the age now where lots of people they went to Uni with, or we went to high school with, are divorcing or are recently divorced and some of the reactions you see reveal a lot about how they handle ego hurt or ego threat, and the lies are unreal. To me a gold-digger is a con-artist. The manipulation for monetary gain is what con artists do. One of my gay mates he was saying he often feels conned by guys hiding hetero marriages on online dating sites, making up all of these elaborate stories. with so much detail that he found it creepy. I don’t understand how people can sustain the energy needed to fabricate their entire lives, but I guess it is a different type of sickness that is outside the definition of mentally unwell. If you can con someone about having cancer, another illness, physical or mental, or your sexuality you can just about lie about anything!!

I’m sure as time passes there will be more and more instances of feeling utterly perplexed. Even though he is treating you horribly and with contempt I think that he will still crave the love and respect of his children. He needs to know he is not totally bad. I wish that there was a magic wand that I could wave for you Faith but it will be a draining year.

Corny

Right you are there @Corny, on so many counts ....